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Parenting

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Things you didn't know BEFORE having a baby?

56 replies

OhMakeMeOver · 24/11/2015 10:36

Just anything really!
I think it's ridiculous that I know more about pregnancy, labour and childbirth NOW than I did BEFORE and WHEN I had my son because NOBODY mentions these things, not even midwives during your antenatals! No one goes over what can potentially happen so you can be a bit more prepared and have a heads up!

I didn't know...
...you could tear muscles.
...you could tear your anal sphincter.
...there was such thing as a 4th degree tear! (just didn't think it was possible - WTF!)
...what 1st, 2nd, 3rd or 4th degree meant - I thought a tear was a tear.
...that episiotomies deliberately cut through muscle and the injury was also INSIDE!
...that episiotomies can cause further tearing!
...you could have other injuries as well as a tear, eg. laceration, graze etc.
...you could tear inside as well!
...that sometimes your stitches come apart and you will be left like it!
...that they don't always suture 1st degree tears - I thought they suture ANY injury!
...that they sometimes do c-sections unnecessarily as it's major surgery that interferes with subsequent pregnancies and births - I thought they considered it a bit more!
...the damage forceps deliveries can cause!
...that they sometimes intervene unnecessarily!
...that not ALL midwives are nice, caring, sympathetic or compassionate.
...that maybe you might NOT be told what injuries you have and what stitches they've done.
...that you wont always have full knowledge of what's going on because they wont tell you. EVER!
...they don't always explain why they intervened!
...that they can sometimes accidentally stitch into your rectum, then have to re-do the stitches! Shock
...they did an internal exam afterwards and might not tell you what they're doing or why!
...that they don't always ask or wait for consent!
...that they sometimes do a manual removal! (thought you got taken to theatre or wait for retained placenta to come out on it's own! Why is it usually male doctors that do it as well? They have bigger hands!!)

The only reason I knew you bled after having a baby is because when I was about 11 or 12, I saw my sister in hospital just after she had her 2nd. She got up and dripped all over the floor.

Despite the typical stereotypes of babies crying 24/7, you can have an easy-going and quiet baby too that WILL sleep!

I also didn't even think about the fact that wherever you tear or get cut, you will have scars! And that scar tissue will be tight, uncomfortable and annoying, but you're stuck with it (even if you don't know why they cut you in the first place!!)! I guess I didn't think about the biology or physics behind having a baby!

I think that's everything, might think of more, but... anyone else not know any of this stuff? Or is it just me?

OP posts:
cornishglos · 26/11/2015 14:20

Like you OP, I really wished people had been honest. My first birth was awful and I felt traumatised for years afterwards. It was a shock and I felt a failure. I wish people would just say it how it is.

TheChocolateDidIt · 27/11/2015 08:51

I was really knowledgable. I knew all those thing and many of them happened to me, including not being informed. It still rankles 5 years later. However OP, of your scar tissue is causing problems, it can be fixed. You can have it repaired surgically. It should not cause regular pain. My tear scar sometimes aches still but not to the point where sex is horrid or anything.

Alisvolatpropiis · 01/12/2015 08:49

Nobody told me that being in the water can actually slow down or even stop contractions bastards

Nobody told me that no matter how small the baby, it's all about position.

Nobody actually explained to me what a second degree tear was. The doctor who gave me my two stitches said "you've got a little tear, I'll just give you tell stitches so it heals neatly". When I went to my gp's some three weeks later still in some discomfort she had to gently explain to me that regardless of the number of stitches, I had still torn in to the muscle so discomfort at this stage was normal.

My doctor friend told me (some years ago not whilst I was pregnant) about 4th degree tears.

I didn't realise until speaking to another mum friend that you can tear upwards resulting in clitoral tears.

I too braced myself for no sleep and lots of crying. Thus far my baby (5.5 months) has resolutely been a sleeper. Nobody told me that if you have a sleeper you can end up feeling embarrassed and awkward when talking to other mums.

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Alisvolatpropiis · 01/12/2015 08:54

Fucking hell op is getting a hard time!

I hate the "you're just being nasty scaring first time mum's" attitude. It is so patronising. Are the posters who post about their losses selfish not to think of first time mum's? Or do they deserve support on MN too? The op has said she was traumatised after the birth, does she not have a right to post and get support, share her thoughts with others?

ffffffedup · 01/12/2015 14:28

I suppose mine was that you'll never have a decent nights sleep ever again, even if your baby is a sleeper or even when they've grown up your still half awake listening out for them

Suzy4321 · 01/12/2015 15:24

I agree with OP. I told midwife I was scared and she said don't worry it's fine! Your body knows what to do. But omg labour started baby got stuck before I knew what was happening. Sensors being screwed into baby's skull, suction cap being used. Styrups up, Sliced to kingdom come. 2 midwives and 3 doctors rushing in. Incubator arrived, being fitted with a canular told if baby not out in 3 mins emergency c-section needed. Baby's heart beat dropping. Baby eventually born healthy and beautiful! But my body did not know what to do! And at one awful point doctor actually said in the middle of room "we are loosing her"!!! Don't tell me that they tell you everything they don't prepare you for the situation if things go wrong! I know things could be perfect but sometime they are not. They should tell you about the other things that can happen.

I would like to say this is the right place for comment as it would scare the shit out of anyone not been through this experience.

I also think that because the midwives are so forced to go on about breast feeding they don't talk about anything else. What happens if you can't!! I thought I would breast feed but baby was too little to latch on, and turned out to be allergic to lactose severely. But because W.H.O want everyone to breast feed there was no advice on bottles, sterilising. Or feeding baby ! Utter crap!!!

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