Not coping with my 3 year old

[CantDoThisMummyBusinessAnymore]

Title says it all really. I'm feeling a real failure as a mum at the moment.

My DS is nearly 3 and can be a real joy to be with. But I feel like 90% of the time we are at loggerheads with each other and it keeps descending to me shouting at him.

I have a great Health Visitor (don't all faint! ) and she's been around and we've discussed techniques for dealing with him, time out, 3 strikes and he's out approach which works to a certain extent but he does things that are dangerous to himself and his siblings and I can't help but lose my temper with him.

I've made changes to his diet and there has been a slight improvement but he is still very manic all of the time. He rushes into everything at full speed and it is like watching a small whirlwind crash through the house.

There are certain situations that he can't cope with relating to changes, especially family members being in situations out of their own homes. He will freak completely if they aren't "where they belong" if that makes sense.

I am just so worn out with the whole thing and my previous sleep through the night 1 year old has taken to waking every night so I'm getting about 3 hours sleep each night and I don't know how much longer I can carry on doing this.

I'm scaring myself when I lose my temper so goodness knows what I'm doing to the kids

I don't get physical with him but I feel such a failure when I lose it like this.

Thanks for reading

Any advice would be welcome

i think we have all faced this at some time if not when they are little then when they get to teenagers .

you are not a failure

how are you today??????

I have felt exactually like you describe. My 3 year old is lovely, but is very hard work at times & I have lost it to the point of frightening myself, on many occasions.
Taking him shopping last Saturday was a total nightmare experience!
You are not a failure of a mum. We all get stressed at times!

you ok????

Hi, thanks for your replies I think I just needed to get off my chest how crappy I've been feeling

Today has been a huge improvement [hurrah!]

Its finally stopped raining so we've been out for a long walk. Called in to our local library and stocked up on lots of lovely new books. While we were walking I got to see the side of him that I love so much. We talked about the cars, mototrbikes, lorries, trees, sticks and dogs. He said hello to every person we met and told them we were going to the library. He behaved unbelieveably well while we were in there and I felt really proud of him.

And baby slept though, what a difference 7 hours unbroken sleep can make!

Boys are also very physical beings and so love running about, if you can take him for long walks and keep him interested in stuff along the way all the better.

Are there any activity places near to you that you could take him to as a treat and let him run riot there? Toddler groups?

Sleep deprivation is a trigger too, I know as I have a 3.6yr old and a 7 month old teething boy. It is a killer at the moment. Shouted at my eldest today, felt like cr*p afterwards as I am SAHM and manage to keep a lid on my temper quite well usually

glad to hear you ok and that you had a good day ueah it is good when you get some sleep

Thank you again for your replies, they're really helping me get a bit of perspective on the situation.

Our Baby and Toddler group starts again tomorrow after closing for the Christmas period so it'll be good to escape from the house a couple of times a week.

I'm fairly new to being a SAHM and I used to think it was hard trying to work and be a mum but nothing has prepared me for how hard being with them 24 hours a day actually is. I think I felt more guilt when I was working but I'm just starting to realise how much a break from the whole domestic situation was keeping me sane!

DS has come as a real surprise as my oldest child was so much calmer at this age( or is this just me rose tinted view? )

And the baby is so placid and smiley, will happily sit and do shape sorters and walk back and forth transferring plastic food from one basket to another and then DS is this frenzy of permanent full throttle activity.

I can imagine how difficult a trip to Canada must've been waswondering. You have my admiration for even contemplating it!

Hotpot, I think today has been so much better because I've had some sleep . Fingers crossed it happens again here tonight and I hope you have a better one too

how was your day today did you do mums & babies?. it IS hard doing 24 mum aday but you DO need time out. speak soon x

Hitchcock,agree,read 'at loggerheads ' and immediately thought Teenagers!

hi

I so know what you are going through! had a similar experience with my ds who is now 5. At the age of your ds I was pregnant with dd and boy did he get both barrels at times!

It is hard to have a really energetic boy at times-but so rewarding at others as they so relish the freedom of being outdoors which makes everyone feel great.

I too lose my rag with my ds to the extent sometimes that I am ashamed of myself. In fact I did it tonight and so reading your post on here made me feel that I am not alone!

also donot underestimate the affect of sleep deprivation. It is a killer! and really affects the way you deal with things

xxxx

Hi all and thank you again.

Just a quick update.

My mum kindly had DS overnight and due to stormy weather kept him until 3 o'clock when DP could go and collect him.

So I had an evening off from the mayhem and got to spend some time with the other DC without the whirlwind making his presence known!

Mum said he was an angel the entire time she had him. I know a lot of his behaviour stems from wanting attenetion and he had a whole evening and day of nanny's so he was happy.

I chickened out of going to Toddlers, couldn't face the soaking. But had a lovely time with eldest before school and got a day on my own with just the baby.

Baby has slept through 2 nights in a row now so I'm starting to feel human again and able to just let things go rather than everything feeling like a huge problem.

My mum has said she'll do this once a week from now on which I know will do both DS and I some good.

And it was lovely having him back He was still bounding around the place but actually playing with the others instead of trying to stop them doing what they want and generally wrecking the place.

Thank you all again for your support. It's great to hear other mums say 'I've got one who does that' and admit to shouting occasionally too.

So much for a quick update!

really pleased for you just like others have said you are not alone felt many many times that i cant do this mummy thing, but you will get there....... anyway rather have a stroppy toddler than i stroppy teenager any day...... as some of my friends are now having oh iam so gleefull... they had DARLING babies and toddlers......paying for it now thou....hee hee xxxxx speak soon

LOL about teenageers Hitchcock

My youngest will be hitting the terrible two's at the same time as eldest hits his teens! Didn't plan that out very well did I?

Each day just seems to be getting better since I've stopped shouting.

Been out puddle jumping this morning and we've been dressing up this afternoon. He makes a lovely fairy!

Take care x

Will give you a wink if I see you on another thread so you know who I really am

you take care xxxx

never forget mummy that you can do this ..... and YOU are not alone.... you can always talk to one of us... take care my love i hope that we chat again

Aah hitchcock, have had a little drink and you've brought a tear to my eye [soppy emoticon]

Have a nice warm MN glow about me now

And outed myself

Knew I shouldn't do drunken MN......

I've wanted to post similar messages on occasions - I'm convinced Ive got the little girl with a curl at times, she always plays me up but is an angel at Nursery! I think it's pretty normal. Hope you're feeling better, we o beat ourselves up don't we

Too true ninja about beating ourselves up. When I was working I felt guilty and thought that I should be at home. And now I'm at home fulltime I feel bad because I don't think i've been doing a very good job of it.

But I'm getting better at it!

I'm going trough the same phase with my 3y always trying to make her little sister cry, if asked if she want to be sent in the naughty corner she says yes and just goes so that doesn't work anymore, sometimes I wonder what have I done to her to make such a brat! She is an angel for daddy do! Hope is just a phase...
Feels good to know I'm not alone!

So not alone plasmon! DS2 puts himself in the naughty corner as well

Have stopped asking him "Do you want to go in the naughty corner?" because I know he's going to say yes. I just say If you do that again you are going in the naughty corner. And it seems to be working. This week at least. Until he figures how to get around that one too

This is the bit nobody warns you about! I can't remember DS1 being like it but it was a while ago now.

Try counting. It works a treat with otherwise 100mph DS(3).

So it goes 'Im going to count to 5 and if when I have finished you do not I will

YOu must carry out threat.

Before I did this the threat on it own did not work. I was amazed the difference it made.

Outdoor activity deffinately helps too. It just crap though this time of year.

Yes, being able to ge tout over the last few days has helped as well, he's not been climbing the walls as much

Counting is definately helping too and also giving me the chance to calm down. And he loves waiting til the last possible moment to co operate and shouting "THREE!" as he jumps up to do it. TEamed with his grin and his dimples its turned horrible situations into me appreciating him developing his sense of humour and us both laughing about it instead.