sick of hearing "my baby is bigger than yours/she's so small" !!

[justonesherryformedicinalpurpo]

My daughter weighed 6lb 8oz at birth and was born 4 days over due date.

she's now 9 months and weighs just over 17lbs so she's put on a steady 1lb+ a month.

she is ebb and I know this can contribute to some bf babies being more slender than plump but my partner was small growing up and I was so skinng (until I had my first serious bf at 16!).

She is developing very well, cruising sofas, crawling and babbling away etc. Always been very alert and fidgety. I basically have no concerns whatsoever!

But I am SO fed of people guessing her age. Someone guessed 2ms the other day! Bloody moron!

I always here "oh my baby is younger but huge compares to yours" and "wow she's so tiny, by baby weights X amount".

How do I respond. I just say wow or woah. I feel like they are very naive and also comparing as if their baby is better than mine. Which I know is so ridiculous and no one means any offense but it still irritates me.

some lady said to me yesterday at a baby group "wow she's so clever!" to which I responded with "well she's 9 months..." surprise surprise I'm greeted with "oh... she's so small".

Help me not take their comments defensively as I know they mean nothing by it!

Any other mamas with small babies?

It happens the other way too. Mine were all massive heifers and you'd get loads of people saying 'X is so tall! Like I hadn't noticed, and it wasn't likely, being nearly 6' and dh being 6' 4".
And the expectations for behaviour and schooling because they look older!

Don't take it to heart, op. Sometimes I think people just open their mouths and some random rubbish falls out.

Also people are constantly telling me how advanced his speech is 'for his age'. I don't mind them thinking he's a genius

You win FattyNinjaOwl
My DD had a massive head. They said afterwards they would've recommended a c section if they'd thought she was going to be that big. Was told all the way through pregnancy how small and neat my bump was!
I remember the cleaner in hospital coming in next morning and looking in cot expecting a cute new born and doing a sharp intake of breath. She looked about 4 months old

I was famous. I had midwives popping in to the ward (had to stay in because he shat inside of me) to see the massive baby and asking how.many stitches I needed. they were shocked when I told them none. He just dropped out. I was told that a lot of my bump would be fat from me (I got really really fat, put on about 5 stone) and he would be about 8lb.

It's just idle chit chat. Pay it no mind. I had small babies (5.13 and 6.2 full term) and people often commented on it. I didn't mind - they were small compared to other babies their age after all. Don't take it to heart.

Flinging
You'll get better value from your car seats too.

I have a petite children, they are who they are.

Random 'a' there!

It's just chat.

Like the lady who said "she's so advanced ". She was just trying to say something nice and friendly. But she's got the age a bit wrong. What was she supposed to say when you corrected her?

Honestly, step back and see it for the nothing it is.

Well you'll have to get used to it as if doesn't get any better! I have a tiddler too, he's 3.5 now and 26lb, 85cm, he looks about 18 months but has been speaking like an adult since 2, freaks people out!

People are just making conversation.

I had a massive baby (23lbs at 23 weeks for comparison) and people often commented. She was just tall and 98th centile for length too but at that point, quite sedentary obviously so it translated to being quite pudgy. When she walked around 11 months, the weight fell off. She's 8 now, whippet thin and very tall.

People are usually being friendly and trying to make conversation. I always try to see the best in people.

As an example, you use a word in your op that I find quite offensive. It's commonly used and a lot of people don't know why I might find it offensive (I'm not being critical at all, honestly using this as an example). The thing is, I fully recognise that you didn't use it with any intention of offence and would usually never even mention it. It's the same thing really. Most people are making idle chit chat and talking about your child. They don't mean to annoy or upset you. I guess in that situation, your choice is to try and see it as people being friendly and not let it get to you or decide whether it's worth saying something and how you might say it. I always chose the former.

"
Some babies are small, some are big - in both cases it is more likely than not to be genetic."

Childhood obesity is a huge problem. Genetics is not the reason why so many older babies/ toddlers are heavier than in the past. Roughly 25% of under 2s are obsese. In the past childhood obesity was rare. Many parents do not have a clue that their child is overweight.

be thankful, at 11/12 she will still be fairly cute and loo about het age, the big babies will look like the kind of 16/17 year olds youd avoid in the shopping centre.

www.bbc.co.uk/news/health-31041864

Do you not think this graph is evidence that a fair number of parents overfeed their children? Around 20 to 25% of parents of under twos have fat children. They aren't "big boned" and their height does not account for their weight. A child who is on the 99.9% centile for weight is clinically obese even if they are tall.

I am bemused by this thread. The OP complains that she is getting lots of comments that her daughter is small. The little girl is only slightly below average in weight according to the charts. Its not as if her weight is in the shaded area of the growth chart on the little red book. There are plenty of babies who are smaller than the OP daughter without being underwieght or at least there were in the past.

very true. one of mine was on the 6th percentile until i stopped weighing him and was just a normal bf baby with a short mother who is now a normal weight, slightly shorter than average 11 year old.

As a society, at what stage of life to we stop wanting our children to be the biggest/gain weight, and start to value the skinniest/biggest weight losses?

Genuinely interested.

My ds was a lanky baby, long and slim. They all average out though by the time they are 3/4 there's not much difference

Id just agree and say that they must take after you or your dh

I have a tiny girl too, 18.5 pounds at 15 months, only just gone into 9-12 month clothes. I used to be concerned I was not producing calorific enough milk for her but even now she can pack away pasta etc she is not growing any faster and has remained on the same centile line. Just the way she is meant to be. I have to say though, I love having a tiny girl. She gets plenty of wear from her clothes and is easy to carry too, and still in her first car seat.

Just ignore any stupid comments!

scatter I have anecdotally observed that the situation does change around leaving primary school. As someone that had a small baby who became a somewhat short boy, he'd get the "oh you're so small" comments all through primary school. Didn't bother me in the slightest (I'm short) but it did bug him a bit. He was the shortest in his class and was always paired with the other shortest person, who was a girl and he got flak about her being his girlfriend etc. Of course there were a few mothers who made pitying comment about how it was such a shame he could never play in goal, couldn't run as fast etc etc. However, I have noticed that as puberty approaches, a) it is evening out (the really tall ones growth has slowed down, he is still growing at same rate), b) the strength and power advantage of being bigger and taller is lessening as the hormones kick in and more importantly c) there are obesity issues starting to creep in. It is now those children whose mothers are getting the pitying looks and snide comments.

I also think perception changes around this time because suddenly, the tall or big 11/12 olds look like full on teenagers and a lot more is expected of them in terms of behaviou, and the normal pre teen grumpy, hormonal strops start to look a lot worse on them.

I had the opposite when DD1 was a baby... In the special care unit. She was there due to bad jaundice and was almost 8lbs. All the little premature babies beside her made her look giant. One of the nurses came in when I was visiting to lift her out of the incubator for me and said "my god, she's a monster isn't she?!"

I think people just comment and don't realise that they can be hurtful.

Same DD is now 8 and already almost up to my shoulder and people constantly comment on how tall she is. Because I hadn't noticed at all, what with being her mother and everything.

Absolutely mortified at my poor spelling of heifer.

I am obviously stupid as well as deeply unpleasant

It's just something to say, isn't it? Don't take it to heart. I've got to be honest after 11 months of this parenting lark, and meeting lots of babies and their mums and dads, I tend to stick to commenting on presence of teeth and hair and skills they are displaying right that minute, most other things seem to carry the possibility of inadvertantly offending people. I said "Oh he's so cute, look at those chubby cheeks" to a mum recently and she clearly got the hump with me :-( the baby really was gorgeous and only 4 months old, how could she be annoyed about that :-(

So now it's "oh look at all his teeth / hair" (never lack of!) or "wow he's sitting up well isn't he" or "look how he's concentrating on that toy". Or if I really feel like the mum will take it OK I might be more adventurous and immediately follow it with "My daughter was just like that at that age..".

It's interesting though about size - as someone has said, your daughter doesn't sound that small - only just below 50th percentile for weight. My daughter has always tracked the 50th percentile line and yet I have had both "wow she's really tiny isn't she" and "Wow she's a big girl isn't she" and people guessing she is way older or younger than she is. I think people forget how small or large babies are at different times. I visited my new niece the other day and couldn't get over how tiny she was but she was the same birthweight as my DD and even wearing her babygrows. The evidence that she WASN'T particularly tiny was incontrovertible but I still will probably always think she's small unless we have another baby to compare her to!

Yes Yes Yes! I get this. My ds was 6lb 11oz when he was born, and has always been between the 2 and 9 percentile for weight. People always comment on his weight and the HV wouldn't sign him off until he was 1.5 years (I think she thought I was starving him!)

I haven't had him weighed since as it stresses me out for no reason, hes developing well and is a brilliant bright 2 year old.

The HV is out next Friday for his 2yr review, no doubt there will be more talk of weight gain!

I wouldn't worry, they'll be what they'll be!

My ds is 4 months. He's 50 percentile weight and 98 length. (DH is 6 ft 5) and EVERY single person who sees him says wow he's so big, how much does he weigh? Oh you're really tall (I'm 5 ft 5). Does he eat lots? Etc etc! I think people just feel the need to say something and it's meant in a nice way