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Parenting

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Original poster

So how do you deal with 'back chat' from a 3yo ?

77 replies

99redballoons · 10/12/2006 20:01

Ds is 3.5 and has become soooo cheeky with his back chat that I don't know whether to reprimand (what I've been doing) or ignore him during these moments. He says things like 'you naughty little girl' (to me) and 'I want to make you die' and 'I'll put you in your room' etc. The usual stuff you'd expect from a 3yo, but it's nearly all the time atm. I try not to get drawn into it, but do say something like 'that's not a very nice thing to say' or whatever, but I'm sure I should be ignoring this. But how do you ignore it when you feel you should let them know it's not something nice?? I'm very confused on how to approach this.

(I know the examples I've given may seem quite lame, but in the heat of it he says things with such meaning (in his little way) that you really see the daggers coming from his eyes!)

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nutcracker · 10/12/2006 20:17

Ds is doing this too. Is driving me nuts and has nearly made me cry a few times,, it's the way he says what he's saying, like he really really means it.

I have tried ignoring and the response was "mummy, talk to me now" shouted at the top of his voice over and over.
I still ignored him until he stopped and then I said i'd speak to him when he could speak to me quietly and nicely. He stomped upstairs and sulked then.

It's in public that really gets to me.

I have tried banning stuff, taking stuff away etc but he really doesn't seem to understand. He recently went a whole week with out his leapster as every single day he would offend again.

SpicymulledSheraz · 10/12/2006 20:17

Sometimes though, sorrt to admit this it has been quite funny, and I struggle to keep a straight face- and they know it, buggers!

nutcracker · 10/12/2006 20:17

We haven't had any poo talk yet...hope we don't get any.

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Original poster

99redballoons · 10/12/2006 20:21

Thanks so much for the replies, haven't laughed like this all day!

It's still confusing cos there's mixed opinions about ignoring.. I think my current naughty step/that's not nice approach isn't really doing much, so I think we'll try the ignoring thing for this week and see what happens. He knows what he's saying is not nice so most likely is doing it just for the reaction. I will ignore and raise with him later when the moment has gone. Agree about the distraction technique but it's so hard to do! Yes, to at nursery... I'm sure half of it comes from there (especially the 'I want you to die' stuff!)

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WonderCod · 10/12/2006 20:21

id say very firmyl" you DOnt alk to mummy liek that and if you do you go to your bedroom"
but i am an old fasioned fish

brimfull · 10/12/2006 20:23

what about poo talk in the back of the car?

Original poster

99redballoons · 10/12/2006 20:23

ditto nutcracker - sounds just like our house.. he's been screaming at the top of his lungs most of the day and his voice isn't even scratchy!

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Frostythesurfmum · 10/12/2006 20:24

I find a hard stare and "don't be rude to Mummy" works. Although when she was rude to me in the post office and I did it, she looked at me all sugar wouldn't melt and said "Mummy, did you leave your smile at home?". I just about held my giggles back - but the rest of the queue thought it was hilarious.

BahHunkBug · 10/12/2006 20:24

This thread is a vision of my future...

DS1's begun with "must hold my hand" lately - when he's in his bedroom and I'm getting him ready for bed. He grabs hold of my hand and waltzes round me, giggling like a loon.

It's a short step to "poo-poo head" from here, I'm sure...!

Frostythesurfmum · 10/12/2006 20:26

I add a sanction if the hard stare doesn't work. The naughty step is a real deterrant for dd (3.7).

SpicymulledSheraz · 10/12/2006 20:26

I have to be a lot firmer with DS2 than DS1. He is much hardwer work.

Original poster

99redballoons · 10/12/2006 20:27

Frosty - then I get "don't you be rude to me mummy" said straight back at me! That's when you start to get drawn in....

my mum once told me that a 3yo is like a teenager.. they think they're all grown up but ofcourse they aren't... I'm just waiting for history to repeat itself in 10 years time!

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SpicymulledSheraz · 10/12/2006 20:28

Oh how we shall lokk back on this in years to come and laugh.

knittingtinsel · 10/12/2006 20:28

ah yes "stinky poo poo head" - real value for money on the nursery fees that little gem was !

Original poster

99redballoons · 10/12/2006 20:29

lol

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WonderCod · 10/12/2006 20:29

99( thats when they go to their bedroom to think on)

brimfull · 10/12/2006 20:30

I have recently started the counting to 3 thing.Good 5 sec gap between counts and into his room if I get to three.Works a treat to stop bad behaviour but more difficult outside the home.
Very rarely get to three

nutcracker · 10/12/2006 21:01

Your ds and mine sound so familiar 99.

If i tell him to be quiet when he is back chatting he says "no you be quiet", if i say "don't speak to mummy like that", then he says "and don't you speak to me like that" and so it goes on.

How can they be so lovely and so awful at the same time.

Last night I was dancing round the living room with Ds whilst strictly come dancing was on, and when I put him to bed I said "and thankyou for the dancing" and he said "your welcome mummy, it was fun"

SpicymulledSheraz · 10/12/2006 21:11

Oh bless. My DS2 is the same, real jekyll and Hyde. He is a complete terror but looks like an angel, he gives me the biggest cuddles. But when he gets the hump - Oh my God.

SherlockLGJ · 10/12/2006 21:13

GGirl

I have been doing the counting thing from pretty early on.

He was only about 2 1/2 and he started trying to control me and my ability to listen to the radio in the car. "Turn it off" "Turn it off"

I replied I will not turn it off but will turn it down.

He replied with ............1 2 3.....How I did not crash the car, laughing, I will never know.

Original poster

99redballoons · 10/12/2006 21:36

Yes nutcracker, that's exactly how it goes

(yes cod, you're right... I think I'll be trying your "old fashioned fish" technique tomorrow!)

OP posts:

brimfull · 10/12/2006 21:39

Lol sherlock.Ds is 4 and it does work quite miraculously at home ,but when we're out I find myself trying to think of what I'll do if I get to 3,and he knows it.

SherlockLGJ · 10/12/2006 21:45

Ggirl................

Pasta works quite well, you can bend down and smile broadly whilst hissing menancingly in their ear............PASTA

Passers by think you have a wonderful relationship with your child. You and only you know the truth.

SherlockLGJ · 10/12/2006 21:46

Sorry meant to add you need to have a jar into which pasta for good behaviour is added and removed accordingly.

brimfull · 11/12/2006 09:02

sherlock,why does he care about pasta in a jar??

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