How can I prepare for second baby?

[TuttiFrutti]

I'm due to have my second baby in February, when ds will be 22 months, and I find the thought of it really scary! Ds is a real mummy's boy anyway and very clingy, so I think I can probably expect some jealousy problems.

Does anyone have any tips on how I can make life easier? Is there anything I can do to prepare ds in advance? He's too young to understand that a new baby is coming, but are there any books I should be reading (to myself or to him) or anything else I can do?

Also, how in practical terms do you mothers of toddlers and newborns handle stuff like bathtime and bedtime?

loving all these tips, dh is not usually home by bathtime and dd1 is 6, dd2 is 20 months and db is due on the 3rd of feb. because of the 5 year gap betwenn the first two I am terrified as to how I will cope with this much smaller gap. I am very woried that I have babied dd2 and she will find it a big shock and I'm going to BF so worried about cluster feeding and trying to entertain dd2.

I'm sure you'll be fine. The very fact you're thinking so hard about it means you'll be prepared

There are 20months between my two. I think I did a very bad job of preparing ds1 for the new arrival. I really underestimated how much he could understand i think and didn't read him books about new babies or even talk to him much about it. I think I was so concerned about problems with the birth and there not even being a new baby in the end that I didn't want to build it up. In retrospect (they are now 4 and 2 1/2) that was a very bad idea. He hates change and a new baby was a massive change that really rocked his little world. He started to throw incredible tantrums and it took months for him to settle properly. The first 3 months were really hard juggling the two of them, I seemed to be forever feeding and often didn't give him 100 % attention when he needed it most. That said it got vastly easier when the baby got into a routine. She would sit in her chair and watch him for ages, then just fall asleep. That was fantastic. Months 6-12 seemed hard again though as she got very clingy and wanted constant contact.
Top tips: Talk, read and talk some more.
Box of special diverting toys for early marathon feeding as mentioned earlier. Wrapping them seems a great idea, looking back I wish I'd done that.

Its great having them close together now though. In the right mood they play for ages. In the wrong mood they scream at each other instead of me.

If you are planning to bf get your DS used to sitting next to you to read rather than on your lap and get him to turn pages. We used bfeeding time as reading/talking time and within a few weeks DD (2.9 when DS was born) would go and get a book every time I got my boobs out

Agree with talking, talking and more talking - don't underestimate what he can understand. Midwives visits is a good idea too, my DD always came with her nurses bag!
I also pointed out EVERY screaming baby we encountered and told her we might get one like that!! Luckily we didn't.

I was very lucky in that all family and friends bought my ds1 a gift as well as a gift for the new arrival - i think that helped in the early days - perhaps have some cheap wrapped up gifts ready at the door for those who 'forget' their gift for the big bro/sis

i didnt stop praising up ds1 to all visitors about what a great big bro he was and let him bask in the glory

also handed over baby to visitors asap and used this time to cuddle ds1 play with him while still chatting to visitors etc

best advice is to allow big bro/sis to help out as much as poss and encourage contact - its hard to bite your tongue at times and you find yourself keep saying be careful etc etc - but i think it really helps the bond between the siblings

Hi, am very interested in this thread as I too am expecting DC2 - DS will be 22/23 months - and am worryin g about how I will cope. The tips on here seem great and I will be printing this out for future reference!!

DS is 18 months now and his speech and communication is very good for his age (is stringing 2-3 words together now and has large vocab). I'm hoping that as he is good at "understanding" on the whole that he will begin to get the "new baby" thing. Not yet started on explaining to him though, was waiting until after Xmas for that!

DH has been around loads for DS (changing jobs, period of leave etc) so DS is quite happy to have daddy take him to the park, do breakfast, beth time etc but new job is mouch more demanding and I worry that DH won't be around so much to help, he won't bond with no2 the same, no2 won't be as "special" etc etc. Am having quite weird dreams about it all and am actually quite emotional about how to give no2 the same love and attention that DS got and at the same time not "abandoning" DS! Am sure it will all work out and its "normal" to have a sibling...

My top tip is get some childcare for ds1! pre-school/play group or whatever pref with a special friend just so you get a change of pace and ds gets to play with kids his own age every day.

bathtime tip - make sure dad is home as soon as poss every night!!

when baby is asleep spend time just you and ds1 - not jobs etc just playing, reading etc

good luck x

I've got a three yr old and DS2 is due on xmas day. I don't konw if any of the following will work,but we have....

bought ds1 some dolls and a cot for them(while we were ttc so he's already bored with them)
told him ds2 is his baby brother,not used the word "ours"
given DS2 a "working title" so thusly a pseudopersonality.with likes and dislikes..baby likes when ds1 talks to him but not when ds1 jumps on mummy and kicks her.likes chocolate,(a lot)
shown him scan photos
pointed ALL babies out to him
arranged for all his friends to already have a younger sibling(OK didn't arrange that one but makes it a lot easier!)
told him that newbies are really boring and all ds2 will do for ages is cry,sleep and drink "mummy milk".
told him that once ds2 is bigger,DS1 will be able to teach him to do ALL the wonderful things he can do.

Hope it works and enjoy your pg.(invest in lots of DVDs for the last few weeks to keep your sanity-I do not have ANY energy for soft play or sitting on floor making puzzles at mo!!)

...agree with childcare. I'm planning to "ignore" DS2 as much as poss(apart from the necessary of course!) when DS1 is at home and become totally obsessed with DS2 while Big Bro is at nursery!

I have the same age gap. dd is now 6 months so i feel that things are loads easier now. The thing that saved my life was a ring sling, particularly brilliant towards the end of the day when baby needs to be held a lot and for bath time, you can feed the baby in the sling if needs be. Also be prepared for a reaction from your ds, there will be one, it could be very positive, lots of cuddles and kisses for baby or could be more cross with hitting/biting etc. All very normal, i just wished i had realised what a change it would be for my ds. He is so happy now and loves his sister it just tooke a while to get there. Hope it all goes well. I wouldn't change having 2 for anything in the world.

I have the same age gap. dd is now 6 months so i feel that things are loads easier now. The thing that saved my life was a ring sling, particularly brilliant towards the end of the day when baby needs to be held a lot and for bath time, you can feed the baby in the sling if needs be. Also be prepared for a reaction from your ds, there will be one, it could be very positive, lots of cuddles and kisses for baby or could be more cross with hitting/biting etc. All very normal, i just wished i had realised what a change it would be for my ds. He is so happy now and loves his sister it just tooke a while to get there. Hope it all goes well. I wouldn't change having 2 for anything in the world.

I had 28 mths between ds and dd. Most of my recommendations have already been said, so won't repeat, but I think one really critical thing to prepare them for is the amount of crying the baby will do. ds got very upset whenever his sister cried - I explained to him that this was her way of telling me something up, that she couldn't tell me what the matter was and that perhaps he could help me understand.

Also, it is incredibly hard work initially. I never got bedtime/bathtime sussed, although once I'd realised that dd might actually enjoy her baths if she went in with big bro, then things got easier (huge help - she worships him).

Early Learning do some fab crafty kits. I have found these a great investment so I can spend a quality 10 mins with ds when dd is asleep. Makes me feel like super mum and he really loves making/sticking something.

Also, the baby will just fit into life - you have to get out & do things with the toddler. It's much easier than you think, if you're brave enough to try.

Nobody prepared me for the upside - that seeing the 2 children together is wonderful. They each think the other is the absolute best thing and no one can make dd giggle the way her big bro can. There have been terribly hard times in the last 8 months (and I have repeatedly wondered what possessed me to want children so close together), but now I have 2 fab kids and life feels pretty good.

Good luck!

just wanted to say thanks for all the tips here. I'm expecting again in Feb, with DS just turned 3, and had been worrying about how to juggle it all, esp bath and bed. Lots of things here that I can try and hopefully something will work.

...and thanks again from me. These are fantastic tips.

I particularly like the emphasis on the positive, so thanks Tiredandgrumpy for pointing out that they will entertain and love each other eventually, it just might not happen straight away! I've got 2 nephews who are 7 and 9, and for several years now they've been easier together than apart because they play together, but I can remember the first year was very tough for my sister.

I'm going to try to order the House in Mummy's Tummy book from our local library, to see what ds makes of it!

House inside my mummy wasn't popular with us.

Usborne first experiences "New Baby" is quite good. There is a Spot one as well.

This is really great thread. DD will be 28m when baby is due. I really hope she will understand more then. My friend had her DD when her Ds was 18m, she looked after newborn baby while expecting, and that really helped. I will definately buy Usbourne book for DD. DD loves bath and has it everynight, so that sounds good fun for us. Please please more tips.

to add to my bathtime tips from earlier - totally agree with the childcare thing for DS/D1 - if you can at all manage it. I was going to pull DS1 out of nursery when DS2 came along, but talked to DH and we agreed he would stay in for two mornings a week. it has been an absolute god send....in the early days, it meant i could go back to bed with the baby (even after dropping him off, would drive there in my jarmies (tracksuit type thing, and specs with unbrushed teeth, gorgeous ) and later on it was just time for me to totally focus on DS2...

X-posts

My DS is nearly 2 weeks old (aww) And I am still coming to terms with how easy it has been for DD(3) to adjust to his arrival.

We got several books on the subject for her from Amazon, which fast became her fav bedtime stories.

We talked about the baby in mummy's tummy and watched loads of programmes about babies being born.

She is the best bog sister in the world. She gets tissues to wipes DS mouth if he brings up any milk, she rubs his head and belly if he cries, she gets his milk if asked and likes to help pick out what he wears. I am so proud of her adjustment, although she seems to act like it's nothing.

I know theres an age gap and gender difference, but I think by trying to involve your DS in whats going on and talking about what will happen can only help.