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Original poster

People think my baby is white.

70 replies

Sazzysez123 · 05/12/2015 10:52

My little girl (11 days) is part white part African American, but everyone comments on how pale she is and it's really fustrating as they say (from the HV) 'oh she doesn't have any of her dad's colourings does she?' Has anyone else had this happen to them?

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lljkk · 05/12/2015 14:45

It doesn't matter, really, it's just chitchat, no?

Mexican friend had a blue eyed pale baby with her (dark enough) African American boyfriend. It was a wee problem when he wanted to take the toddler over the border "Are you sure this is your daddy?" the guards would ask the little girl.

dayslikethis · 05/12/2015 16:32

Congratulations on your beautiful wee baby girl - she's gorgeous.

Yes you will get people commenting no matter what and somehow children of mixed race marriages seem to attract a lot of it! I'm afraid you do have to get used to it, and decide if it is innocent or actually showing signs of inherent racism at which point you speak up. It's less of an issue now when she is so tiny but potentially more of a problem as she grows up and can understand what people are saying.

My DH is Asian and I am White - our eldest is the darkest of the 4 of them and noticably looks mixed race, although he didn't really for the first few weeks at least bar his very dark hair and eyes. My middle one is also dark and noticably mixed but not as dark as the eldest, whereas we joke that the youngest two are our wee white babies and we constantly get surprised looks and raised eyebrows when people meet my DH for the first time! (And yes, I have been asked several times if my kids all have the same father )

When my middle one was about 5 weeks old (and definitely noticably mixed race by that stage) we noticed a Mongolian blue spot on her lower back - I took her to the HV because I wanted it noted in her red book in case someone else saw it and jumped to the wrong conclusion about it. The HV who had known me for almost 2 years by that point and had met my DH many times and was also the HB for my older DS (who was standing right beside me) proceeded to reassure me that it was nothing to worry about because they can happen in Caucasian babies too and while it was unusual, it wasn't unheard of! It wasn't a slip of the tongue because she then gathered round the other HVs and students who were in that day to all have a good gawp as it was a good teaching opportunity as they didn't often see them in Caucasian babies! One of the other HVs spoke up and said "but obviously this child is mixed race so it's not that unusual at all" and my HV was rather embarrassed and rather quickly ended her teaching session

Original poster

Sazzysez123 · 05/12/2015 16:55

I'm in the UK but her dad's American.

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Original poster

Sazzysez123 · 05/12/2015 17:10

My father is 6'6 so that's where the tall gene is from. Unfortunately it skipped with me but I think that's because I have a disability called cerebral palsy and we are slightly shorter. All my sisters tower over me and I guess our beautiful little girl will too. Thanks for the reassurance guys. :) that pic was taken at 5 days old.

OP posts:

AyeAmarok · 05/12/2015 17:21

Ach what a cutie she is.

People do always feel the need to comment on babies' appearances, don't they. And sometimes they forget to engage brain.

Personally I love to see mixed race babies because I'm quite fascinated about how the different features and colourings mix into a whole new person (I'm clearly not a scientist). But I realise that sounds weird, so I would never say it aloud!

scarednoob · 05/12/2015 20:22

Sorry realised I missed a key word - should read "might change with time". One handed breastfeeding typing sucks!

umiaisha · 05/12/2015 23:11

My partner is asian/middle eastern and I am white. Our eldest is the darkest (very dark hair, olive skin and brown eyes) , the middle not so (brown hair, slightly paler olive skin and brown eyes) and the youngest is the palest and doesn't look mixed race at all, with blue eyes, light skin (but does tan) and light brown hair. People frequently comment on how fair she is, but I am not offended by it as they are just stating the obvious!

Dreamgirls234 · 05/12/2015 23:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

na5ima · 06/12/2015 00:08

Congratulations and your DD is beautiful

I'm Asian and so is my DH but when my DS was born he was very pale almost white with black hair (I've got brown/yellowish skin and my DH is quite dark brown skin) family members kinda said why he was fair etc (my dad is quite fair and so is my grandma).. Its quite upsetting when ppl say things like that and he looks exactly like me and doesn't look anything like his dad.. It's not nice when ppl say that near DH as I know he gets upset although he says it's okay.. I can just see it in his face.. What do you say to that..

Anyways now my DS is 6month and his skin colour has changed dramatically.. He went from fair to dark brown and not his got light brown.. Very strange and started to look a bit like his dad.. So yeah it does change over time..

Also just ignore what ppl say.. They have a bloody problem with anything and everything lol

steppemum · 06/12/2015 00:20

my brother is blond white, and my SIL is from Caribbean.

All three of their dcs looked very pale as babies. One of her girls was very white skinned with jet black hair which was very straight and looked very Asian. People used to look at the baby and then look at mum and dad and look very confused, where did this Chinese baby come from? It was pretty funny actually.
Now they are all older (8 and older) and they are very definitely mixed race, but all three have very different colouring. One is very fair, with blonde afro curls. One is very dark, but her hair is not very curly.
They are all gorgeous.

skankingpiglet · 06/12/2015 15:06

Genetics are fascinating, you never know what will be thrown together.
I'm white with poker-straight mousey hair and DH is black with a very tight curl to his hair. Our DD is now 18mo and very much half way between us in skin tone and hair, however she doesn't look like either of us! I can see bits of MIL in her, but no one else I recognise yet. When she was born she was incredibly pastey with jet black straight hair and brown eyes. She looked Asian and we were slightly dubious to whether they had handed us our baby or one they had had stashed under the table
Her skin darkened over her first year, and loads over the summer as we spent so much time outside although it has relightened again now. Her hair is now chocolate brown and golden in the style of a mad professor. My SIL said the colour around the finger nails was a good indicator of her eventual skin tone, and this proved correct for us.
Who knows how your DD will grow up to look/take after, but it's exciting watching and waiting! Just as it is watching their personalities emerge. Do you live in an area that isn't particularly ethnically diverse? I would expect most HVs to know that a good deal of mixed race babies darken, and that, in fact, it's not unusual for babies born to two black parents to be quite pale initially (SILs certainly were).
Get used to the comments though. I get a lot of 'where is her Dad from?' and nearly as many confused looks when I answer with his home town (about 20 miles from where we currently live). The more brazen go on to ask 'no, originally' Sometimes if I CBA I explain where his parents came from as they obviously just can't compute, but usually I repeat the previous answer. It's tiresome.

MissDallas · 06/12/2015 15:17

I think it can take quite a while for the melanin to develop, which is why so many new babies have blue eyes that darken later.

originalmavis · 06/12/2015 15:25

Your little one is beautiful. People usually comment on whether a child looks like mum or dad or great aunt Liz.

It's not a race/colour thing unless it's really different - an Indian lady I worked with had 2 very blonde blue eyed daughters who didn't look like her at all.

I only had one comment of 'is his dad from x country?" I must've bristled as it was followed quickly by "because I'm from there'"

Mamabear12 · 07/12/2015 22:07

I have to say, that a lot of people are probably just interested in mixed race babies and what they will or do look like. I can say, as half asian and half white, I have always been interested. Whenever I see an asian, that looks mixed, I am always interested in their mix and background. I have two kids...one looks exactly like me..half asian. The other is blonde with blue eyes! I get comments all the time...people ask if they are both mine, people ask if they are brother and sister. People always comment how my daughter is exactly me and son exactly my husband etc etc. People comment on their colorings...and I dont mind at all. I ENJOY IT! I think it is so interesting how gentics work. You never know what you will get! It is amazing to think and see...I would not take it so personally when people say things. It is most likely not an attack on you or meant to be rude. They are probably just interested or curious.

Mummamayhem · 07/12/2015 22:12

She's beautiful. Someone asked me if I'd been sunbathing with my 6 month old as she has a nice tanned tummy. Some people are a bit stupid.

tbtc20 · 07/12/2015 22:20

I'm 1/2 Indian, but only 1 person in my whole life has ever suggested that (and she was the same as me - white mum, Indian dad, and white herself).

People see me as white. My maiden name is an uncommon Indian name and people think maybe I have Spanish, French or Italian in me when they realise my name isn't an English one.

It has never been an issue for me at all, I feel a strong connection to both countries and cultures.

When I have visited India I can tell I have the same features as my dad. Indian people are Caucasian so the difference is just colour.

AnotherStitchInTime · 07/12/2015 22:22

She is beautiful!

I have three mixed race black Caribbean/white British children. They all developed darker pigmentation as they grew older. She will be a unique mix, all my three are different, they have different texture hair and range in darkness from quite light skinned to much darker.

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 07/12/2015 22:34

beautiful baby! Congratulations OP.

My DS is half white, half black African. Lots of people didn't really recognise him as being mixed race in the early weeks/months. By the time he was six months his skin had darkened quite a bit (though was still fairer than a lot of other babies with similar heritage) and his hair had started to curl, and by the time he was a year his heritage was instantly recognisable. And at every step and every different shade of his skin and pattern of his hair, he's been just perfect.

When he was tiny and pale, though, I could still see the darker shades to his fingertips and his ears, and I suspected that was about the colour he'd end up. It has been, but that may be as much coincidence as anything else!

Scattymum101 · 08/12/2015 08:33

She's gorgeous. Congratulations.

Hubby and I are dark haired with blue eyes but fairly pale (Scottish lol). When dd1 was born she looked Mediterranean with black hair and dark skin. I got loads of comments about how I must have had a fling with a 'Turkish guy' which upset dh quite a bit. People I think just say stuff to make conversation and don't think about what they're saying. It's the same win pregnancy comments and bump size comments and other stupid stuff people say that drives you nuts.

I can understand it's upsetting at the time though x

Blu · 08/12/2015 08:43

She's gorgeous, Congratulations!

Actually I don't think she looks white . White babies can have very pale skin with a pink tinge.

But on the whole, people just chat nonsense.

Enjoy your baby.

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