How on earth can we aid development of common sense in 'bright' child?

[BloodyEnderDragons]

We are frustrated!

Our daughter is only in year 2 so maybe it's too early to be so frustrated?

She's very bright, our girl. Reads to year 5 level at least (she's allowed to borrow books from their class shelves), is an excellent story-teller and writer, a top speller, picks up maths quickly and easily. She can tell me about how our bodies work in some good detail thanks to her eagerness to read through body books.

Common sense though? Argh it's awful! Is this a normal 7 year old thing? I'd hoped it would show by now.

I'll try to think of some examples.

Putting a cup of water down by her elbow during a meal, instead of further back.

I ask her to get pjs on. She looks on her bed, can't see any so doesn't get them on. She won't think to get some from her pyjama drawer, the position of which hasn't been altered in over 4 years.

She will STILL tear around the kitchen when the oven is on despite my years of explaining dangers with examples.

I asked her to grab a cloth to help me clean with a few days ago. She couldn't see any but instead of asking, she proceeded to use a t.shirt that she loves.

She's approaching 8 and I'm still waiting for it to kick in! Is that just all normal and should I just be patient?

I'm not sure you are misunderstood. You asked a question and the response was don't panic, it's normal for this age, they'll develop more common sense as they get older.
You are determined there is an issue to fix so aren't hearing the responses I don't think

I think it is because you're expecting her to have more sense than she should at that age?

If that's not what you mean then what do you mean?

It's not, it's just an example as I was wracking my brain thinking of some!

To me, it's common sense not to run into an oven when it's running. But there you go. It's usually the hob that's on and one oven but I do use the back hob rings when I can.

It was just an example, I was trying to help people see what I meant.

It's normal and don't panic is good!

That's all taken on board and I'll continue to grab her hand before my toddlers hand when we're in car parks and by roads because I trust my toddler to stop more.

I'm not at all panicking, that would just be silly. She's gorgeous, funny and smart and part of me would hate to see her change at all.

If a child knocks a glass of water over, wipes up a spill with her pyjamas or even - God forbid bumps into a switched-on oven and is startled by the fact that it's warm, is it a big deal?

Everybody just needs to survive.

Incidentally the one thing that my parents valued about me was that I was 'bright'. They also wanted me to be perfectly behaved.

Our relationship deteriorated markedly when I got to be about 11, and realised I didn't actually have to be who they wanted me to be.

Marianne may I suggest you read all of my replies?

For fucks sake I am truly fucked off with the replies now (some of them, thank you to those who didn't assume I'm a harsh, strict, misunderstanding, over-the-top parent) - does no-one actually bother to read and take things on board?

No-one is told off for spilling a drink! Where did you even get that from?

Too many assumptions. My children are hardly told off at all! We try to talk about things and encourage new ways rather than chastise for 'mistakes'. A drink spill is NO BLOODY BIG DEAL! As mentioned already, I'd say 'never mind these things happen' and clean it up. That wasn't even the point of the post.

They were EXAMPLES. Not things that bother me on a big scale. Examples because I thought, stupidly, that it would help the understanding of the meaning of my question.

My DS of 11 is very bright academically, but clumsy and lacking in common sense sometimes.

Still not road safe (gets distracted by doing sums in his head etc.) still knocks drinks over all the time, quite clumsy, can never find things.

When I took his brother to be assessed for dyslexia, the psych ed made an off the cuff remark, having spent a few minutes with both DC saying: " we'll test him now, but just from observing him it is clear he is dyspraxic." To which I replied:"ehm, that's the wrong child! I am here for the other one " [grin

No advice other than that I try to ve patient and try to let him make mistakes/drop things in the hope he learns. I try to back off and say "no big deal" if something is spilled.

He can now pour himself a glass of juice, but that has taken years.

I wonder if I need to have him assessed for dyspraxia and if having a "label" would help him.

I advocate patience and stepping back a bit. 7 is very young.

My DS is 8. Went swimming with the school. Teacher holds up a pair of swimming shorts as they don't have an owner.
He comes home I open the bag and ask where are your shorts.
Mrs W did hold some up that looked like mine but o thought mine were in my bag!

Haha sometimes I'd say that's a totally normal 8 year old thing.

She does sound very similar to my dd1. I think natural consequences (starting with the small stuff) is the way to go.

Spill, and she has to mop it up (with demo, then handed cloth, then expected to do it).

Bump into someone at the supermarket and she's expected to apologise (or accompanying adult does and she stands next to you, if she's too shy to speak to strangers at first).

Can't find pyjamas, that's fine, find something else to wear for bed.

I have done / do all these things!

Well don't get fucked off. Your dd sounds totally normal, her cleverness has nothing to do with what( from the examples you have given) sounds like totally normal behaviour for a 7 year old and you need to relax a bit.

And fwiw, my dd2 has not much common sense even now at 12 and isn't even particularly super bright. She's very creative though. People and children are different.

I don't like kids running in the kitchen when I am carrying pans of boiling water but I wouldnt think twice about the oven being on?

Even with adults you can notice that the very bright ones are a bit ditsy about regular stuff. So she may always be a bit like that. My dd is very bright academically but she can't pack a case to save her life. She is finished university! Its like the process is beyond her. There is stuff everywhere but she can't seem to get it into a manageable pile so just stuffs it in. I'm the Queen of packing but couldn't teach her. That is an example of lots of things in her life.
Your dd is young so hopefully will improve but brightness doesn't always equate with life skills l have discovered.

Sorry Paris I refer to the oven being on as all aspects, hob included. I wasn't clear.

It's not a big deal though it's more that it's an example because I was wracking my brain thinking of actual examples to help with my question.

I can relate to what you are saying op. Similar situation here.

Chilling out is all very well but I don't want my DD tripping someone up when we're out and about who then has to deal with an ankle sprain or twisted back. Not do I want her to get burnt by running into me when I'm cooking.

While there are always some people who will be better than others at household and other practical tasks (fine), the ability to co-exist safely and thoughtfully in public spaces is something I really want to get right. Plenty adults stand blocking doorways or aisles, hands on hips, totally lacking in awareness. At best it's annoying and inconveniences people. It also makes them look daft.

I have just started reading How To Talk so Children will Listen op - will report back if any help!

Eiffels, thank you.

I'd get her on the list for Brownies if it's good in your area or better still the Woodcraft Folk. Completely normal but no harm in looking for ways for her to do more practical things, and also to watch slightly older children perhaps operating in a different way.

Agree with annandale - Rainbows then Brownies have definitely helped teach some intuitive awareness though as above still an ongoing project. Also swimming where the practical and safety aspect is important.

Oh yes, I was very bright as a child. Still managed to get trapped inside a cockatiel cage (don't ask, I still cringe when thinking about it).

Or, wait... Perhaps I was not that bright after all. Do lack of common sense is the privilege of the bright? Or that of children?

There are some kids which we termed as "late bloomers". These kids tend to act immaturely than their age. Constant communication and reminders are keys so that your daughter will do things as instructed.

Oh my god memysonandi - that's incredible. I won't ask, but blimey that's a trick and a half!

"Putting a cup of water down by her elbow during a meal, instead of further back"

Are you serious? She's seven.