Surreal moments after just having a baby

[TheOddity]

It can't just be me who had this please say it isn't as I already think I'm a bit nuts.

The next evening after I gave birth, I distinctly remember going to Asda to buy some medication for all my sore parts. I insisted on driving there alone while DH stayed with baby as I basically wanted to escape the baby hell hole for half an hour.

The whole Asda experience was as close as I've ever been to a 'trip'. I remember thinking how no one realised I'd given birth less than 24 hours before. Everyone was still just living their lives, being normal, coping. I felt so weird, I can't describe, it was like a psychedelic dream.

Did anyone else have this surreal feeling? Strange stuff you did immediately post birth?

Most of DD's birth is a surreal blur tbh despite having no drugs at all, she was a back to back birth which was relatively quick (3 hours from arrival at hospital to delivery) but think I was in shock for most of it as it was so painful and unlike what I'd expected, no break in the pain at all just one huge, 3 hour long contraction. By the time she was born I couldn't have told you my own name I was so out of it, I refused to let them put her on my chest because I was sure she wasn't mine as I hadn't felt her come out god knows how as it was a forceps delivery but felt nothing at all down below and I didn't want someone else's blood on me, still feel guilty about that. They took me to get stitched up then and remember crying because the anaesthetist who did my spinal was so kind and lovely and all the delivery team had been vile to me. When they'd brought me back to my room two doctors appeared at the end of my bed and informed me I would likely be fecally incontinent because of how traumatic the birth had been then left with no further discussion. Would have assumed I'd dreamt that bit except DH was there and confirms it did actually happen. Had horrendous constipation post birth and was petrified they were right but all was well, no idea why they felt the need to tell me that!

Oh God the non-stop fake baby crying. I remarked on it to MIL (that DD cried so much that even when she was asleep and not crying, it was almost like ringing in my ears) and somehow this was interpreted to mean that I couldn't recognise my own baby's cry. Luckily her sister was there with us and put her straight on what I'd actually said, but it just added an extra dimension of WTF to the whole experience.

RoseWithoutAThorn - the gnu - I believe you. I mean, I believe in the gnu!

made me laugh a lot, but I still believe.

Oh and I had pethidine and G and A (which I loved) during the birth, and a spinal afterwards for the four hours of stitches.

This thread is classics material I love it!

I heard the phantom crying, definitely. For years actually but it was loudest in that newborn period.

I remember having a shower afterwards (sorry, this is TMI) and just feeling like....the water.... is so loud and..... heavy (all slow, like that) so I crouched down because I didn't know what to do and seeing a river of blood and watery poo running away (not really sure what that was about, now, I'd had some kind of suppository, maybe I imagined it) and then my vision started to black out, so I tried to shout but nobody could hear me over this deafening water, managed to reach up and pull the emergency cord but it was a bit scary. Then can't remember anything from then to the point that I got onto the ward. Realised then that my throat was numb like I'd been at a rock concert, ears were ringing and I had little nail marks in my palms, some which had broken the skin.

Went to sleep (for hours!) and woke up feeling all panicky like I had forgotten to look after this baby that they had let me have and wasn't I supposed to feed him or something?

Also, when newborn, DS made a little chirruping noise exactly like a guinea pig, and didn't cry at all. All of us in the room commented on how unusual and lovely it was. But in the photos, he is screaming

My sister heard him make the chirruping noise on another occasion, though, and she remembers it, so I have no idea what happened there.

Um yes immediately opened a packet of jaffa cakes and demolished them whilst offering some to the poor traumatised student midwife who was cleaning me up.

I went out to the Co-op a few days after DS was born. I had spent four days in hospital and then been at home. I remember feeling a massive sense of freedom not being chained to the sofa breastfeeding and thinking how vivid all the colours were and how everyone was just carrying on as normal but my whole world had CHANGED!! (Don't you realise people!!)

I then started telling the cashier why I was buying so many paracetamol and "don't worry, I'm not going to take an overdose-I've just had a baby"-still cringe at that

"including the severe form of PND where you hallucinate etc."
I had this, but it didn't start until she was several weeks old. (I have MH issues and have had non-baby-related psychotic episodes as well. It sucks.)

I had the - apparently - usual sleep-deprivation surrealism as well, not helped by the fact that my milk came in at 5 days and I immediately got mastitis on both sides (she was a breast refuser) with the resulting high fever.
The oddest moment was when she was about a week old, I was trying to feed feeding her and I saw her looking at me. It's hard to explain, but it was almost as if I was somehow aware of what she could see rather than what I could see. (I looked like somebodies mother, a most startling revelation.)

I woke up in the middle of the night to find myself frantically rummaging through a shopping bag that had been left next to the bed, looking for my baby. I was convinced I had stored the baby in the bag for the night (clearly I hadn't; she was asleep in the crib next to me ).

Not quite hallucination, but deffo sleep deprivation related weirdness...

When DS2 was just a few weeks old I oddly decides to take them both to the nearest fair sized town - I have no idea why. I ended up in the Morrisons round the corner from two offices of previously worked in. At the till bumped into an ex-colleague who congratulated me on the new baby and said he didn't know if had another. I looked at him like he was insane and started saying 'how can you not remember I was pregnant? I was HUGE. FGS, I was pregnant for 9 months!'. I went on and on at him for forgetting, in a slightly huffy, indignant manner... And it was only when I got I the car I realized I'd worked with him at the job before last, after is had ds1, and had got preggo with DS2 in the new job.

I was shocked at how out of kilter I was. Then made the equally weird decision to call my old boss and explain what had happened, because i was so mortified, and that I wasn't I fact crazy....although in retrospect I clearly was!

When I got home with DD1 we put the car seat down in between our two sofas and put the telly on. It was an advert for 3 mobile with a Shetland pony doing the moonwalk to Fleetwood Mac's 'Everywhere'. It went on for aaaaaages. DH and I looked at each other trying to figure out if we were really seeing it.

It made me feel so funny and wobbly and weird, like the world had totally changed in the 2 days I'd been away giving birth. Then I remember totally panicking about how it was all a terrible mistake and actually I didn't want DD after all. The terrible, relentless responsibility of it all suddenly became apparent and it was terrifying

Ok then, it's fair to say I'm not alone we are all completely bonkers. I have giggled my way through this thread, although it's mostly pretty freaky.

And yes I'd forgotten the utter horror of the post birth shower!

I had an elcs with dd 11 years ago and was given a morphine driver to press when I felt pain. I pressed that fucker every 11 minutes I think it was just in case.

At about 4am I buzzed for the mw to come and take my catheter out because I wanted a cigarette. She told me no and that the ward was locked up and wouldn't be allowed out.

I kicked off so much she relented. Took the catheter out and told me to stay in bed while she brought me some tea and toast as I hadn't eaten since the day before and would be shakey.

I ignored her. Got out of bed, off the ward and outside.

I hadn't smoked since I found out I was pregnant so obviously had no cigarettes. But managed to convince the security guard (this was Liverpools women hospital and there was a security guard) to lend me one. I sat on a bench at about 5am smoking this vile cigarette still smashed on morphine and watched the sun come up and it was the most surreal moment.

Went to get up and my legs had gone. Was completely, fucking stuck. Security guard had been watching me. He came over with a wheelchair said 'alright queen' in the broadest scouse accent, hoiked me into the chair and took me back to the ward. I remember giggling all the way and telling him I would 'get right done' when the midwife knew where I had been. He rang the buzzer to get me in and told the midwife he had another bolter with no legs after a ciggie. Midwife was lovely and brought me tea and toast anyway.

I must admit that as comical as some of these are, reading this thread has confirmed for me that I made the right decision to stick at just one child.

Although my surreal experiences weren't too bad, I did end up with horrific PND which went undiagnosed until DD was nearly 4 months, and I narrowly avoided a stay in a mum & baby psych unit.

It was a large factor in deciding not to have another DC as I didn't want to inflict that kind of situation on my DD in the future if it happened with a sibling.

I was 18 when I had DC1 and I had my mum there when she was born. I was always bit of a prude and I remember being off my head on gas and air and waltzing around completely starkers. I then started talking about cucumbers and then made a vile joke about how if I had used a cucumber instead of DC1's deadbeat 'dad' then I wouldn't be here in the first place . My mum was mortified and we have never mentioned it once in 11 years. It still makes me cringe.

I do remember the midwives being lovely and giving me extra special attention. I also hallucinated and kept passing out. The first bath I had I remember standing up to a gush of blood and leaning over to pull the cord on the way down. I then had a surreal experience of watching myself from above. I don't know how long I was out for but I came round to about 20 people looking over me. My mum had gone home and I begged them not to call her as I didn't want to be a nuisance.

Some of these are hilarious, I screamed and swore my head off with DC3 and was begging the midwife after for forgiveness. I think I grabbed her arm and wouldn't let her go until she said she forgave me.

I had all the drugs, and would have sworn blind that in the pushing part of labour, I'd been moved to another, cavernous, room. Was off my tits on G&A.

I saw a black and white cat mooching around the ward after the second night in hospital.

I had the waking up in the night convinced ds was in the bed a lot and panicking because I couldn't find him. On one occasion I had a rare night off in the spare room whilst dh had ds in our room. Except I woke up at 3am convinced ds was next to me and couldn't breathe as there was something furry on his face. Realised a few moments later that there was a toy monkey on the other pillow and I was trying to rip the poor thing's face off!

My surreal moment came when dd's head was out.
it was at that moment that I really realised I was having a baby, and I changed my mind about the whole thing.
I distinctly remember thinking "what the fuck am I doing? I don't want a baby! I'll just not push anymore and everything will be fine"
I was quite prepared to just live the rest of my life with a head hanging out of me and wearing MC Hammer trousers to hide it

Using your baby to block the door is hilarious. It's exactly the kind of stupid idea I'd have had.

Immediately after birth I was like superwoman. I wanted to get up right away. The second the door closed on the maternity ward after the midwives who'd just wheeled me in left, I was up, in the shower, hair washed and dried, even put some make up on. For about 24 hours I had such an abundance of energy I didn't know what to do with myself.

Then on the next day, I was chatting to do about this and that and said 'would you open the window and let that fly out, please?' 'Errrr, what fly?' I could see it quite clearly, and hear it. A loud, annoying bluebottle. It was quite big and flying round and round, as they do, occasionally hitting a window. I remember wondering what the hell was wrong with him. That was the start of a very weird day which included being convinced the midwives had taken dd to give her a bottle as I couldn't breastfeed. I was upset by this but felt was for the best in the circumstances. It was weeks until I realized that never happened. It made no sense at all because I breastfed absolutely fine. I had a heated argument with the midwives too about it being too hot in the room, which ended in me yelling 'by rights we should all be rolling the babies in snow anyway!'

With dd2 I was fine. With both babies, the world afterwards seemed stupidly colourful.

Actually, with dd2 I wasn't quite fine. During birth, I suddenly realised I had forgotten how to speak German. We live in Germany. The midwives kept talking to me and I told them I couldn't understand them or remember how to speak German and could we just speak English now? So they continued in Emglish and it was all fine and they asked why I had forgotten German and I didn't know, and I just felt happy that I could properly understand what they were asking and instructing me.

Except at no point did they ever speak a word of English. Dh told me afterwards. They just carried on in German and I carried on in German and it was fine, except I kept insisting, in German, that I had forgotten German.

I had ds1 at 26 weeks following a serious car crash, I'd been in Icu for a couple of months and ds was still in nicu but i finally knew we were gonna be ok so decided against my Drs advice who thought it was too soon to make one of my brothers drive me to mothercare as I hadn't bought a single thing for my baby, about half way through shopping I heard ds cry, I was so certain but I couldn't find him, then I came over so weak I remember nothing except my brother carrying me out and driving like a bat out of hell back to the hospital.
So weird. Everything snapped back into focus as soon as we got back.

The day after I came home from hospital I had this compulsion to buy all of the newspapers and stick the headlines into a scrap book. I have no idea what that was all about. I found it several years later and it promptly went into the recycling bin.

This thread is hilarious! Place marking for now but will come back later with my own experiences

I was just talking to my dh about this thread and he reminded me about when I had ds who is 3yo how I was angry that he wouldn't get a front door key cut for our son, one of the midwifes gave him a spare key she had found, I don't remember this but it explains the spare key I won't throw away because it fits nothing.