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Parenting

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Original poster

the dream ends

46 replies

Monkeytrousers · 20/01/2007 13:48

my phd funding has fallen through. this was my last chance, i'm now totally out of options. dp want's to have another baby so it looks like that's what we'll do now. I want one too but I also wanted some kind of future in academia but i just can't realistically see it happening now. feeling very sorry for myself at the mo

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Quootiepie · 20/01/2007 13:51

awww no. You have plenty of time to do a PHD, my mum is still finishing hers and she is 58. I'm not sure about time limits though? But... didn't want to not post {{hugs}} xXx

tamum · 20/01/2007 14:02

MT, I'm so sorry. I know absolutely loads about PhD funding but mostly in medical/biological fields. I don't suppose that's any use, but I would be glad to help if I could.

Miaou · 20/01/2007 14:03

so sorry to hear that monkeytrousers!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about this subject:

General parenting

Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 20/01/2007 14:23

Thanks, and thanks for the hugs, I needed them. my course at LSE is still runing until March and who knows something might pop up..I probably shouldn't have posted myself, I'd just read the letter and everthijg seems bleak in the moment doesn't it? I'm finding it really hard not to be bitter about being surrounded by people whose parents are funding them through everything, buying them cars and even bloody flats FGS! I don't seem to be abele to convert even the most modest ambition into something viable.

Sorry, I'm just moaning now

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tamum · 20/01/2007 14:25

Are you having to apply for the funding yourself, or is your prospective supervisor doing it? Are you sure you've run out of options?

Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 21/01/2007 08:15

I'm applying Tatum. I dunno. I'll have a chat with my sup and see what he says

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Papillon · 21/01/2007 08:24

Keep wanting it and it will happen as hard as it may seem now

good luck with no. 2 baby

Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 21/01/2007 08:31

Thanks Paps

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Molesworth · 21/01/2007 15:55

Don't give up hope mt - have you spoken to your supervisor yet about this?

Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 21/01/2007 20:25

Have emailed him today Moley.

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Molesworth · 21/01/2007 21:04

GOOD LUCK x

Hallgerda · 29/01/2007 09:22

Monkeytrousers, is there some other way of pursuing your interests without being an academic and doing a Ph.D. I know lots of people on here are very interested in what you have to say about your subject - could there be a book in it? You can get library tickets for various institutions including the British Library on the strength of some references I understand (well, my mum's got one and she hasn't got A'Levels even...) so you needn't be entirely without research opportunities.

I realise that a baby may get in the way of serious research for a few years, but I wouldn't assume all doors are closed to you after he/she starts school.

Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 30/01/2007 12:03

You mean me write a book? I'd love to. I'd definitely have to leave DP though if I were to have a chance as he is such a misery guts and is still trying to bring me down about it all - he just never stops criticising. If I told him I was going to try to write a book he'd tell me I was completely deluded (already has!). The good thing is I actually know he's a complete nob at the moment, and all other evidence suggests I'm not a waste of space so I don't believe him! I just don't want to bring DS up in poverty.

(sorry, rant over)

I have some contacts who would maybe edit for me and make sure I didn't fall into pseudo-science - if they'd be prepared to help. I will ask though, thanks for dropping in with that idea.

I've never heard of library tickets for this kind of thing - what are they? Tickets to allow access to academic libraries even though you aren't registered there?

(Cheers Moley )

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ScummyMummy · 30/01/2007 12:18

Can't you get a p/t job to fund the phd, mt? Or a career development loan, maybe? Glad you are mentally saying whatever to the critical banahead that is your dh.

motherinferior · 30/01/2007 12:23

Oh, MT, I've only just seen this. Arse arse arse (both the situation and your DP).

I don't think that you should have another baby at the moment (and I speak as someone who does have two children and loves them dearly).

Would leaving him automatically mean a degree of poverty that's unlivable with?

Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 30/01/2007 12:39

I already have 2 part time jobs Scrummy. The money they bring in goes towards the cost of living - we have noting left over. I'm hopefully going to get another job soon so we may have some disposable income.

I'm so pee'd off at myself for not saving up my child benefit. I completely trusted DP so never thought Id' need an emergency fund. Make me so .

We have discussed getting a career development loan but DP rules it out because I already have 11k depts from my student loans and constantly berates me for not reducing my student overdraft which is now 2k.

He has just agreed to go to relate so maybe some of these issues can be discussed there.

Definitely not having another baby at the moment MI.

And it's probably a very bad thing for a feminist to think, but I just wish some one would come along and take me away from all this (with DS of course).

I need to go to CAB but I've been so ill lately with flu and we are stuck in the f'ing sticks now I just haven't found the time. Will do some time soon though just to see what my options are.

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Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 30/01/2007 12:40

Sorry about the thread title BTW. It's so melodramatic. How sorry for myself was I when I posted that!

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foxinsocks · 30/01/2007 12:45

well it's your dream and I think you should be allowed to be dramatic about it if you want to!

the book idea is a good one - I don't know what your subject is but it's worth coming up with a few ideas and bouncing them off the publishers and seeing what they think. Can't do any harm (and you don't need to let dp know initially if he's going to be so unhelpful)

Jimjams2 · 30/01/2007 12:51

How about applying for a research assistant post? Don't give up yet, it's worth still sending out proposals. I'm applying for some research funding (just started writing a project proposal this morning) and I'll be sending it out to as many different bodies as I can think of (in order of closing dates rather than preference).

Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 30/01/2007 13:21

I just got turned down for one Jimjams, not enough professional teaching experience. It has to be local too (within 30 miles) so there are only 4 universities to apply to.

How do you find out about them when they come up? Some universties have mail you can sign up to but others don't.

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Lio · 30/01/2007 13:26

So sorry to hear this. I have never 'come out' before, but I am a huge fan of yours. Your posts are always so clear and intelligent, but you are funny and passionate too. I'd buy your book

Original poster

Monkeytrousers · 30/01/2007 13:47

Oh Lio, thank you

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motherinferior · 30/01/2007 13:50

I agree with FIS, that getting a book contract could be one very good option. You won't get masses of money, but you'll get some.

Good to see you're not having another baby yet; I know some women manage marvellously to do a million things at once with babies, but far more don't.

Iklboo · 30/01/2007 13:59

MT - I really don't want to sound negative, but I definitely wouldn't want to have another baby with a dp who was negative, always bringing me down and stopping me pursuing my dream because HE wants another baby.
Do all you can to pursue your dream. Write to the Universities and ask for their advice. hell - even write to some academics & beg (young actors do that kind of thing all the time).
If all else fails - sell your DP!

HallgerdaAxesForWhatSheWants · 30/01/2007 14:38

Over the library ticket issue, a few possible ways in...

Get hold of an application form for a ticket to the British Library. When you have one of those, you may find your local academic institutions' libraries prove more friendly.

Is there a professional body for your subject that you could join (mathematicians have the London Mathematical Society - is there something similar for you?) that would give you library rights?

Do you have any long-term entitlement to library borrowing rights through the institution where you did your first degree? (Even if it's in the wrong place, one library ticket at an academic institution gives you "respectability" that makes it easy to apply elsewhere).

Beg and plead with the librarians at your local university - it might work.

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