Has anyone ever been stared at??

[belgianmama]

I've got 2dc's and I'm sure some of you must know they're Dutch/English bilingual. I'm quite strict with the OPOL strategy and always talk Dutch to my 2. They find it only natural and are not embarrased or anything. If anything they'd find it odd of I speak English to them. Anyway. The other day I was in Asda and I'm used to people's head turning when I speak Dutch, but it's usually for a second and then they carry on. This time, though, this man started staring when he heard me speak Dutch and then he just kept on staring during my whole conversation. When I challenged him he didn't appologise or anything . I was sooooo . It's so rude to stare. It's not like I'm the only person the area that speaks a different language!

Now my Dd is older (nearly 3), and we're doing lots of clubs together, I find some of the other kids really double take. I've started miming out what I say/ doing simultaneous translation for my pint sized audience. I guess it'll get easier when her friends are a bit older and more sophistocated.

The strangest thing here in the States - I was talking Dutch to my two (contra strategy but H (Dutch) has not been around enough so I speak Dutch to them too so they hear it) when suddenly another little boy answered my question. Now that really made me jump and I completely forgot I was in Colorado. So just goes to show, you never can tell who understands you. Like the French couple on the Tube near Earl's Court critising the cost of everything in London, in French. I got off and agreed with them that they were quite right. Was worth it to see their faces . But funny stories aside. You do find that people look at you strangely if you suddenly speak another language and one they don't expect. Goedeavond Belgianmama, en ik hoop dat alles goed met je gaat.Prettige Kerstdagen en een gelukkig nieuwjaar.

he probably thought you were one of those eastern europeans who have taken the first bus to a 'civilised' country to take away all our jobs.

hey, i moved to a very 'white' city in the north east 9 yrs ago and got stared at all the time without even opening my mouth!

i am not bilingual but i am learning spanish at uni and hope to live their in a few years and bring ds up as bi lingual. anyway i am at uni in cardiff and the other day i was walking with 2 girls who are welsh and they just started talking in welsh knowing full well i couldn't understand and was just standing ther like a melon not being able to say a word. i was quite offended but after reading this maybe i shouldn't have been.

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I don't get this problem because here in Cambrdige there are so many foreigners, you couldn't stop staring! But I admit that I can't help listening in when I hear Dutch spoken in the neighbourhood... waiting to give a clue that I can understand heheheh

Oh, I am jealous!!!! I love languages and would love to be fluent in more than English. I don't stare if I hear people speaking another language but I do like to try and work out which language it is, so it probably shows that I am interested.

Same happens to me sometimes. I am German but speaking English to dd as I am quite comfortable with it, so I also have the problem that people tell me how could I dare try to speak English with her when it's not my native tongue. What about that German accent (don't have one, my accent is Texan ). We stick to the OPOL strategy and it's working fine, so I decided not to let people bother me.... . By the way, dd is 17 months now and babbling away in both languages, even starting to sort it out (COOKIE! when talking to me, KEKS! when talking to Pa or Oma).

Belgianmama, sort of know the feeling although I haven't had any rude comments or stares as yet. Plenty of double takes and short stares, but most people are too polite to comment I guess. I try to make it a rule to just speak Dutch to me Dd, but amongs people I don't know very well I tend to switch to English out of politeness and often can't be bothered to explain, but with friends and family I do and they are used to it. Dd's older cousins are now picking up some dutch (nee, ja, stout, lief etc) which is really funny to hear!

Hugeheadofangelhair, lucky you, I wish I heard a bit more dutch around me, if only for entertainment value!

No,you shouldn't have been offended Pitchou.
People speaking their own language does not mean they are deliberately leaving you out.It is a variation on the 'don't flatter yourself' theory I expounded earlier.
Furthermore,if one always defers to the Anglophone,then a language like Welsh will not be spoken at all as there are always Anglophone monoglots about.

As a temporary resident of Wales (I presume?) then of course you are not expected to learn Welsh.
However,in a village like mine (85-90% Welsh speaking) people who don't earn Welsh are considreed the rude ones.

Pitchounette,if you only speak French with your children when other people are not present,I guarantee you (as a trilingual,salt and linguist) that they will not be able to use French functionally in future years.
They will respond more and more often in English and chances are you will then do the same and before you know it,their French will be lost for godd.

Your best bet is to use it all the time.

Sorry,first bit directed at Wewishyou.

hmm se i can see your point if the someone else wasn't actually taking part in the conversation. but we were walking along chatting and then all of a sudden i haven't a clue what is going on. exclusion doesn't feel nice.

Sometimes it's just too interesting. When I was younger my parents had friends who were missionaries come to stay with us. The father was from Peru and the mother was from Holland. When their family was talking the father spoke Spanish, the mother spoke Dutch, the daughter spoke French, and the son spoke English. It was fascinating how they were all following the same conversation in different languages.

My family couldn't help but stare in fascination.

Hi everyone. Great to see al the replies. Ook een vrolijk kerstfeest en gelukkig nieuwjaar aan alle Nederlandstaligen hier!! And the same for the non-Dutch speakers too, a merry xmas and happy new year that is.
Just to say that that man's stare clearly wasn't a curious innocent stare. He kept on staring even when he noticed that I had noticed him. I do admit to staring at fellow Dutch speakers too when I come upon one, but if they notice that I am looking at them then I just let them know why I was looking or something. I don't carry on staring at them right in the face! Although mostly when I notice that someone is speaking Dutch I look somewhere else while listening in, just like hugeheadofhear I wait for the right moment to give them a clue that I understand them! It doesn't happen very often though.
I always carry on talking to my dc's in Dutch even in the presence of English. I haven't had any comments yet and it is usually something between them. If they are involved in a conversation with a group then I tend to say everything twice: once in Dutch to them and once in English to the rest of the group. I never made that decision consciously, it just happened like that.

We get stared at so often for speaking English that DH (German) just says to me, "Have we got 2 heads again?" Sometimes benign, often rude.

Find age makes a difference too. Some old biddies tut and move away as though we're infectious. Younger mums (earnest type) say, "They're speaking English, can you hear?" As if we could hopefully give the little darling a headstart by speaking within a 5-foot radius of them, even though the conversation is usually, "Will you PLEASE put your shoes on? Where's your hat? Are these your pumps?"

Cheekiest ones are those I don't know who stop me and suggest their DC could play with mine - yeah, and bring your washing and I'll do that too!

Nicest lately was when I was in the doctor's waiting room and DH rang me and we had one of those hissed conversations where I'm never sure who can understand me. "Where are you?" "Doctor's, remember?" "What for?" "What do think?" "What?" "Go away! I'll call you later." An old lady leaned over and asked in a confidential hush, "Was that English?" "Yes." "I thought so," she said and gave herself a congratulatory smile. Made her morning

We get stared at so often for speaking English that DH (German) just says to me, "Have we got 2 heads again?" Sometimes benign, often rude.

Find age makes a difference too. Some old biddies tut and move away as though we're infectious. Younger mums (earnest type) say, "They're speaking English, can you hear?" As if we could hopefully give the little darling a headstart by speaking within a 5-foot radius of them, even though the conversation is usually, "Will you PLEASE put your shoes on? Where's your hat? Are these your pumps?"

Cheekiest ones are those I don't know who stop me and suggest their DC could play with mine - yeah, and bring your washing and I'll do that too!

Nicest lately was when I was in the doctor's waiting room and DH rang me and we had one of those hissed conversations where I'm never sure who can understand me. "Where are you?" "Doctor's, remember?" "What for?" "What do think?" "What?" "Go away! I'll call you later." An old lady leaned over and asked in a confidential hush, "Was that English?" "Yes." "I thought so," she said and gave herself a congratulatory smile. Made her morning

oops, sorry, double post!

One time, when we were in Holland, we were in the Albert Heyn (supermarket) and there were some english people around, chatting to each other. My son didn't stop staring at them (he was about 4 at the time), obviously thinking that something was wrong, because he could understand them but we were in Holland, where everybody was supposed to speak Dutch!

Moondog, thank you for your comments about sticking with the OPOL. My DS1 is 7 now and has started to speak in english to me, even at home, and yes, it is very difficult not to talk back in english. I do insist that he speaks Dutch at home, explaining he needs to practise it, but at the moment he finds it hard. I guess I'll have to have a hard line on this one.

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Great to read your comments Moondog & Hugehead.. re. persevering with your language. My dd is only 2 but I've worried about slacking with speaking Dutch to dd as I'm so used to only speak English here to everyone around me and your comments have just reinforced the idea in my head that I should keep it up.

Sorry to slightly change the thread, but has anyone ever had any hostile/weird reactions from nursery/school etc about your child being bilingual?

So I guess he wasn't staring 'cause he knew Dutch? Sometimes I lookbut don't stareat Dutch speakers on the tube etc because I understand them, well a bit, and I sort of want to test myself to see if I can get what they're saying. . .I think they assume no one in England knows their language, but of course that's not true.. .so they should be careful!

I agree staring is bad manners but teaching your girls Dutch is something to be proud of and I think I'd be rather chuffed if someone stared at me. If he was staring out of abject horror or something. . .well you've done a good deed by educating him about the existence of other languages.

As for UKcloggie's question . .I must live on some other planetor maybe London is just very different from rest of UKbut people in my area are praised for having bilingual kids. Parents are proud of it, kids too. My ds puffs up a bit when dh speaks to him in Dutch at school. If people stare: maybe they're staring out of admiration. . .? so hard to know what people are thinking.

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