How can I prepare for second baby?

[TuttiFrutti]

I'm due to have my second baby in February, when ds will be 22 months, and I find the thought of it really scary! Ds is a real mummy's boy anyway and very clingy, so I think I can probably expect some jealousy problems.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can make life easier? Is there anything I can do to prepare ds in advance? He's too young to understand that a new baby is coming, but are there any books I should be reading (to myself or to him) or anything else I can do?

Also, how in practical terms do you mothers of toddlers and newborns handle stuff like bathtime and bedtime?

You could buy him a baby doll to hold, cuddle,tuck up in bed etc. This would encourage a caring approach and the concept of babies.

Also I would suggest getting him used to being with other people (Grandparents, friends etc) with a view to maybe spending time with them when the baby is born to give you a break. Otherwise he may feel pushed out if this only happens after the baby arrives.

Good luck

The doll is a fab idea, then you can hold the doll yourself, pretend to feed, put it in the cot/moses basket, change its nappy.

The bath and bedtime bit all depends on what your ideal would be, what you would be content with and how much help your dh/dp will give.

I have 3.5yr old and 7 month old, bath them together, 7 month old out first (either me or DH takes over from there) he is put to bed then 3.5 yr old has extra 10 mins alone in bath (with the other parent there) and then he goes to bed (he is dream child, milk, story, goes to sleep)

I am SAHM so ds1 totally used to just having me at his beck and call, was huge shock for him despite me being able to prepare him (ds2 was poorly baby so did kangaroo parent him for while) ds1 had to learn to wait his turn, but I also showed that if I was making lunch for ds1 and ds2 started crying then he would have to wait as ds1 had to be fed!!!

I'm interested in this too as my 2nd is due March - only I will be doing bathtime solo - any tips?

things that helped us:

put away any baby toys/equpiment that you want to use again - gives time for dc1 to forget its theirs

I had to have seperate changing mats and somehow had to change two nappies at once!

first cuddle after dh was with dc1 - nanny had to wait.

made all visitors post-birth get dc1 to introduce them to the new baby.

bathtime - in early days i bathed baby with dc1 help and put down to sleep or under gym whilst dealt with dc1

bedtime - started as above but dc1 went into bed and bought baby downstairs for bottle and cuddle then to bed

when dc1 first met baby made sure baby was in cot and dc1 got cuddle first before introducing baby

on the whole think it took 3 weeks to settle into a routine that it was now 4 not 3 people in the family.

theblonde - i did my bathtime solo - it just took a little bit longer.

Ds was 26mths when DD was born
We read there is a house inside my mummy every day in the last 2/3wks.

Whenever I could I would show him little babies to show how we would have one soon.

Explained little babies cry and sleep a lot so wouldnt be able to play with his toys etc.

Was not holding baby when he came to see me in hospital

baby bought him a gift and he brought her a teddy.

Didnt over do the attention as found it made him behave worse as he was unsure why we were suddenly fawning over him.

Bath time etc used to put ds in bath and dd in sink wash her, dry her dress her put into bouncy chair then finish sorting ds. Bedtime ds went at same time as dd but he would play in his room for 20mins while I sorted DD.

Now a question in return how do I prepare 12mth old DD for arrival of DB in 3 wks..pmsl

My DD was 18mths when i had DD2. i explained about the baby in mummys tummy and let her rub cream on my bump and said the baby liked it. I got her a book that was about the arrival of a new baby and read it to her all the time and as we were reading it told her all the things that we would be doing together with the new baby (bath time etc). It was fine from the moment i bought DD2 home and she still looks out for her now when she cries cuddles her and feeds her dinner and stuff if she is struggling. (DD1 is 3 and DD2 20mths). I tjink it helped that DD2 gave her a toy she had wanted for ages as a present.
I got them in the same routine as early as i could but now DD1 goes to bed 1/2 an hour later so she has s bit of alone time and as DD2 has alone time when DD1 is at preschool

DS was just 2 when DD was born.

We read a LOT of new baby books, talked about what babies did (ie cry, sleep, DON'T play much) - also made a big effort to go & see other babies - and esp watch bfs as I'd been warned this was a common troublespot (DS was never interested - either in other people, or me bfing ... although he did use to bf his koalas a lot... )

Baby bought him a present, which she gave him in hospital (he was much more interested in it than her and I was lucky in that when he came to see us in hospital I was already in the corridor, so met him alone/we went to see dd together.

We also spent a LOT of time finding ways he could help us do things with her - eg he LOVED the fact that she did yellow poo and always wanted to help change nappies, and loved pouring water on her tummy in the bath. If you can stand it, encouraging close contact seems to help.

Best tip I was given was to get a box of LITTLE tiny (ideally wrapped up) toys for the toddler - you can produce one magically whenever you feel they need lifting - whether that's to give you feeding/changing time or to give them a break, I hardly needed to use them, but on occasions they were godsends!

I'd agree that he settled to her totally in 3 weeks, but was pretty good generally - its worth knowing that actually, they aren't always a nightmare!!

They are now nearly three and 9 months and ADORE each other - it's magical!

DH is ALWAYS home for bathtime (has missed maybe 5 bathtimes in nearly 3 years !!) so can't help there....

This was the same age gap I had with my two, DS1 is 2.3 and DS2 is now 19 weeks.

I think the age gap is good in terms of the lack of jealousy, DS1 was too young to really be that bothered, and because they still get loads of attention (you may be holding the baby, but you can still talk to, play with, laugh at the first one). And let's face it if they need you for something the baby just gets put down. DS1 I'm sure cannot remember a time that DS2 was not here.

If I am feeding DS2, DS1 is now quite used to sitting in front of CBeebies or a DVD, as I make sure I don't have the telly on in the background at all, only for specific times when I need him to be still and quiet, so I can deal with the baby, or have a shower.

Solo bathtime was a challenge but I now have it sussed. I use one of those bath chairs for the baby and put him up one end and DS1 up the other. I make sure I have all their PJs and nappies/milk etc in the bathroom with me, and then lift the baby out leaving DS1 in to play, and get him dry and dressed and give him his milk while sittng on the loo watching DS1. Then put baby down, get DS1 out, dry and dress him, let him play in his room while I put baby to bed, and then story and bed time for DS1. It works a treat, as long as DS1 is behaving of course - yes, it's stressful if they are both screaming, or if DS1 is spalshing everything, or keeps barging into DS2's bedroom while I am putting him down, but everyone gets used to it, and DS2 is very used to the noise and the kerfuffle which is no bad thing.

DS2 absolutely adores DS1 and you don't need any toys for him or play gyms as all he wants to do is sit in his bouncy chair and watch and laugh at his big brother.

A couple of other things - I potty trained DS1 when DS2 was about a month old. Everyone thought I was bonkers, but I couldn't deal with changing two sets of nappies, and had been shwoing the potty to DS1 all Summer and he was very ready, so it has worked a treat. I didn't want to wait until DS2 could move around on his own. If DS1 yells "Mummy I need a wee wee!" I can put DS2 down straight away regardless of whether we're mid feed or wot, and he stays put...

Other thing is I used to panic if I had nothing planned for DS1 and I - I worked full time until 7 months pregnant with DS2 and found myself at home with DS1 with alot of time on our hands - but since DS2's arrival, I love staying at home with them - DS1 plays on his own very nicely more than ever, and it is just so much easier sometimes to stay in and chill out. Having said that we are out loads too...

It was hard at first, till you work it all out, but I am loving every second of it and wouldn't change it for the world.

xx

Definitely buy him a baby doll and play games. Get him to understand why you're doing things for the baby - if it cries ask him 'shall we see what x wants? Perhaps s/he's hungry.
Let him feel involved.
Get the baby to bring him a present home from hospital.
Mine are 18 months apart and there was never much jealousy - they still get on reall well most of the time now they're 11 & 13

I have a 19 month gap between mine - I read to ds about having a new baby, bought him a baby doll (that definitely helped) and even well before dd was born he definitely understood there was a baby in my tummy.
Ds did not like me b/fing but had to get used to it as it carried on for 13.5 months! I had to get him used to watching tv a bit which he hadn't been. I know others suggest a b/f box so you can bring out a special box of toys just as you are about to feed. Eventually he understood that dd was having her milk, not just having a cuddle which I think is what he thought was happening originally - and he was happier then.
Bathtimes and bedtimes are hard in the first few months especially when you are on your own. Dd sometimes had to be left to yell in her cot while I sorted ds out as she wouldn't feed while he was having his story as she was too distracted. You muddle through.....now they are 15 months and almost 3 it is pretty easy.
I would say prepare your dh/dp to be much more hands on. Give your ds one to one time while your new baby is asleep. My ds's behaviour became appalling everytime dd reached a new stage like crawling or walking and he needed a lot of reassurance and individual attention to get him back on track. Get out and get to his usual activities - staying in the house all day with a newborn is too much to expect of them! Forget cooking perfect meals for him all the time and give yourself some slack - fishfingers are actually allowed some of the time Give him a year to get used to the new arrival - it takes time for them to adjust to having a sibling. Mine love each other to bits - they do fight but they are always kissing and cuddling and it is lovely to watch........ Good luck.

Borrow a pair of goats from somewhere. Take them shopping, let them loose inyour house, that sort of thing. It'll be the best preparation you an do.

And make sure the goats are the type that yip up too.....

Some fantastic tips - thanks! I will definitely buy ds a toy doll so he can get used to the concept of babies.

The bathtime stuff is very useful too. Dh is never home in time, so I will be doing that on my own.

Love the tip about buying 2 goats!!!

pmsl at the goats

Excellent tip re the goats! PMSL

Agree with other advice re bathtime. My DS was almost 4 when DD born and they've been bathed together since she was about 10 wks. DH usually helps with bathtime, but on the odd occasion when he's not there routine as follows.

1. Run bath. Allow DD nappy free time kicking on mat whilst bath running.
2. Undress DS whilst bath running.
3. Get DS into bath then DD in other end.
4. Wash DD, dry then take to bed whilst DS gets an extra 10 min of 'big boy' time in the bath on his own.
5. When DD asleep (usually within 10 min return to sort out DS, dry, dress, story and bed.

Luckily I can see into the bathroom across the landing from DDs room so there's not much chance of too much splashing and messing from DS!

HTH

Tuttifrutti - that was the same gap between my two ds (ds2 now 4 months) and i'm sorry but i think you just need to prepare yourself that life is going to be really hard for the first couple of months. I used to start panicking on the one night a week my DH works late. My ds1 had always been a really good sleeper - settled himself to sleep - and a really good eater. Within a week of ds2 being born he wouldnt go to sleep and there was no way i could get him in the highchair. But i thought i could either sink or swim with how hard i thought life was so i just doggy paddled like mad and life gradually got better.
Against my better judgment i gave the baby a dummy so he now settles himself to sleep which gives me time to read to ds1 and dd (she's never had a problem with the new baby). When i'm on my own i bath ds2 early while the other 2 are plonked in front of cbeebies, give the baby his bottle then put him to bed at 7. The other 2 then go in the bath (as quick as possible and definitely not every night!!) and i read to them and then it sleeptime. We've had to be a bit tough in the last few weeks with ds1 but he's now gone back to his good sleeping habits.
It is really unsettling for my ds1 but i think you just need to talk as much as possible to him and realise that you cant really prepare him for how much life is about to change.
4 months later life is so much easier - and to see ds1 cooing at ds2 makes me forget all those hard days!

There's a wonderful book called 'There's a house inside my mummy' - definitely get that!

I think getting your dh to do as much as possible with your ds so he's used to it when the baby comes is really important too.

My sister had the same problem her ds justed turned three when the new baby came. She did get dolls and baby equipment for the dolls. But my mom went out for two weeks after the new baby came. So my niece had two weeks of grandma all to herserlf. When grandma left she was used to the new baby around but didn't feel neglected.

can someone please come and collect 2 goats, I have 2 ds under 5 here somewhere

HI, You will love it, i have 20 months inbetween mine. DD1 Used to get to listen to all midwife visits (Inc stethoscope) and always got involved in things. Then "baby" bought present for DD1 but to be honest DD1 more interested in DD2. They are now 11months and 2.5yrs and play so well together my life is much easier already (ish) Actually found months 3-7 the hardest for some reason, prob potty training and weaning at same time... but through it and good, good luck and enjoy it.

Just in case you need another book recommendation we got one called 'A Special Something' and ds loves it even now that dd is here!!

Hiya. I have 2 1/2 years between my DD and DS and have been on my own since DS was eight weeks old (DH away with the army0 and found that bathtime/bedtime worked if I bathed them both together (baby in one of those reclining seat things), got him out and dried/dressed him in the bathroom, then got DD out, dried/dressed etc, then into Mummy and Daddy's room for milk all together (him bf, her in cup!) while watching a bit of a video then she was allowed to watch a tiny bit more on her own (big, special treat!) while I out him to bed. I then read her stories and tuck in before coming downstairs and collapsing face down on the sofa
WE found Usbourne Books The New Baby really helpful, as well taking her to the scan so she could see the baby "waving" at her and to midwife appointments to hear the baby's heartbeat or, as we put it, clapping in Mummy's tummy cos he was looking forward to meeting her Seemed to work though!

There are 19 months between mine and it's been sheer hell! The toddler is forever hitting, kicking and shoving the baby. It drives me insane and I find it very hard to deal with the anger it provokes in me and often end up yelling. I never know what the best approach is to dealing with it - advice please!

As for physically dealing with the two of them, I positioned a baby seat of some kind in all the keys rooms of the house, so I could put him down in a safe place. I used a bouncy chair, car seat and inflatable baby nest. Bathtimes were made easier to begin with by my partner getting home by 6.30 initially, so we could do them separately. As soon as I could I put them in the bath together to save time (toddler in first with baby waiting on mat, wash toddler, then put baby in and out quickly). The worst thing has been trying to breastfeed and put the baby to bed whilst amusing the toddler - virtually impossible to begin with resulting in many bedtimes sprialling out of control!!

A friend of ours spent a lot of time explaining that the baby inside of mummy's tummy was actually their ds's and not something for mummy and daddy - as their new dd is just 4 weeks old and their ds is 4, I can't tell you quite yet if it worked, but it seemed to have got over the initial shock.