Is 14 months too young for discipline? And what should I be doing if not smacking?

[MerryMarigold]

SO CONFUSED.

I think ds is at an age where he can learn what is acceptable/ not acceptable. But am not sure how to teach him. It is a very few simple things like:

• do not put your hand in poo when I am changing you (did it 4 times during one bad nappy change the other day!)
• stop doing something when I ask (eg. banging on the TV)
• don't spit out food

My Mum thinks smacking is the way as we were smacked and it didn't do us any harm (that we can pinpoint). As long as it is only 1 smack and you have not lost it, she says it is fine. I have read things that say it isn't ok (without explaining WHY it's not ok), so I am really confused now.

He is far too young to understand 'reason', so how to I teach him that he needs to obey if Mummy says 'stop' if not smacking?

He's a very happy, confident little boy, and I don't want to bash that out of him, but neither do I want a child who is badly behaved/ disobedient/ disrespectful.

Please help!

LOL at the 'No' CD...

I am fortunate enough to have two small rooms downstairs off my kitchen so the main one (our old living room) is now DS's playroom. Also makes it easy when i have friends visiting with other small kids - don't have to worry about spills, accidents etc.. I was quite house proud before DS came along so this works best for me and my patience. Off this room divided by safety gate is 'our' space, and in here DH and I have shifted all our bookshelves (minus one), coffee table, small futon and things we'd rather stayed intact and personal to us. I can sit in here (as i'm doing now) and watch DS play/nap whatever and not feel like i no longer have any adult space. Does that make sense? If the house was shaped differently it would be another story but this works great for us.

Such a long day if i spend it running round saying 'No....'....i'd much rather play with him and let him be free.

I do believe in the naughty step but wouldn't put a child under 18mths on it. IMO it's good to start establishing boundaries now; just don't expect your ds to understand the rules yet.

i'd get rid of the telly before I smacked my 14 month old over it

seriously

don't smack - divert away to things that you can say well done for & give praise.

For the nappy I change my ds 15 months in the bath! He stands up & I can hose down all the poo. Works well & all clean. Try changing standing up when out & about. Can stand lO on the floor for thisq - no changing table needed.

i found with mine that baby-proofing is the easiest thing to do,and works untill about 2-2.5 when they start learning to move furinture to climb on and can open safety gates(well,both my ds's could open them by 2).by that age they have more language skills and its reasonable to expect them to start learning boundaries.

there is a skill to the nappy thing (if they wont hold a toy/wipes/clean nappy etc)that involves gently holding both baby,s hands still whilst removing pooey nappy+wiping bum with one hand.

The nappy thing...I change him on my knee and give him a book/toy to play with......

Agree with Enid and Aloha. My ds is 20 months and would be most perplexed if I introduced a naughty step or even the idea 'naughty' (a word I dislike intensely, but that's by the by). It is natural and important for their development to be into everything. We save our strong 'no's for the cooker, sockets (we have protectors, of course, but think it's useful if he's wary in case he ever encounters one without one) and similar dangers. Otherwise, distraction and if necessary removal from the situation is the way to go. And if I say 'don't do that, please, ds' he's actually gradually got better at following it, at least some of the time.
Picking your battles is important. I don't particularly like ds climbing all over the sofa (a fairly new thing - he's walked since 14 months but has only recently sussed climbing), but I'm resigned to it and just stick very close to him when he does it in case he loses his balance.

i would agree, my daughter started walking totally unaided at just under 10 months old and i had a really hard time with a baby at that age, trying to teach her what she could and couldnt touch, i started by just removing her from whatever it was, and saying a firm, low voiced NO, then when she got to about 14 months (after 6 months of this) i stopped moving her away and just tried the NO and it worked fine with her. so what i actually agree with is that smacking is not the way, i dont disagree with snacking but i do believe it should be the very very very very very last thing a parent should do and only if the situation is very dangerous etc. I think its important to understand your baby (which he still is at 14 months) just wants to explore and to not let him could really repress that nature. I found moving anything i didnt want him to touch out of his reach helped.

With the feeding thing, i dont actuallythink it happens just because a baby isnt hungry, some babies just want to play a bit, but i chose to just remove the bowl when my daughter began throwing it on the floor, then putting it back 10 mins later. She soon learnt messing with her food just made lunchtime long and boring.

Wait until he gets to my eldest age now at 21 months old! Now when i say no she gives me a dirty look and walks off!