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Parenting

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Original poster

the dream ends

46 replies

Monkeytrousers · 20/01/2007 13:48

my phd funding has fallen through. this was my last chance, i'm now totally out of options. dp want's to have another baby so it looks like that's what we'll do now. I want one too but I also wanted some kind of future in academia but i just can't realistically see it happening now. feeling very sorry for myself at the mo

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Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

tamum · 30/01/2007 14:41

Did you need funding for your fees, or stipend and fees? If you can manage with fees only, it would be worth looking into registering with the OU, as that costs a few hundred a year as opposed to a few thousand. I know you would need to find a supervisor, but it might be possible to get one at the OU and your LSE person as second supervisor or something.

Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 30/01/2007 14:53

Don't want another baby with him - he doesn't seem to understand why. I have to suspect some deep psychological issues to be honest. Anything else doesn't make sense. I'm not saying he should be lucky to have me, I can be ratty and premenstrual like the best of us, but his demands are getting more extream, he want's me to be 'pleasant' all the time (even when he's being an arse). All I could say was that I'm not a stepford wife and he needs help.

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Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 30/01/2007 14:54

Sorry, that was majorly off topic. I will follow up your leads; thanks for the support

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General parenting

fennel · 31/01/2007 09:32

I'd second the idea of looking for a Research Assistant post, they can be a very good way of getting into a PhD and being paid (not loads, but more than you'd get on a post-grad grant) at the same time.

And it's quite structured work so can be a good way to do it with the hassles of small children in the background - you're working to someone else's deadlines so you have to get down to it.

If I was thinking of doing a Phd again I'd do it that way for choice, really, I think it's often a better deal than wallowing for years in your own inadequacies (which was my experience of doing a funded phd that was purely self-study).

Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 31/01/2007 18:40

Every one of the research posts up here are asking for people one PhD already.

But I've had news from my supervisor today. He suggests an indepenedent route whereby I write a paper under his unoffical mentorship and then publish in a journal, take that to a publishers and hopefully go on to write a book. I'm so grateful to have people who believe in me, especially when DP doesn't. It makes all the difference.

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Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 31/01/2007 18:42

So know what you mean about "wallowing for years in your own inadequacies" though. It'll be tough enough without DP joining in with my internal chorus!

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Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 31/01/2007 18:43

Oh, and Hallgerda, he is wrting a reference for me to have library rights. Thanks for putting me onto that

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ScummyMummy · 31/01/2007 19:33

That sounds more positive, mt.

gillian1973 · 31/01/2007 19:44

Hi MT, so sorry to see this thread and to hear of your woes. I could do something about your tickets to London but I feel this is beyond me! Still on the lookout for the last GNER voucher - I think they are going to make us suffer for this one!

As for contacting the 4 unis up here I would second the suggestion of nagging and begging - put yourself around a bit and follow up a letter/email/CV with a phonecall. You are an intelligent, resourceful and eloquent woman who needs a break, don't let someone like your DH tell you otherwise.

Hope it all goes well.

gillian1973 · 31/01/2007 19:46

..and meant to add that if your tutor will write a reference to attach to your CV then it will give it a bit of kudos too. Does he have contacts?

Molesworth · 31/01/2007 19:48

Your supervisor's suggestion sounds positive MT - good news

Also pleased to hear you're not having another baby with idiot dp (sorry but his attitude stinks )

Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 31/01/2007 19:49

Oh yes, he's an academic celeb.

Thanks again re the vouchers.

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Molesworth · 31/01/2007 19:49

Also can you pal up with Helena Cronin + any other LSE people while you're studying there? They'll carry a lot of weight I should think, and have great contacts, won't they?

Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 31/01/2007 19:58

I'm having an informal meeting with Helena next week Moley so I will be explaining my predicament; I?ll be completely mortified though.

DP has refused to give me the money (even though we had budgeted for it) for the course pack to I turn up to every seminar with a jumble of notes that I?ve copied from the internet. I would print them up myself but he broke the printer and ?keeps forgetting? to get a new one. Everything he can do to make it hard for me he does. And then he has the tenacity to say ?try being nice as a default way of getting what you want. It will work better for you.?

Is it just me or is that simply an outrageous thing to say, especially as I am bloody nice in his own words 5 days out of 7? (oh, he keeps count!)

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Molesworth · 31/01/2007 20:05

AAAAAAAAAARGHHHHHH you must be a saint putting up with that sort of behaviour

Don't be mortified about talking to the lse people: I bet they will take a strong interest in your research interests. It has GOT to be worth a try

fennel · 31/01/2007 20:19

Can't comment on your DP as I tend to get into trouble when I comment on men and relationships on mumsnet

But about the paper, just be a bit careful - would you be first author with your supervisor as second? Do make sure you don't end up writing it (unpaid) and him getting the credit as 1st author - it happens a lot and wouldn't be much use to you then.

OK actually I'm a bit iffy about doing work for free - the suggested paper and book. It's usually far more time-consuming than it initially seems and you really have to make sure that it would benefit you. I have seen friends shafted by their supervisors on this sort of issue.

Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 31/01/2007 22:00

Will watch out for that Fennel. Thanks for the heads up.

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fennel · 01/02/2007 13:24

On the advertised research posts asking for a PhD - people will be applying to them without a PhD. Don't be put off, if you see a job you think fits you, and you can show you have some sort of other work or study experience which might be relevant, or if you are just very keen, you might be in with a chance.

Libra · 01/02/2007 13:31

What about teaching posts at unis as well? They can definitely be a way in, or at least to keep working in the sector while looking out for something better? While my department is always strapped for cash to hire permanent staff we seem to have a good fund for temps to cover teaching for people on sabbaticals, etc. These are not the sort of jobs that are advertised - it's very much word of mouth, so make sure people know that you are available for this sort of work.

Libra · 01/02/2007 13:33

And can I second Fennel with her warnings about writing a paper for someone else to put their name on?
Have to say, I am not convinced that you would make an awful lot writing an academic book either (and I lecture in academic publishing)

gillian1973 · 09/02/2007 13:18

MT, got the voucher for your March train (at last) but cannot find your postal address. I have emailed you but posted here just in case you looked on MN this afternoon. Hope things are looking up!!!

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