8yo DD seems to view life as 'glass half empty'

[starjumper]

Anyone else? Any tips?

I am massively struggling to like her at the moment. So bloody wearing.

No big upheavals - she has a good life with nice things but fuck me the moaning. I am currently talking to her as if I'm being filmed by Tanya Byron so I don't say something I'll regret.

She's greedy, impatient and rude.

She's also incredibly funny and clever. I love the bones of her when she's in bed she's polite to to other people, lovely little friends and good school reports. But at home she's like Kevin the Teenager.

Her 6yo brother is more affable and helpful - seems to be like a NT 6yo so I don't think we've got it totally wrong.

We spend time with them separately, are completely fair wrt treats, expectations etc.

If I spoke to my parents the way she speaks to me well; I wouldn't. I just would dream of it.

She huffs and puffs about everything. Today was a trip into town. She moaned and whined about having to walk from free parking on street as opposed to paid car park. It was about 200m. She bought her match attax cards, got new school shoes then moaned and whined about me needing to drop clothes in the red X bin and get boots reheeled. Got them some lunch (from greggs) as we were leaning town then whined as I wouldn't let her eat in the car home was 5 mins away. Complained about having half a shortbread (same as everyone else) as she had gymnastics and we wanted her to leave half for later.

Went to gymnastics, she whined about events etc completely out of my control. Got back in the car. I wanted to collect my boots from town, she whined and moaned. I couldn't be arsed by this point. I cried (with sunglasses on so she didn't know) on the way back. I felt like such a shit parent. Raising a right madam.

Went home. Dh and ds going out for a bike ride. I asked if they could collect my boots. Then he starts whining too. I was really cross and told them how selfish they were. Anyway, dh whisks them off so I get in the bath. They come back then dd wants my bath as she's cold

So no lessons learn today eh?

Thanks for reading if you've got this far.

Argh!

Did you get out of the bath?

She flopped on the floor dramatically saying how Cold she was.

I was a bit open mouthed for a minute then said I'd be out in 5 mins once hair was washed etc. She seemed to accept this. She had asked on immediate return from the bike ride and I said no, it was my time.

Anyway, when she asked again, I finished up, got out but then she was busy and DS wanted to get in. After he finished she did get in.

I don't seem to be able to find a happy medium tbh. Too strict? Too soft?

Last week she asked what was for dinner. I said gammon. She said ew gross. I said fine the you'll go without. She couldn't believe it but I stuck To my guns. She then said she'd mis heard. Then when served she said she hadn't realised it was with cous cous. Then she cried about the dog being pts (in August). She asked really politely for some. I said no. She had bread and butter.

Later on there was loads left and she did have some with dh before bedtime. Very contrite.

Is she like this at school too, or does she save that behaviour for home?

I have no words of wisdom but my DS is the same. He will be 7 in August. He huffs and puffs and whines and moans. Life is a struggle. he's always hard done by. Glass very much half empty. He has better days, but the moany ones really frustrate the hell out of me. I feel very lucky and very grateful for what we have and it really saddens me that he is always feeling disappointed and hard done by.

My Dd(8) is the same

She has packed her bags to leave home today as I was too strict.

She listens to nothing except the not-always pleasant internal dialogue in her head.

I'm told all 8yr old children are like this. Hormone surge?

It's tough, but tomorrow your lovely dd may well reappear.

I am dreading teenage years!

No advice but my DD is the same.

I worry she will go through life being miserable, always thinking that the grass is greener.

Wish I had an answer. I have a 9 year old boy the same. I have commented to dh how he's going to grow up and look back thinking he had a miserable childhood because he is currently so hard done by.
He is getting a little better with age he does sometimes reflect and realise he's been ridiculous but it's slow progress and exhausting at times. He too is incredibly funny and good company at times. He's good conversation and loves asking questions that he really wants to learn something from but everything like you describe above is like he's doing you a massive favour just being there.

Oh thank you all.

At school she's fine. She's great. Always good feedback, and she's involved socially too.

She's quick to be affronted though. She got told off for talking. I backed the teacher up and she felt very hard done by. Like she'd been framed? She hadn't.

I'm so relieved to read others stories. If that makes sense.

I'm not pleased everyone else is struggling.

But yes to a miserable childhood. Wtf?

She has chores and rewards. She shouldn't be 'spoilt' and yet because we're 2016 middle class uk she has nice things.

I know tablets etc didn't exist 30 years ago though so who knows if we'd have had them as gifts back then? I bet we would.

She has chores and rewards Does she have consequences too?

Yep. Trying to make them proportionate to the 'crime'.

Warnings too - especially for getting ready, tv off etc. No Suprises.

Mine was difficult around 8ish. Got so much better as she's closer to 9. Hope that gives some hope?

Yes it does. Thank you.

How did you get through it? Tactics?

You're far too soft if you actually got out of the bath for her!

I didn't really. I finished up anyway. She was just being impatient.

I wouldn't have minded except for the histrionics about being freezing and so coooold

So once she gets what she wants-cards, shoes, lifts, a bath, she moans? I think you need to be stricter. The teenage years can be truly miserable for everyone, she needs to be treated as an 8 year old girl, not a young woman. Moaning in the car, turn around, no shopping, no gymnastics. When the menu doesn't suit her, toast for dinner. Cold, put on a jumper, dressing gown or something. Mum is relaxing in the bath, do not disturb.

She moans before she's even done anything. She pre-empts her emotions.

I have turned the car round. I have given her bread and butter for tea.
I have removed screen time.

It just makes for such a joyless existence. I'm looking for her to fail me

Do you have quality time together, without having to do things and be places?

DS can be like this. Was v fed up with it the other day and googled poverty, and looked with DS at the lives of some very poor children in developing countries, to get home to him how bloody lucky he is. I can't be doing with it.

I used to alternate telling DS not to be a misery with singing loudly in public 'Put on a happy face'. He did grow out of being glass half empty but it was a long haul. Sounds like you are doing ALL the right things.
Btw take baths with door locked and "headphones on" so you can't be disturbed!

Yes to quality time together - same for DS too.

Yy to discussing Syrian refugees to understand their own lifestyle.

Tbh I'm not a bath person. I just needed to soak off my knee strap thing. It wasn't exactly a treat anyway.

We're off out for breakfast. DS has just come in and said he can't find the bread to make his sister a sandwich!

Asked him to wait so she doesn't overeat now he's being a bit stroppy. He asked her btw. He likes doing it. I said we could skip breakfast out but no he still wants to go. Just feels 20 mins is too long to wait

It comes down to nature vs nurture. Before I had kids I was firmly in the nurture camp!

Then I met my DD1...I'm strict with her, spend quality time with her, make sure she is aware of issues such as global poverty/kids in the care system. I follow through with every threat and never change my mind once I've said no.

She is still a hard to please misery! Looking back, she has been difficult since birth.

Her teachers think she is a superstar!

By comparison, her sister is super laid back and easy going. It's definitely in some people's nature to be difficult.

You're doing your best OP. I'm sure some days she is a dream!

Star, I have no tactics to advise. Couldn't battle her so tried with lots of love, patience and attention. Once she knew am on her side, she started coming around. It was probably a phase we needed to ride out calmly.

Well we had a much better day today.

When I woke up I asked for a cuddle and discussed expectations for the day. Timings and behaviour iykwim.

She was more helpful and generally kinder. - wrapped her cousin's gift when asked, waited to eat/get on the trampoline instead of huffing and puffing.

I faked enthused about her gymnastics routine when she asked me to watch.

I think I am still on my best behaviour but it made the day better.

Glad you had a better day yesterday!

My cousin was a horror when he was little: red faced angry tantrums, complained a lot and was generally miserable. As a teen he is lovely. In my darkest moments I hold on to that thought!