Boys and girls.

[joben]

Is there anybody out there with a ds and a dd who is prepared to admit that boys are physically more difficult to handle than girls. I have two boys aged 20 months and 31/2 and when I watch my friends with girls tha same age as my eldest they seem so less destructive and less manic. For example I have friends who can actually have showers in the morning and for several minutes too leaving their children unattended without coming back down to a destroyed house. I know girls can be stroppier, more wilfull, but can we drop the p.c lobby and be honest for a while......?

I wonder if birth order makes a difference here? I know of girls who have older brothers and are much more aggressive and tom-boyish than those who are from girl-only families or where the girl is the older sibling. Similarly, boys from boy-only families seem a bit "wilder" than those who have older sisters. Is it a case of following the leader, or learning by example so to speak? I agree it does have a lot to do with individual temperament and personality, but maybe this could be another factor in the mix?

My 3 year old ds can be so very good - a real model child in the supermarket, well spoken, says his pleases and thank yous, basically looks and acts like an angel generally when we are out. At home he can be very funny, helpful, extremely loving - made my day by referring to me as 'beautiful mummy' for days after I had my hair cut and coloured.

BUT...he can turn into a mini hurricane. He leaps around the furniture, he's boisterous in his play, thinks nothing of jumping off the stairs and throws himself at you. He actually broke my finger last week. He threw himself at me and my finger was in the wrong place. It went crack and I've had to have it strapped up ever since. I'm off to hospital today for a follow up appointment. It was an accident and he was very sorry afterwards and he's also been very careful around my 'poorly finger', however, I've not met anyone else yet whose child has inflicted physical injuries on them. About 12 months ago he accidentally gave me a black eye and not long after that managed to inflict a corneal abrasion on dh by accidentally poking him in the eye!!

I swear this boy is going to kill us! However, despite all that,if I have another then I really hope it is a boy!!

Does anyone find that being female makes us more prone to getting on with our daughters? It's like Enid says, sometimes boys seem like an unknown quantity. I honestly would not know what to do with a boy. My sister feels the same although she has a boy about 10 years old. She says that when he displays typical boyish characteristics she hates it! She got bullied by our two older brothers quite a bit and so maybe this has something to do with it. I tend to think of boys as more destructive and competitive and none of the boys at playgroup have done anything to contradict this theory. I'm worried that should I ever have a boy I will find it hard to bond with him because of my pre-conceptions.

Has anyone felt like this yet gone on to have wonderful relationships with their boys? Or not as the case may be!

EmmaM, are you sure that's your ds and not mine you're talking about?

Rhubarb, there may be some truth in what you propose, although I come at it from the other side, sort of. When I was a child I desperately desperately wanted to be a boy, hated being a girl, and for most of my life I've been involved in male-dominated hobbies etc. I was delighted when my first child was a boy, sort of felt that I knew what to do with one of these. When dd was born one of my first thoughts was 'What on earth do we do with a girl?'. 2.5 years down the line I'm still not sure, although I think she's adorable. I do wonder what on earth sort of female role model she's going to get from me. I also dread her going through a Barbie phase (or something similar), because I always despised such things when I was young. Hopefully I'll learn as I go along!

Rhubarb I think it just depends basically on who we are and the experiences/upbringing we've had. The only sibling I have is a brother who is one year older than me, I love him to death and we were very close growing up. His friends were my friends much of the time and I must say I adored some of his mates (from a friendship point of view). I also looked up to my father when I was growing up, so generally I have a positive view of males... I get on well with men and can chat with them quite easily, I suppose due to my relationship with my brother. I must admit when I had a baby I wanted a girl and got a boy instead, but he has turned out to be very cute, happy and affectionate. I know that boys can have some wonderful qualities, dependent on their personalities and how they are raised. I think girls can also be nice but there are other complications as far as girls go... my best friend has two daughters (10 and 6) and she's had a lot of trouble with both of them. So who knows... the luck of the draw I guess.

I was talking about this with dh last night, and was surprised to find that, while I consider ds to be the more openly affectionate of my two children, dh is firmly of the opinion that dd is far more cuddly and affectionate than her brother has ever been. So maybe the children are responding differently to their male and female parent.

Mollipops

I'm the oldest in a boy only family and if my 2 younger brothers had followed my example my mother would have loved it.

Unfortunately it didn't happen.

One thing I have noticed, especially amongst my relative, is that people with children all of a single sex seem to find things easier in some ways as they don't tend to have widely different hobbies when younger.

Saying that though I really do hope that when dw has her second that it is a girl because I have seen what my brothers were like and what my nephews are like and I'd rather not have that sort of agro. My neices on the other hand are very nice and I just hope I can bring my dd up in the same way that they were.

I have a boy of 17 months. I have read this thread from start to finish and it had not really crossed my mind that he is a handfull and it got me thinking that ACTUALLY he is! It is non stop from 7am until his nap at 12.30 sharp! and then again from 2.30 until 6.45 (thanks Gina). I do get a shower but it is the moment the milk is in his hands and the yoghurt, (toast when I supervise). He is a like a Dervish and if I am honest and I look at other mothers of girls at the various groups we attend they all look much calmer than me - more reasonable. I feel that although he is my little 'mate' I have to watch him like a hawk and race around after him. At music lessons he wants to stand in the middle and dance with the recorder in his mouth and supervise the handing over of instruments, whilst the others will listen and sit quietly or alternatively he will go behind the piano and find rubbish to give to me. At Tumbletots most of the children will go around and use the apparatus in the right order and with their parent, mine wants to go only on the things he likes, and if he gets a chance wants to play with the audio player or go into the kitchen in the hall and play in there - he is a mini wrecking crew. I thought it odd that everyone knows his name including other parents and yet I only know the name of another little terror - boy, and a delightful little girl!. Having said all of this he is charming and funny and we laugh a lot together - yes really! and he has a smile on his face all of the day!.

What a really interesting thread. As a Mum of a 4 yr. old dd and 2yr. old ds I often question my judgement of things e.g. Am I reacting in such a way because of the gender difference and yes, rightly or wrongly, I do treat them differently. I have to admit to having a much shorter fuse with dd who is extemely dramatic and generally much more demanding, whereas ds is physically more of a handful but much easier to please even though he is prone to much more angry outbursts than dd at that age.
Consequently, I often feel really mean and sometimes think I'm harder on dd because of my own insecurities - I don't want her to be vulnerable, pushed around etc. Is this normal? Please tell me that some of you also do this!
I don't know if it's the "mother-daughter thing" but also I feel everything much more intensely with dd. She's not very assertive and would never hit another child ( apart from her brother that is!)and sometimes when she's in the company of other children I want her to be more pushy, whereas with ds I know I am much more relaxed.

Gillan, can't comment on the boy / girl thing as I only have dd aged 41/2, but I can really identify with what you are saying. Are you sure you don't my dd, the bit about "sometimes when she's in the company of other children I want her to be more pushy" is so true. I also think that I feel every hurt she does and more and definately don't want to be as sensitive as I am. Talking to friends who have girls, they all say the same, that you want to protect them, stop them falling into the traps you do and expect them to stand their ground all at the same time.

Charliesmummy - my DS is EXACTLY like your's (also another Charlie!) - he is 14 mths - in fact I have stopped going to Tumbletots as he had to 'lord it' over everything & would not be like all the other little ones! He is also on the go ALL DAY - apart from a short lunch time nap - but very good at night (I am a GF fan too!!) - -sometimes I envy mums of little girls, but then, he is very adventurous, independent (can be left with anyone - he wouldn't care!!) but I find it very exhausting and my bedtime is not much later than his!