Un-family- friendly Britain

[Emmam]

Aaaarrrhh. Toys R Us. I can't believe that somewhere for kids can be so un-kid friendly. Our son has been feeling under the weather so I took him to Toys R Us yesterday to buy him a little something to cheer him up. Well, we had just walked in the door when a prolonged coughing fit made him throw up - not much, but enough. It was down his coat, on the floor and he was naturally a bit upset. Behind us was a member of staff who promptly disappeared. I emptied by bag of tissues in an attempt to clean him up and clean the floor. Not one person stopped and asked if we were OK, not one member of staff came along - in fact, I couldn't even see a member of staff. What made it worse was that 3 mums with pushchairs completely ignored us - one even took one look at us and changed aisles to avoid us. There was nowhere I could deposit a bundle of sick covered tissues, no toilet in the store itself. I ended up putting the tissues in my gloves in my bag and walking across the car park to the Mothercare World where I could wash our hands and clean ourselves up properly.

Sorry, but this just annoyed me so much I wanted to tell someone. Next time you see a mum in need do please stop and ask if all is OK - it would have been a great help to me if someone had given me a couple of extra tissues or found a member of staff to tell them to fetch a bucket of water.

Finally, do others find some mums really unfriendly? Whenever we are out walking and I pass another mum with a pushchair or a child a similar age to ours I always smile and say hello. Some of them look at you like you are demented.

[Croppy]

Emmam - what a dreadful story. I am so glad you mentioned the other mothers being unfriendly comment!. We live in an area which has relatively few young children in it. There is a mother around the corner from us with a child who looks to be identical in age to our own and yet whenever me or my husband smile at her when we are out with our respective offspring (or even once, helped pick up some shopping that had fallen out of her pram), we are met with a hostile stare. I go to the Princess of Wales playground quite a bit and am always astonished at the coldness of the mothers there both to other mothers and other children. On my last visit, the entrance gate was slammed shut in me and by baby's face by a woman with two children who clearly knew we were behnd her.

My inclination is always to help out other mums and certainly encourage the children to smile at each other and say hello and so on.

[Marina]

Emmam, Croppy, it's true about other mothers being so unfriendly. We recently moved from one bit of London to another, and the very few mums with pushchairs you see walking about (I am regarded as a bit mental by some of the other parents at our son's nursery because we have a 25 minute walk home instead of a 5 minute stop-start drive through heavy traffic...) never catch your eye or say hello.
Emmam, I'D have stopped and offered wipes etc, I've done it before and try not to let other people's unfriendly attitudes put me off. If milling about unencumbered by pushchair I also always stop to help people up and down steps etc. Even if they prefer to manage alone it's nice to offer.
I happened to be on a bus on a weekday lunchtime this week and was treated to the spectacle of several able-bodied and healthy-looking pensioners, men and women, abusing two women who had got on separately with sleeping children in pushchairs. They all kept chuntering on about how it shouldn't be allowed and how were they expected to get off etc. One of the women was clearly getting quite upset by all this and if I had not been stuck in one corner of the bus I'd have taken their side. I was brought up to respect older people and give up my seat etc to them but I would far sooner have chucked all of those ignorant old codgers off the bus.
Emmam, Croppy, my son and I send you an electronic smile and a wave, it's the best we can do. Hope your son feels better soon Emmam.

[Sml]

I have found exactly the same thing about other mums and babies/toddlers being unfriendly. Sometimes I have felt as though I had BO or something when I try to talk to another mum at the playground! Emmam, your story makes me resolve to keep an eye out for other mothers in trouble. I think this is a British, or Northern European thing - mums and children are much more friendly in Mediterranean countries!

[Tigermoth]

Croppy, emmam, Sml, Marina I'm with you!. And what about the unfriendly mothers at the school gate? As I don't take my son to school regularly, because I work, I make a real effort when I am there to smile at mothers with children in his year. Only a few mothers acknowledge this and I am cultivating their friendship. Also I find girls mums less friendly. Perhaps because they don't see my very boyish son as an obvious playmate for their daughters.

[Emmam]

Glad to hear there are lots of friendly, helpful mums out there, it restores my faith no end!

My son is feeling lots better this morning too, he's still got a hacking cough, but he was keen for his breakfast this morning.

[Kia]

When I had one in a pram and another on the way I used to go on the Underground quite alot and one day was approached by a big punk rocker with all the coloured hair and nose rings, he lifted the pram up a load of steps for me, said goodbye and left me standing open mouthed! I have to agree with you about the old farts they really are the worst in terms of manners and courtesy. I can't help but growl at them if they try anything!! You'd think toysrus would have a toilet etc - I suggest you write a letter of complaint to the Management - who knows you might get a free gift or a voucher?! A friend of mine complains quite a bit about sub standard service and quite often gets surprised by vouchers from customer services who want to make amends!

[Emmy]

Just wanted to tell my nice story as contrast to Emmam's. Just before xmas I was shopping with both my girls in double buggy, got to childrens dept of M&S. eldest daughter vomited suddenly all over self, buggy, and (brand new) floor! Immediately another female customer gave me a carrier in case of a repeat, loads of tissues and sympathy for my daughter and me. When I called a member of staff to tell them the floor would need a clean(!), they got a first-aider to check she was ok, one girl started rushing around to find some clothes, one helped me strip her, sit her on a terry as the buggy was soaked, and tucked her up in her coat to keep her warm. Should add I am staff, but none of these people knew this. plus only a couple of weeks before the same daughter choked on a sweet there and same thing -first aider, loads of help, someone pushed buggy for me while I got her a drink. Can't fault it really! Just wanted to show that not every where is like the awful ( yes I agree) ToysRus!

[Tom]

Some of you may be interested in a new report on work-life balance practices in the UK - it covers the hours that we work, policies and practices to help etc.
I've put it on our website in pdf format - you can download it if you like, but it is a .25Mb file - you have been warned!
Download here

[Tlb]

Last year I went shopping in IKEA with toddler in tow - first big mistake! Then as she was starving I decided we should have some food and a cup of tea in their cafe. As I was juggling tray of food and by then a grumpy and loud toddler (having managed to dump shopping close-ish) I joined the queue to pay for my food. The old 'gentleman' (read git) in front of us changed his mind about something and went back to cahnge it - so I moved up greatful for a slightly shorter queue. 5 mins later he pushed back in! By this time my daughter is driving me mad and all I want to do is pay and sit down. So I said somthing about how rude he was. He just turned on me a spouted how 'us young mothers these days want it all our own way blah blah' I was flabbergasted and all I could come back with at the time was a very sarcastic 'and a Merry christmas to you too - Scrooge' But then a french family on the next table helped me to find a highchair and settled my daughter in for me.

On another note I am embarrasingly helpful - I remember being heavily pregnant and insisting on helping another mum with pushchair down some stairs as no-one else would (she didn't know whether to be horrified or pleased!)and if I see someone with a vomit ridden child and a lack of tissue believe me I have wipes in every handbag! Maybe I could become 'wipe woman'!! next time eh!

[Sml]

Did anyone else read the Saturday times mag last weekend? It was dedicated to "the cult of modern motherhood" (as though we are pandering to some fashion in having children!) Plus points were a large picture of Jerry Hall breastfeeding - interesting to see that while Jerry remains an ice cool Texan beauty, her baby was pigging away with the best of them! - BUT, in another article, it said that apparently there are two organisations of single people which are basically against families, in the UK! Apparently they resent all the benefits that parents get, eg all that SMPP and first choice over doing the night shift at work or not in the NHS etc.
Wonder if these people are saving enough money to look after themselves in their old age? because if they're not, it's our children's and grandchildren's taxes which'll be funding them in their nursing homes in 50 years time.

[Croppy]

Yep Sml, I read it and have also read a number of articles on these groups before. They make my blood boil!. As you say, it is parents who are bearing the (huge) cost of raising the next generation who of course will support the current generation in their old age. But what is REALLLY annoying is that to hear them go on, you'd think maternity benefits and so on in this country were generous to a fault. What people seem to forget is that the standard for maternity pay in this country is a lousy 6 weeks at 90% of your salary and then £60 a week or whatever SMP is at the moment. Hardly a great benefit and one that is totally inadequate.....

Surely the sign of a civilised society is one in which we accept and accomodate the need to produce future generations!

[Tom]

Make my blood boil too - the most prominent group is "KIDDING ASIDE" - according the them, children are a "lifestyle choice" !!!!!!!

[Kia]

I usually read the Times cover to cover on Saturdays - my little treat - I started on this section and threw it away in disgust. What utter drivel, and what a wasted opportunity.

[Snowy]

So you didn't see the postive article about mumsnet in The Observer?

[Kia]

Just read the article on their website. Does this mean we're respectable?!

[Marina]

I hope not Kia. Given that this venerable paper was home for many years to the great Katharine Whitehorn amongst others I would say that it gave us extra cred. Anyone else attempt to cook any of her recipes in "Cooking in a Bedsitter" in their wild youth? Did the ox liver recommendation turn you veggie as well?
I thought it sounded like Kate Kellaway really enjoyed visiting the site, a refreshing change from certain controversy-by-the-ream writers...

[Jule]

Cat92 & Tom, Hi fellow cardiff mothercare haters, I would just like to say mothercare world at culverhouse cross has been brilliant, however the help I've recieved from staff at newport road mothercare world stinks . I've recieved nothing but helpful advice from the assistants at CC- and can't praise them enough, just thought you'd like to know not all stores are unhelpful. it pays to find one which delivers good service after all we haven't got a lot of choice have we !!!

[Jbr]

Even though I have Jack I still think that a non-parent should get the same "perks" as me at work, if you can call them that! For instance, all workers can get what is called "Time off for dependents" (ie anything to do with home, even non-parents have lives outside work) I don't know if all workers are entitled or if you have to be working there for so long or what. But I thought it was a good idea and gets rid of any "them and us".

[Jbr]

My local taxi firm charges £50 if you are sick in the car. I know sometimes it is just drunken idiots but adults and kids drunk or not (LOL) can still get ill! It makes you frightened to take children in a taxi!

[Babynick]

Climbing Frames - has anyone had any experience of shopping for Climbing Frames with kids in tow? Do retailers let children play on display equipment?
Shopping with kids is usually a nightmare... but surely toy retailers will let them play, won't they?

[Suew]

Everywhere I've ever been in the UK has signs across the steps etc to prevent the children climbing up. And the sign usually says not to allow the children on the equipment.

In Canada last year we visited a toy warehouse where they had a trampoline set up, complete with safety net around it. Big sign at the side 'Please remove shoes. Limited to 5 minutes per child'

I suppose the UK shops are looking at it from an insurance point of view but it's much nicer to be able to see how your child can cope with something.

[Hmonty]

If you're in the West Sussex area there's a fantastic toy place called North Park Farm in Henfield. They have loads of outdoor toys (climbing frames, swings, trampolines, ride ons etc) set up on the farm and the kids (and adults) are encourage to try them out. We've even been there instead of going to the park as the choice is great (and Mummy likes having a bounce on the trampoline!). They do the full TP and Little Tikes ranges plus other bits.

We looked in Toys R Us and in the early learning centre and they all prevented trying out the climbing equipment. :-(

[Ailsa]

Beware any visitors to Worcester, in their wisdom they have decided to put a lock on the toilet door, put a sign up saying that it is for the use of customers only, which is fair enough, but when they have the only child size toilet in the whole city! We now have to go and ask an assistant to unlock the door, I didn't bother to wait, I took my son to the toilets in the bus station downstairs, no doubt they'll ask us to show a receipt to prove that we have actually bought something there.

I'm sooooooooooooo angry about it.