Marina, Rat, Ditto working. Ditto weekends. Ditto no 'me-time'. Ditto less-than-idyllic child-time. Ditto hisband with his own agenda. Rat, I have a similar age gap to cope with - a 20 month toddler and a nearly 7-year-old.
I can't tell you the number of times I've lost it. And I'm known for being laid back by nature. Going on his previous girlfriends, my husband is amazed how little my menstrual cycle affects me.
Yet there I'll be, knowing it's not going to work, already feeling bad about it, with my face two inches away from my son, screaming at him to put his trousers on. Flying round the house, looking and sounding like a banshee, getting us ready to go out. Late as usual.
My husband, much louder than me and far more highly strung, is getting concerned about the effect of my outbusts on our sons. Not to mention what the neighbours will think.
Avoidance techniques are as follows:
Each week at work I try and picture the sort of weekend I want, my mind. eg Saturday local mooching about, Sunday sociable, outing in the afternoon. Then make the plans,the phone calls as necessary. So I'm not phoning the swimming pool about opening times on Saturday morning while my toddler is trying to bite through the telephone flex.
For me, going out with my sons is a real stress buster, whether it involves a 10-minute or 2-hour journey. Stops me feelng claustrophobic and helpless as I see the house disintegrating under the litter onslaught of two children. Can't do the housework because the children need atttention? then run away from it. It can't get any worse in your absence, that's my feeling.
Again this is me: before children I loved to go out and explore. And I hated being part of a couple or group all weekend. I needed space alone. I rember being horrified to hear a friend with one child wistfully say how she hadn't been to Covent Garden for years - how could she go with a child on tow? To get some 'me-time'ánd sense of control over my weekend, I take my children to places that I want to go to, and would still go to if I was childless.For instance, if I really want to get a cheap fix of clothing at H and M in Oxford Circus, I still take them there and then go to Hamleys with them afterwards. These outings are usually not stress free, but I'd rather be a nervous wreck whose done something for themselves than a nervous wreck who hasn't. And being in public puts a natural brake on my most extreme shouting behaviour. I'd be locked up for a start!
Organising babysitting for an evening really breaks up my weekend, when we can afford it. It is an oasis to look forward to. The anticipation alone is worth the money.
Also, I've found that for me, too many social engagements with parents and children is bad news. I feel socially bombarded, with my attention split too many ways. I try for at least one lazy stay-at-home morning to chill out alone with my children.
And lastly, I never rely on my husband to come out with me. Much as I love him, we rarely like to do the same things during the day over the weekend (and never have) and forcing him to do something with me and the children would raise my stress level no end!
I can echo an earlier message posted by Binza.I don't want my children to think of me as that woman who just shouted at us all the time. But I'm finding it hard work to ensure that this doesn't happen.