Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

Please give me tales of 2nd babies

67 replies

Luckystar1 · 16/11/2015 11:03

My DS is 12 months, he is a delight, but when he's hard, it's so hard and I find myself thinking I just can't go through this all again.

The first few months were very difficult, as he was a big cryer, but I worry that I only seem to remember how hard it was, especially when I know we had lovely times too.

My DH and I have no family close by, so we have zero support aside from each other. DH works long hours in a high pressured and stressful job, I have given up a high pressured, stressful job to be a SAHM, which, some days/weeks seems like a stupid idea. But I don't really want to go back either.

Anyway my main question is - were the bad times as bad 2nd time round? Is it worse? Or has it been easier in some respects? Just tell me the good, the bad and the ugly please!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Original poster

Luckystar1 · 16/11/2015 18:33

Sorry DS just kamikazed off the sofa...

Part of a year) and then another lot of bf (hopefully!) would be like 4 freaking years of my life in a row either pregnant or bf! That's a very scary thought!

But I totally agree with the comment about the loneliness of one small baby screaming and am gladdened by the thought that that aspect (my real concern!) is not so bad!

OP posts:

Ihatechoosingnames · 16/11/2015 18:39

My second is only 3 weeks old so feel free to ignore me! But my first has just turned 2. He was a lovely baby but colicky from the outset and I was so clueless. Everything just seemed so hard with him, even getting out of the house and I didn't fully enjoy the baby stage because of this. Oh and he woke every 2 hours like clockwork til he was a year old before he suddenly started sleeping through. The sleep deprivation sent me a bit nuts tbh. I wanted a small age gap to get it out of the way. Now he's a toddler he's fairly low maintenance.

Well since DD was born 3 weeks ago she has been a dream baby. She has only cried a few times even when hungry she just grizzles, she doesn't full on scream the building down like my eldest did! She sleeps currently in 4 hour stretches my son NEVER did that. Ultimately I am so much more confident with her which I didn't expect and has made me feel waaaaay better this time around. It's early days abd I know it will get harder as DD becomes mobile but I am very much hoping it continues like this

Ihatechoosingnames · 16/11/2015 18:41

...not as hard as being pregnant with a toddler, which was grim

And hell yes to this ^

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

1 year olds Families General parenting

Ifiwasabadger · 16/11/2015 18:43

Didleydokey I'm with you.

We have one DD and she was a nightmare baby. Premature so ate very hour for 6 months. Never napped, never slept. Screamed a lot - I used to wear ear plugs to take the edge off. The thought of doing it all again makes me shudder.

OP what does your aoetner think, does he want another?

Chosenbyyou · 16/11/2015 19:48

This is a really interesting thread! We are at the 12month point too and tbh have found the last 12 months a big shock to the system with a difficult baby!! We still rarely get a sleep through the night so the thought of another is scary but then maybe getting your sleep and social life back & go back to square one is worse! Difficult call! What are your thoughts after the posts OP x

NickyEds · 16/11/2015 19:50

4 freaking years of my life in a row either pregnant or bf! That's a very scary thought!

After 2 dry Christmas's (1 when I was a couple of days post partum and cried more or less all day and one where I threw up with morning sickness more or less all day) I'm looking forward to getting as pissed as my boobs will allow between 7pm and 6am!!!!

Original poster

Luckystar1 · 16/11/2015 19:52

My DH has said he really doesn't mind if we stick with just 1, but it's always been our plan to have at least 2 (if not 3...!), so I really can't reconcile the thought of just having 1, even though I've found it hard.

DS has been a joy today, so of course I'm all - oh another would surely be ok... 3 nights ago when he screamed for 2 hours in the middle of the night I told him he was never having any siblings!

I might just leave it up to fate, then we haven't got a choice... That's the responsible approach to family planning isn't it...?!

OP posts:

Needaninsight · 16/11/2015 19:58

Pros - you are far more laid back with no2. Actually makes you realise how ridiculous you were with your first (and, sorry to say, to those mums with only the one, you think they have nooo clue how easy they have it with just one!)

Cons - Never a moments rest. Just 18months between my two. Like twins but without the sympathy or the ahww factor Taking them to the park on my own is hard. No 2 doesn't get half the attention no1 got - for eg, going on reins walking. No chance can I push a pram, supervise an 18month old on reins AND help a nearly 3 year old (who is still too young and could, at a moment's notice, just leg off into the road)

Tbh, no 2 was a lot lot easier. But actually, I suspect he wasn't, You are just so much more chilled out. You don't rush the minute they wake in their cot so often they drift back off to sleep. You take a shower (whilst child 1 is in nursery) and no 2 is more than happy sitting in a jumperoo. I honestly don't think I took a decent shower the whole time no1 was a baby!

You could honestly hand me another 2 babies for the day and it wouldn't make any difference. Newborn/babies are easy. It's when they start walking/climbing/throwing that the 'fun' starts!

Go for it! Maybe time it so that your no 1 is at nursery by the time baby 2 arrives. Easy days

Missdee2014 · 16/11/2015 20:03

The first 6 months with two are the hardest. After that, it gets easier every day. If you are pondering the idea of 2 I'd say 100% go for it!

For info - I'm currently pregnant with dc3 and have yet to rule out dc4

StubbleTurnips · 16/11/2015 20:08

OP I'm glad you posted this, were in exactly the same boat. DD is 2.9 and still BF. I had a terrible PG with her, sickness until 36w and then colic for 6ms. Plus she still doesn't bloody sleep through she's quite a highly strung individual.

The thought of a second makes me wary.

So we're doing the responsible not trying but not preventing fate

kavv0809 · 16/11/2015 20:18

It is entirely personal I think. The two under two thing filled me with dread and I was only really ready to consider Ttc when dd1 was 2 and a half. I could suddenly see the light at the end of the tunnel. There is 3 years 8 months between my two and I've found it entirely manageable. Sling, older one at nursery / school, one on one time with baby. Perfect for me. However I can see the sense in getting it all out the way at once, I just personally feel that would have been way too hard for me.

CottonSock · 16/11/2015 20:21

It's a scary thought for me and I'm pregnant with dc2. DD had reflux and weight gain issues. I got anxiety and postnatal depression. Baby due when she's 3, I just hope for an easy docile sleeping one!

Original poster

Luckystar1 · 16/11/2015 20:58

Yes how does one get one of these sleepy, docile babies??

Although when DS is being his bonkers self, friends look between my DH and I and ask what did you think you two would produce?

I won't hold out for an easy 2nd one. My biggest worry is that DS is actually easy, I'm just not cut out for it!!

OP posts:

myotherusernameisbetter · 16/11/2015 22:11

Yes how does one get one of these sleepy, docile babies??

I had two!!

Original poster

Luckystar1 · 17/11/2015 06:12

Yes I met someone recently who is having her 2nd 16 months after her 1st, she said it was because her 1st was so easy. I hope she has the same luck again!!!

OP posts:

CottonSock · 17/11/2015 09:12

I was apparently one of those babies. My Mum had my sister 20 months later. She said if she had been first she would have been an only child. Didn't sleep till she was 3 .

I guess once you are there, you just cope and things get easier after baby phase. First 6 months was hard for me then much more fun

Original poster

Luckystar1 · 17/11/2015 09:26

Moot point in any event people!! I got a VERY unexpected bfp there now......!!! Please be ok baby! And please be a docile, easy one!!!

OP posts:

Binglesplodge · 17/11/2015 10:22

Oh my goodness! Congratulations! I have enjoyed the responses as my 12 month old DS was a very tricky customer until he began to crawl at around 9 months and I've spent the first year wondering if I can ever do this again. I'm starting to suspect I could - if another could be handed to me having already reached 12 months I'd definitely do it...

Fab news. Hope you and your dh are thrilled.

ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate · 17/11/2015 11:24

Congratulations.

My post is a bit late then, but in case others are watching...

DS1 was a very difficult baby. He still has reflux aged 4 years and he didn't sleep through the night until he was 3. He was very clingy to Mummy (not Daddy - wails of protest even quite old) and generally very intense. He also walked at 10 months so presented other, um challenges!

I had an awful pregnancy too, and it wasn't until he was 22 months old that I could even contemplate being pregnant again. We waited a bit so it fit in better with my career, and we now have DS2.

The gap is 2.7 years. Any smaller and I honestly don't know how I would have coped but by the time DS2 arrived, DS1 had gotten a bit less clingy, his reflux was almost under control and although he wasn't sleeping through, he was only waking a couple of times a night.

I did find the first few months hard but that was because of my health. It is harder with 2 during the bad times (e.g. illness) but we found that in ordinary times it actually wasn't any harder. I think this might be because DS1 was sooo difficult though! DS2 is generally easier. He sleeps better (slept through aged 18 months, but still better than 3 years, and he always napped easier) and they play together. DS2 also potters around by himself a LOT more than DS1 did, which helps.

ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate · 17/11/2015 11:25

Er as for docile babies being genetic...er maybe. But both DH and I are laid back...DS1 is most definitely NOT.

ISpidersmanYouMeanPirate · 17/11/2015 11:26

Oh but to give courage to PP:

DS1 is very intense and highly strung. Having DS2 has actually really helped all of our relationships. It's kind of "diluted" the effect of DS1, and DS1 tolerates a lot more from DS2 than he would from others. I could not imagine DS1 being an only, I think I'd have gone mad.

SweetnessNshite · 17/11/2015 11:33

Whoa! That was quick!! Congratulations!!

NickyEds · 17/11/2015 13:14

Congratulations! It will be fine.

CottonSock · 17/11/2015 13:15

Brilliant... Your body made the decision for you

Original poster

Luckystar1 · 17/11/2015 15:23

Yes! It was a shock, but we are absolutely delighted which has answered some preliminary questions for me!

Thank you for the congrats. Watch out for me on the parenting page in 9 months (fingers crossed!!) moaning about how hard it is.

We are so thankful, it wasn't quite so easy getting to DS.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3