Boys and girls.

[joben]

Is there anybody out there with a ds and a dd who is prepared to admit that boys are physically more difficult to handle than girls. I have two boys aged 20 months and 31/2 and when I watch my friends with girls tha same age as my eldest they seem so less destructive and less manic. For example I have friends who can actually have showers in the morning and for several minutes too leaving their children unattended without coming back down to a destroyed house. I know girls can be stroppier, more wilfull, but can we drop the p.c lobby and be honest for a while......?

There is definately a difference and if someone had told me this prior to me having children I would have said what a lot of old rot !! My dd is only 8 months old so have yet to see whether she'll be into climbing, wrecking and general mischief that my 3 yr old ds enjoys !! I'm amazed at how long, the girls that I know that are the same age as ds, will spend putting things in neat piles and restoring order to puzzles and the like whereas ds will be running around, singing, dancing, acting....anything to avoid sitting down for too long ! It is definately a gender thing !! That's my excuse anyway !

Oh, so true. And unfortunately it stays throughout life. How many women do you see attacking policemen and horses at football games. I grew up in Berkeley in the 60's/70's and my mother said that she tried to give dolls and trucks equally to both me and my brother. We promptly swapped: I ended up with all dolls and my brother all trucks.

My ds is the sweetest little boy but i think Im gonna go insane soon. My house looks like a tornado has gone through it and still has not left. Here are just a few examples of what my ds loves to do all day long. He loves to take all my can goods and containers out of our spnning cabinet and put them in our oven. This is a never ending thing. Just last week I turned my oven on 400 and I dont even know what made me lookn inside but when I did there were several of my dh computer cds in it. thank God I looked before it really got heated up. Hes in the dishwasher 100 times a day. He practically can run it. If my older children accidentally leave the bathroom door open there he is dumping everything he can in the toilet. Two weeks ago I forgot to put the gate up and my ds snuck in my ds bedroom. When I went to find him he was standing there holding his deoderant chewing on a big chunk. Talk about panicking. He acted like it was candy or something. One time he was caught in the spinning cabinet with my teas bags all ripped open all over the floor. My ds son has tons of toys and finds this stuff more entertaining. This is just some of the things my ds loves to do. I really feel most boys are quite more active. I forgot to mention my ds is 19 mo.

Threeangels - I can really sympathise as very similar things happened in my household - that was until I discovered cupboard locks, video guards, stair gates etc, etc... I always said that I would never move things but the reality of it is somewhat different. One thing that really worked for me was buying a small slide - one of the little tikes cubes with a little slide coming from it, and putting it in my dining room. It meant that my house looked like a creche for a while but it seemed to channel all of ds' energy and inquisitiveness and kept him out of quite so much mischief - every time he went to climb or do something he shouldn't I told him no and directed him towards his cube. Sounds obscure but really worked !

Threeangels, I too have a whirlwind of boy. He is lovely and very happy 99% of the time, but his inquiring mind is enough to drive us to distraction sometimes. He is not even two but he's already figured out how to open cupboards with childproof hooks on them, he unscrews lids off bottles even though I THOUGHT they were tightly screwed on, and he can find the appropriate key for the appropriate lock and he proceeds to unlock doors. He also has boundless energy. So everything gets put out of reach until he gets more 'under control' (if that ever happens). I know what you mean by boys & girls, I take him to playgroup once a week and most of the little girls can actually sit nicely and eat their morning tea and play with something quietly. The boys on the other hand are swinging from the chandeliers, so to speak. Having said that, my ds will sit for at least an hour and watch a video that he likes, and he still sleeps for 2.5 hours during the day so it gives me a much-needed break.

Yes joben I have a dd (5 yrs) and ds (3), and there is a BIG difference! Although I will admit that having an older sister, ds does enjoy playing with her toy kitchen/teaset/Barbies etc, he also LOVES his box of trucks and cars, blocks and so on, and enjoys getting down and dirty in the sandpit as well as playing with water. Dd by comparison at this age used to hate getting dirty at all, even sand on her hands. Ds doesn't seem to have the same concentration span for puzzles, crafts or games, but he is starting to like looking at books now. Both love dancing, singing and being loud and seem on a par with that! But ds is more physically "violent" than dd ever was, with hitting, slapping, biting and throwing things all "normal" tantrum behaviour. I don't remember dd's tantrums being this way, hers was more just screaming and crying. They both lead each other astray though, and I have caught dd a number of times whispering little ideas in his ear. Having said that I do feel ds is more affectionate as a toddler than dd was, more needy somehow, and likewise I do feel more protective towards him; dd has always been very stubborn and independent (and wilful, like you say) but maybe it's a mother/daughter power struggle thing? What do others think? Could this be the reasoning behind "mummy's boys and daddy's girls"?

Hi joben,
I have the ultimate proof that boys are more of a handful - two and a half year old twins, boy and , and the lad is definitely the tornado of the two. The big difference it seems to me at this stage is that his sister can sit down and concentrate on a task for 5-10 minutes, whereas he just gets bored and has to physically DO something....he literaly cannnot sit still and even wriggles areound while eating a meal.
However, they do have their uses - channel that activity gene - he loves loading the washing basket, carrying kindling for the fire, brushing the floor, hoovering and washing up. And he is actually less likely to say no - where his sister is already a drama queen.....
can't win....

I should have said that I don't think girls are necessararily easier to handle they just seem able to concentrate for longer and generally calmer. I have noticed that they can be sneakier whereas boys are more upfront in general.having taught in Primary schools for many years I know that boys who are lively and physical now ( I know many who aren't by the way)will always be. And for those of you tearing your hair out now, wait till your friend's girls are 9 plus and are constantly falling in and out of friends with their classmates/best friends. You may feel a bit smug!What really gets me now is mums of girls looking at my tearaway boys at playgroups imploring me to control them. I'm ashamed to say when mums of girls are pregnant for the second time I pray for them to have boys next time around. Am I a bit obsessed???

I have noticed that mothers of girls are much more likely to look groomed and have make up on than mothers of boys - I wonder if this is the 'being able to leave them on their own for a few minutes' thing that joben mentioned. I am a mother of boys and I'm doing well if I have managed to brush my hair before leaving the house...

Anyone else noticed this?

Sorry, I meant anyone else noticed mothers of girls looking groomed, not has anyone else noticed that I haven't brushed my hair today!

Hilary I can't say I've noticed that - a few mums at my playgroup have boys and they are very well groomed. I was also going to add, Joben, that I've noticed a few little girls (not many) at playgroup that get just as 'physical' as the boys - they throw sand, dump water on other kids and tend to be very vocal, like screaming if they don't get their own way. So I think there are definitely a few 'tomboys' out there!! One little girl, a bit younger than my ds, was sitting down eating some fruit and she saw my ds just standing there minding his own business. She got up, walked over to him, pushed him really hard so that he fell over, and then she just walked away again. (????) I couldn't believe it. I must admit it's good to know that girls can act like this too occasionally!

am also mother of twins boy & girl have older son too, i think daughter is much more hard work - but mine are older twins 9 older boy 12, girl has tantrums, door slamming, stair stomping etc am just hoping this is a couple of years build up of PMT cos she wont survive teenage years at this rate guarenteed!
but the boys are fab - they play without bothering me for ages and ages , fixing their bikes , skateboarding, fishing, whereas girl wants female attention ( me) and after working all day - the last thing i want to do is share makeup and hairstyling tips with a nine year old - then the stair stomping begins ... 9 years later - i dont get to go to the loo or have a bath in peace without ( usually) the three of them sitting on the side of the bath or outside the loo - relaying the days events!
give me boys anyday!

I have 1 boy (4.5) and 1 girl (2.5) and despite being similar in character (both energetic and wilfully independant) there is a definite boy/girl difference.

My boy is an action man, on the go all the time, and loves nothing better than leaping off the furniture and wrestling with his mates/dad/bachelor uncles/anybody else with the nerve to participate. He has always loved trucks, cars, trains etc, with a definite preference for anything that he had to push around himself (I remember him getting very annoyed at 2yo with a friend's train that worked by batteries!). To be fair to him,though, he can sit and concentrate when something interests him. I think the secret with this sort of lad is to channel the energy in suitable ways as best you can, and do your best to avoid situations where it can be destructive (easier said than done sometimes, I know).

Dd has grown up surrounded by trucks and trains, but we had to buy her a baby doll before she was 1 because everywhere we went she tried to steal other girl's dolls. She plays endlessly with her babies, feeding them, changing them, taking them for walks in the buggy etc.

In balance, though, I've found ds on the whole easier than dd. Although his energy level and general bull-in-a-china-shop ways can be a challenge, his sister is far more devious and manipulative, even at 2.5. She also seems totally impervious to being told off! I find the situation similar to Mollipop's - ds seems more needy than dd, and definitely needs 'Mummy time' more than her. Dd is far more self assured and independant, and I really admire her for that.

Reading this I realise that it sounds as though I prefer ds to dd - that's not the case, I love them both to bits, but they both have very different qualities.

Joben -pray for ME to have a boy next time round please! I have a 21/2yr old dd, and I DO NOT want another girl ever again! (obviously I'll be eating my words when this all goes wrong) Not because of any other reason other than I'm convinced that boy's will be more loving and less willfull and independant. But thanks for starting this thread as I really had never thought about the 'destructive' element of boys (although saying that, dd is a whirlwind at times!) I totally agree with gender differences too, its so blindingly obvious how could people try and deny it?
Custardo, I can see the future of my dd too, and its terrifying! I know what I nightmare I was from about 10 through till erm...19ish!!! GAH! You have my sympathies, I have another 7 or 8 yrs before I have to go through it from the other side!!

Azzie, yeah I want boys so they want to have 'Mummy-time' with me - am sick of being given a quick cuddle on my knee then kicked in the shins as dd runs off to be independent somewhere!! (totally selfish attitude I realise!!)

I know what you mean Lizzer - I have moments when I can see all too clearly dd at 16! At least I have some experience to draw on - dh is going to be in real trouble, because he never went off the rails as a teenager, and is accustomed to dealing with situations using cool rational logic!

I don't have a boy just a girl. She is only 8 months so difficult to say but she's so far a very easy good baby although I can already see signs of tantrums when she doesn't get what she wants and she knows exactly how to play everyone.

Funny you should say that Lizzer, but I've always thought that it was boys who were less loving and more independant. My dd is extremely clingy but also very loving and affectionate, laid-back and gentle. Whenever I go to playgroups with her it's always the boys who are pushing her over, running other kids over with their bikes, generally being boisterous and wilfull. I have heard of loads of mothers saying over and over that they wish they had a little girl as their ds doesn't hug them or smother them with kisses, but rather will kick out at them or punch them. I'm sure there are boys who are the exact opposite of this, but from what I've seen, girls are mainly more sensible and caring.

I wouldn't like to have a boy at all. I know that's a terrible thing to say, but I just do not get on with boys and cannot stand the thought of them growing up into Kevin. IMO teenage girls are far nicer (and more hygenic) than teenage boys. God I'm being really biased now aren't I? I'd better shut up!

Actually Rhubarb I feel similar but because I have a girl probably. Can't imagine a boisterous boy ! My dh would like a boy next time but must admit, secretly I'd prefer another girl.

I guess the other thing is that although there are fundamental differences, boys are more boisterous, girls more catty, it is at the end of the day down to the individual childs temperament.

I have a dd of 2 + 5 months and so far I agree with Rhubarb, she's a lovely little thing, very loving and cuddly (I would say that, I know ). She's actually really good company most of the time! She doesn't have many tantrums and I would hesitate to say she was manipulative, I HATE that term it seems so adult and knowing. I would love another little girl in October, although I think dp would like a boy, just because of the man thing. I always think of the boys I know as much more independant and boisterous, I know one boy of dd's age who is a little softee and very sweet and cuddly, but most of them seem to be complete tyrants, running round wrecking the place! I've got lots of women friends, went to an all girls school and have a sister whom I'm very close to, so I wonder if I just feel more comfortable with girls, boys certainly seem like more of an unknown quantity!

Rhubarb - sounds like my DS is at your DD's playgroup!

I've got two boys and two girls and they are all equally cuddly and loving. Neither of my boys were overly boisterous (both in their 20's now) but even so, the girls are still less physical. My teenage DD is a sweetie, we've had no tantrums or strops from her and she's a great companion. I shudder to think how my 6yr old DD will be in 10 years time - at least I'll be able to send her off to live with her big brothers if she's too much trouble, LOL! What I have noticed as they all get older is that my eldest DS and eldest DD are very alike in nature while my youngest DS and youngest DD are similar to each other.

I have a friend who was sitting in at her usually boisterous son's playgroup.Considering he is a "typical" boy he can sit for ages listening to stories and was enjoying doing this, despite the fact that a girl of the same age was poking him with a ruler in the bottom continually (unfortunately out of my friend's reach). After suffering in silence for long enough he eventually turned round and whacked her one for which he got a telling off while the girl got lots of attention. I know this happens a lot in school and is one of the reasons why boys get labelled as troublesome more often than girls because their "naughtiness" is more apparent/louder . I guess we have to hope the teachers are more vigilant although how do they do that in classes of 30+. I'm beginning to sound really anti-girl aren't I? I must add that when I was teaching I used to love having what they perceived as mature girlie chats with my team of helpers at playtimes.

Ok, I'm going to have to disagree...

I have DS 3 1/2 and DD 13months. DS is becoming quite a handful now, but as a baby he was an angel...

DD empties kitchen cupboards; pulls books out of bookcases; throws things through the stairgate and down the stairs; empties the bins; pulls clothes off hangers; empties toy boxes; she sees a door and she's out of it; stairs and she's up them...need i go on???

DS was never like this...