7 yr old scared to go for sleepover because he wears pull-ups

[chocolatemuppet]

So my 7 year old has been invited to his friend's house for a sleepover / birthday party this weekend. He's been excited for weeks. But as the weekend has drawn closer, he's getting more and more upset, because he wears pull-ups - still wet at night. He's absolutely mortified that the other boys might find out., to the point that he sobs before bedtime. He really wants to go, but is now saying he may not stay. He will feel he's missing out though.

Just wondered if anyone has suggestions? I've suggested the following -

1. put the pull-ups in his sleeping bag, so he can put them on in bed / take them off in bed. He says they rustle.

2. speak to friends parents - they will usher him to the bathroom to put them on. But again, he says they will rustle when he walks, and he doesn't want the parents knowing.

I'm all out of ideas, just wondered if anyone had any better suggestions?! Thanks in advance!

I think option 2 would be better as there'd be an adult taking control. If you try 1 I could see your ds worrying about sorting it and getting anxious.

I don't think other boys would notice though...I'm sure they'll be making enough noise to cover any rustling!

I'm watching with interest though if anyone has any other ideas though as my Dnephew has the same problem.

Poor love. My DD is similar. If it's any consolation, when her friend came to sleep over they very quickly came to an understanding, and DD is now happy that her friend knows and will help her keep it quiet from other friends at the sleepover.

So maybe talking to parents might be one to encourage?

Baggy PJs? So it really doesn't show/ rustle?

Oh bless him. My DS is 7 and has only been dry at night for a few months, so I understand his anxiety. My DS had one sleepover when he still wore pullups, and we went with your option 2. The Mum was fab about it, and his friend had absolutely no idea, as PP said, they were both so excited (and noisy) that he simply did not notice! Tell him my son's story, it might make him feel a bit more relaxed about it.

I had a mother discreetly tell me her daughter wore a pull up. I left a bag in the bathroom for her for easy disposal, no problems. She eventfully told my daughter who kept her word and never mentioned it. I am sure with a parent on board it will work out.

That must be so heartbreaking!

Would something like this make less noise?
www.thenappylady.co.uk/trainer-pants/motherease-bedwetter-pants.html

The lady who runs that site is fab for advice anyway.

Is it still fashionable to wear onesies? If so, could he have a baggy one that rustles a bit? Definitely extra baggy PJs help. DS2 had this issue and used to put pull-ups on in sleeping bag and also take them off and leave them in the base of the sleeping bag in the morning. Never stopped him from sleeping over with friends.

Tbh I wouldn't allow my seven year old to go on a sleepover if they still wore pull-ups. I'd be worried that they'd be ridiculed. Is there a medical reason why he still wears them at that age?

If it was me I wouldn't put him in pull ups.

I'd tell him to go to the loo immediately before bed. Give him pants and two pairs of dark pyjama trousers If he wees in his sleeping bag tell him to slip them off in the bag and put the other pair on (he could hide them in the bottom of the sleeping bag).

Roll up bag and you'll wash everything when he gets home.

How will he dispose of it in the morning?

Bigger sized pants to go over the pj pants to stop the rustling (which I've honestly never heard, my DS wears the drynites ones) and a baggy onesie in case he's worried about them showing above the waistband of his pj bottoms. Get changed in the bathroom. When packing his pj's, place the pj pants inside the onesie then fold it so he can just take the pj's into the bathroom and get changed.
Bless him.

Would you have chance to get to the GP to get some desmopressin? It normally takes a day or two to work but if you could get there tomorrow, your DS should be dry by the weekend. I have some for my dc's to use on special occasions like sleepovers and residentials.

Otherwise, I'd go with option B. I text the mum for one sleepover and it turned out that her DS had the same issues. My DS was so happy to know he wasn't the only one! It's much more common than you'd perhaps think

That's interesting Tilly I've never heard of that. Do you just ask the gp for it? Might save DS some embarrassment in the future if we can use something like that. Mind you, still waiting to be referred to enuresis clinic so not sure how helpful the gp would be.

Thanks so much for the advice! It's really helpful, I don't want him to miss out. Excellent idea about onesies - hadn't occurred to me, and will check the websites out too. It's reassuring to know how many others there are, and I'll tell him about some of the replies, thanks again.

Lulucappuccino - odd reply and not completely helpful. No medical issue, it is completely normal in many 7 year old boys. And I don't want to punish him for something that isn't his fault by 'not allowing' him to go.

Basically, our bodies produce a hormone (desmopressin) which basically slows down the production of urine when you're asleep. For most children, this hormone kicks in around the age of 3-4. For some children, it doesn't kick in until an older age and that's why they're not dry at night. Without the hormone, it's very difficult for a child to be dry (unless they're a very light sleeper). There are other reasons for bed wetting (infection/psychological reasons) but assuming those have been ruled out, then the lack of desmopressin is probably the reason. Hopefully you'll have a switched on GP who'll prescribe it. It's not a long term solution but for one offs, it can save a lot of embarrassment

My ds is 12 and still in pull-ups- we have tried various options on the sleepover front!!

At 7, I would say letting the parents know is the best bet - they can also then keep an eye out for wet bedding/pjs, and just manage things. I would give ds his pj pants in a seperate plastic bag, then parents drop that into the bathroom and send ds in just before bed. Then parents make sure the collect the plastic bag plus its contents in the morning to dispose of discretely. Ds now keeps his on his wash bag, but tbh he's pretty relaxed about it. Most of his good mates know and none have ever taken the piss or tattled on him.
If he puts them on last thing and takes off first thing any ruffling shouldn't be noticed. Baggy pj top can feel nice and disguising too.

With ds we also did some role playing on his 'worst case scenarios' so he could think through what he might do if someone noticed, or if he wet the bed for example. Might be helpful (we would take turns st role playing him and the other person, if that makes sense?!

& doing my education bit for lulu: nighttime bed wetting is a medical issue - it's to do with the production of a hormone which controls the amount of wee you produce at night. In some kids the hormone takes longer to turn on, delaying them being dry at night. In addition, some children will sleep more soundly, not hearing their body's signals. There are various treatments, but if they don't work the only option is to wait. Symptoms can be controlled by medication, but this isn't usually given until 7-8 as nighttime bed wetting is too common before then. Even at 10yo, 1 in 10 kids will still not be dry at night. It's more common in boys.

Luckily, ds has only ever had friends, teachers and group leaders who have been 100% supportive, so he's never missed out on anything.

I meant to suggest desmo too - it's a great quick solution. If you talk to the HP they may also be able to get you an alarm (beeps when they see in the niht) that helps a lot of kids.

X-post with Tilly. I call it a medical issue as (for ds at least) it has a medical rather than a physchological reason. Or 'just being lazy'

I would worry he'd feel more punished by being mocked by his peers. It genuinely would concern me a lot.

Medication sounds like a good idea.

I haven't read the whole thread, so not sure if someone has mentioned this, but I sewed a pull up into my son's pyjama bottoms when he went for a sleepover and then gave him a plastic bag to put them in in the morning.

Can I just say if you get the desmopressin, give it a road test first! DD was prescribed it but for whatever reason it hasn't worked for her so far.

Excellent tip about onesies from a pp, I shall find one before DD goes to her friends birthday sleepover.

My nearly 7 yr old is the same OP, except he genuinely couldn't care less what other people think! His close friends know and don't care but he's due a school sleepover soon and I'm going to encourage him to go for option 2.

I admire his couldn't care less attitude but fear other kids will ridicule him .

I honestly don't think anyone will notice if the kid's parents help.

Good luck.

There are pj bottoms online that are completely absorbent and come with a waterproof carrier bag . Or can just be left in the bottom of the sleeping bag as suggested . They are navy and could be worn with any suitably trendy top. A little bit pricey but are washable and look quite baggy so might last some time.
Also echo the GP medication route though it might be too late for this option.
Discrete handling of the situation by host mum will I'm sure make it a great party.
Ps next day delivery available from some companies.

My ds's friend wore pull ups aged 8 when he came for a sleepover. His mum told me so I was able to shut my kids out of the room whilst the 8yo put his pull up on. So I do think the best option is telling the parents.

That said, he should not be sleeping over with a friend who cannot be trusted to keep this secret or trusted not to ridicule. Because that person would not actually be a friend. The 2nd time I had the boy who needed pull ups, I had two others as well. Both my kids knew this boy wore pull ups, both have kept it secret/not ridiculed.

I saw a post by someone who entrusted the secret with the host mother who, when it was lights out told the child to hop along in his sleeping bag to the bathroom to have his 'medicine' and the pull up was put on quickly and he hopped back in his sleeping bag to bed and it was lights out. Same again first thing in the morning. All sleeping bags rustle as well so it's all well hidden.