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Smacking children can affect schooling Smacking children can affect schooling Smacking children can affect schooling Smacking children can affect schooling

527 replies

papillon · 01/06/2004 16:35

this

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marialuisa · 04/06/2004 15:10

Secur-depending on the age of the baby it could be allowed. I have seen a policeman completely ignore a mother repeatedly slapping and ranting at a child in a pushchair. sorry, but as things stand you pretty much need broken bones before anything can be done.

secur · 04/06/2004 15:12

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Hulababy · 04/06/2004 15:13

One question then: at what age is a child then 'old enough' to be smacked/hit? Where is the cut off point? How is that decided on?

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marialuisa · 04/06/2004 15:15

Hula-I think you'll get a wide range of answers. i can remeber one debate where someone said they'd smacked a 13 month old.

mears · 04/06/2004 15:17

When you know that they know what they are doing. Mothers know their children in that sense. When 2 1/2 year old DS1 took his nails down the face of DS2 aged 6 months, I knew he did it deliberately by the look on his face. He got a smack for that !!

glitterfairy · 04/06/2004 15:18

This is in many ways an example of what I was saying earlier where is the line drawn? If smacking were banned it would be much much easier to stop this kind of thing. I think we have all been bystanders at times sophable but I bet you wouldnt be next time and that is what is important! I have also been outraged at the things whihc people say to their kids as well as abuse. In Sainsburys the other day a man said to his toddler who had reached out of the trolley after a tin " Touch that again you little c**t and I will chop off your arm." how much better is that and how does the child feel being spoken to like that all the time? I didnt say anything because my mouth was mopping the aisle floor and my kids were staring appalled. My son8 then said " I dont think thats a good way to speak to someone do you mum? " I was more impressed by him speaking up but also worried that if the man heard he might start on ds so rushed away. Anyway a bit of a ramble sorry.

Hulababy · 04/06/2004 15:18

You see, this is one of my problems with smacking. My Dd is 25 months and I honestly do not think she is old enough to be hit for being "naughty" (I don't believe in smacking anyway so only hypothetical), yet people would disagree. To me she is still more a baby than a child, and does not really no much about the right and wrongs of things, or of consequences. At just 2 she is only just learning about them - it is my job to help her.

But on here and other threads I have heard people justifying smacking a toddler

secur · 04/06/2004 15:18

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secur · 04/06/2004 15:50

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Hulababy · 04/06/2004 15:52

Sorry secur - just been away from computer for a bit, that's all. Posting now just to prove I did read your post and wasn't ignoring you!!!

secur · 04/06/2004 15:53

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MeanBean · 04/06/2004 15:57

Hulababy, if you think your toddler is too young to be smacked, then she is - I don't know who, from this thread, would disagree with you. From what I've understood of this argument, the "pro-smackers" for want of a better term, are not saying that everyone else should immediately adopt smacking for their families, just that it works for them. And haven't some said quite specifically that it depends on the individuality of the child? So presumably, they'd all agree with you, as they'd assume (I hope!) that you know your child better than they do.

glitterfairy · 04/06/2004 16:00

Sorry secur but three of us posted at the same time so we could all be miffed. Went away to get kids ready for ballet show but will read up later. Have fun everyone.

mears · 04/06/2004 16:02

That is exactly it meanmum. I did not set out as a parent to smack my children, but found that it was an effective means of discipline. It is not for everyone. I did not set out knowing there was a suitable age to start or stop smacking. I smacked when I thought it was justified (not an eveyday thing at all) - I stopped when it wasn't called for anymore.

secur · 04/06/2004 16:05

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lemonice · 04/06/2004 16:07

just posting to comfort secur

secur · 04/06/2004 16:09

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glitterfairy · 04/06/2004 16:12

No more than me mate! No one said anything about my experience of verbal abuse and lets face it I have always agreed that whilst anti smacking emotional and verbal threats can be just as bad if not worse! Thanks for speaking to me though paranoid paranoid!

glitterfairy · 04/06/2004 16:15

have to go now bye and you see secur I have killed the thread

secur · 04/06/2004 16:18

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secur · 04/06/2004 16:18

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jasper · 04/06/2004 23:44

Mears.I have met all your 4 kids and they are lovely, friendly, well behaved young individuals! I have yet to hear one of your views on parenting that I don't agree with

bloss · 05/06/2004 02:06

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bloss · 05/06/2004 02:13

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papillon · 05/06/2004 08:17

I don´t think any of us could convince you anything Bloss
But if you like next time I ever suppose to post a thread re smacking I promise to title it the - lets all try and convince Bloss on something thread

I am interested in thinking more about the idea of instinct, belief premise Suits my ecology / human ecology background. Bit like the Good Life thread Glitterfairy imo!

The belief premise as a rationale. Seeing smacking from various perspectives as negative. Lots of people have talked about those beliefs already. The example you gave Sophable. I really hope I never have to see what you saw - 6 weeks old - that turns my stomach and makes me very distressed. Those extremes become meshed in my worldview and make me determined to never hit my child - even lightly tap her.
Thats why I have previously used the example of War and smacking. Another form of extreme physical action. I will come to this again in a moment.

The instinct premise - well that could be seen going in two directions:

  • In a situation where reflex action occurs to avoid a dangerous or tragic situation - a smack could occur before the normally non-smacking parents brain took over. A protective mechanism, an instinct.
  • As a human instinct that is controlled and rebuked as a form of disciplining your child.

Alot of people these days DO see smacking as an instinct or belief they would prefer not to use, controlled or non-controlled. I asked a friend this morning and she said she saw it as a weak reinforcer. Something that holds no education value. Explained very well by Bloss as debatable. The child can learn from it. While that may be true some parents don´t want to use it even if a child does learn from it, because of potential internal and external negative feelings and outcomes for both parties, the child and parent.
Its is an ever increasing sign of the times. There are an increasing number people who don´t like smacking. I subscribe to an ideal of peace, and whilst it may be seen a facile to use in this argument from a pro-smacker viewpoint, its me drawing my line right through all forms of physical actions as much as I possibly can. That is facile in another light. I don´t see being facile in todays world as always being an easy option - because for me its sometimes a difficult journey for the human spirit to not always follow and subscribe to the actions, instincts, beliefs of our ancestors, of humans and try and find new alternatives to live by.

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