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Parenting

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Original poster

age gaps

60 replies

littleweed · 02/06/2004 08:59

just wondering .... what age gap is there betwenyou rchildren? do you think it's too big/too small or just right? is there such a thing as an 'ideal' age gap?
curious little weed

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emmatmg · 02/06/2004 09:16

2yrs 2months between Ds1 and ds2
2yrs 3months between Ds2 and ds3.

DS1 and 2 have a lovely relationship and are always playing together. They are always arguing and fighting too but it's because they never leave the other ones side!!

Ds3 is only 8 months so isn't really playing yet but his big brothers are excellent with him and DS1 is very protective. I often find them sitting either side of DS3 when he's in his bouncy chair giving him different toys or giving a running commentary(SP?) of balamory, tikkabilla, or whatever. Bless them.

Fio2 · 02/06/2004 09:18

I had 22 months between my 2, I think it was too little but thats because they are fighting like cat and dog at the moment.

busybee123 · 02/06/2004 09:27

23 months between ds1 and dd. 2 years 4 months between dd and ds2. 4 years 3 months between oldest and youngest. Yes it is hard work at times but I wouldn't have it any other way. The eldest two do fight sometimes but what siblings don't?!?! at any age?? They get on really well and play nicely together as they are so close in age. The youngest is only 16 weeks so he can't do much with the others anyway, but the older ones sit in front of him in his bouncer or on the floor talking to him and showing him rattles and things! My eldest bounces his little brother gently in the bouncer singing row row row the boat and he loves that!! I think its really sweet. I think the age gaps are fine and we have never had any jealousy to contend with. I think I am really lucky

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misdee · 02/06/2004 09:34

2yr 6 months between my two. think its a lovely age gap and they get on so well (most of the time!)

gold123 · 02/06/2004 09:40

2 years and 4 months - it was hard at first with a newborn and a toilet training toddler, but now they get on really well, (6 and 4). I am thinking about having another - there would be a 5 year gap - not sure what that would turn out like !

NomDePlume · 02/06/2004 09:42

Hi littleweed

DS1 is 12
DS2 is 10.5
DD is 22 months

so...

DS1 - DS2 = 18 Months, almost exactly.
DS1 - DD = 10 years 2.5 months.
DS2 - DD = 8 years 9 months.

Piffleoffagus · 02/06/2004 10:03

ds is 10
dd is 19 mths
think it is too much and am planning another littlie for dd's companion asap.
Situation ruled my choice though... no other alternative, ds was quite lonely at times though but he makes an awesome helper and is more help than I can say to us now

secur · 02/06/2004 10:06

Message withdrawn

Bumblelion · 02/06/2004 10:24

DD1 - age 11 years and 7 months
DS1 - age 7 years and 4 months
DD2 - age 2 years and 8 months

Differences:

first and second born = 4 years, 3 months
second and last born = 4 years, 8 months
first and last born = 8 years, 11 months

It seems my gaps are one of the biggest but I found it quite easy to manage. It is a shame that it is girl, boy, girl so the nearest in age are not the same sex but saying that they still play lovely together.

My eldest who was nearly 9 when the youngest was born was such a help - would occupy her brother while I was feeding the baby, would comfort the baby if I was playing with my son.

When we told the children it was a girl, my son said "oh, I wanted a playstation".

Sometimes they don't get on but this is very rarely and most of the time they do.

Because my youngest has global developmental delay and is a bit "behind", they are both very protective of her and she loves her big brother and sister to bits.

I personally never wanted a smaller gap as I felt I wanted to give each child in their toddler years lots of time and attention without me having to devote myself to another baby but, saying that, I have a friend who has four children and her biggest gap is 7 years and her smallest gap is 13 months and she found the smaller gap easier and better.

Everyone to their own, I suppose.

twiglett · 02/06/2004 10:28

message withdrawn

WideWebWitch · 02/06/2004 10:30

No such thing as ideal I don't think, it all depends on you and your circumstances. But then I've got a huge gap and love it so far (different fathers though!) I've got ds aged 6.5yrs and dd aged 6 months. He's a sweetie with her and is at school during the day so dp (sahd) only has her to deal with during the week.

roisin · 02/06/2004 16:55

I've got 22 months between my two. Sometimes I love it, sometimes I loathe it ... it depends what sort of week we've had! Generally it does work very well for us - and it means you get to chuck out all the bulky baby toys/equipment pretty quickly as you get that stage over and done with

Allyco · 02/06/2004 20:49

I have one aged 18 one 11 and one 6 and another on way. I take my hat off to anyone with small gaps. How on earth do you do it?

Branster · 02/06/2004 21:15

in my opinion 3 yrs is the ideal gap. have a few friends with bigger gaps between them and their sibilings and have to say they don't have much in common, whereas the ones with 2 or 3 yrs between them are really good friends (as children as well as adults) it appears to be more communication when the gap is smaller. but really, who can tell what's best??!! this is purely observational on my part

webmum · 03/06/2004 09:56

There will be 3 1/2 years but I don't think there's any ideal age gap, I think that one should have a baby (first, second, third whatever) only when the parents are ready.

I had lots of pressure form a friend who has similar age gap as me and who's convinced that teh age gap is the source of all her problems with her children, but I know I'd gone crazy (and possibly depressed) if I'd had a baby any sooner than this, because dd was just taking up too much of my energy and patience, and I wouldn't have been able to care for a new as I wanted to.

But it is a PERSONAL thing, and there's no way you can predict how siblings will react to each other, so my ideal gap is:

whenerv is right for YOU!!

Nimme · 03/06/2004 10:04

Littleweed. There will be almost 5 years between my two. Would have liked it to be 4 (had mc) or even better 3 (wasn't ready). From what I have seen around my friends 3 looks like a really good gap. It is more important IMO that you are ready for another child whatever the gap. HTH

lilibet · 03/06/2004 10:22

dd is 15
ds1 is 11
ds2 is 7

Mine was a financial consideration, could never afford to have more than one at nursery at once and it did always mean that I was on mat leave when the eldest two started school so was there to take them/pick them up for their first few months.

I dont know what an ideal gap is. DD tends to ignore the boys and they play/fight together a lot (3 1/2 years between them) but I find that they tend to meet somewhere in the middle so the 11 year old is young for his age adn the 7 year old is quite advanced for his years. This applies in school work as well as social skills and I do put this down to them spending so much time together.

Linnet · 03/06/2004 12:09

dd1 is 6 years 10 months.
dd2 is 13 days old.

so far it's been ok, dd1 is old enough to help out with new baby and hasn't got jealous of her so far. She has her own life outside of the house at school and afterschool activities etc and So long as dd2 doesn't scream too much dd1 is happy. And if my girls are happy then I'm happy

rsv1000r · 03/06/2004 18:19

7 years between my two - not by choice - had fertility problems after dd was born

I don't think there is such a thing as an ideal age gap - it depends on your circumstances - if you are having a career break to raise your family then may be best to have them closer together.

With my first brother there is a 2.5 year gap and then 7 years to the youngest brother - and we still argue!

pollyanna · 03/06/2004 18:23

21 months between ds and dd1, 30 months between dd1 and dd2, and next one (unplanned!!) due when dd2 will be 22 months. ds is 5, dd1 3 and dd2 15 months. So that will be 4 in 6 years (gulp). My 3 are all very close - dd2 is starting to join in their games now, and I think a close age gap is good for the kids (although they all fight). It is extremely tiring for me and dh though - my life outside children is effectively over even before no 4 is born. V tough. (but rewarding of course).

Ailsa · 03/06/2004 20:56

DD1 = 9 years 11 months
DS = 6 years 11 months
DD2 = 9 months

DD1 and DS fight ALL of the time - it seems like it anyway.

DD1 and DS won't let each other touch their toys, but they will let DD2 chew, bash and throw them all over the place.

DD1 and DS both adore their little sister, in fact DD1 has already decided that when DD2 starts school in just over 4 years time, that DD1 who will be 14 by then will collect DD2 from school every day and bring her home!

motherinferior · 03/06/2004 20:58

Two years four months between my two, and they seem to get on fine (dd2 just coming on for a year), in fact they adore each other.

Mind you, there's three years one month between me and my sister, and I hated her like poison for about a decade!

frogs · 03/06/2004 21:02

Snap, Bumblelion!

dd1 -- 9 next week
ds -- 5 in july
dd2 -- 5 months

ie. almost exactly 4 years between the first two, four and a half years between the second two.

I'm entirely positive about the gaps we've had although we didn't exactly plan it. The older ones have been big enough not to see the younger ones as a threat, and I've enjoyed having very different relationships with each one. The older two play together a lot, and are very sweet with the little one.

Tommy · 03/06/2004 21:03

20 months between mine... Bloody hard work but not, as some people told me, twice as much as just having one. The main thing I find is that it takes AGES to get out of the house and go anywhere!

Posey · 03/06/2004 21:45

There's exactly 5 and a half years between mine. Not planned that way but hey, its great. Dd is old enough to be understanding of her brothers needs. In the park, she is fairly self reliant so I can leave her and her friends to it while I constantly follow around a very fast toddler. I know people who've had a baby when their older one is my ds's age (17 months) and have absolutely no idea how they manage!

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