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Original poster

stupid comments about gender preference

46 replies

swimmingupstreamagain · 04/10/2015 07:57

Hello.
Just need to rant.
I am heavily pregnant with no.2, and went out for dinner last night with friends. 2 other mothers of toddlers were there. Neither pregnant.
The two of them started having a discussion in front of me about how they were glad they didn't have another child on the way as they could give more attention to the first etc. etc.
I thought this was pretty rude but let it go. I am so very excited to have 2 lovely babies and feel so lucky to give my boy a brother or sister.
Anyway, they both have daughters whereas I have a son. Then they said that it was even more important not to have another yet because they have girls! Apparently it's different with girls, because you can be 'the girls', and they'd be worried about a boy 'coming between them'. They also said that girls act differently.
So they implied that my bond with my son is not as strong because he's a boy, reinforced lots of gender stereotypes which really bother me, and all in front of me.
I told them that having a toddler boy is every bit as wonderful as having a girl, and that they were stereotyping. I didn't tell them how rude I thought them.
Maybe you agree with them, not me, and writing this was a bad idea, but for now I feel better. I couldn't love my boy any more. To me he is perfect and couldn't possibly be better as a girl. I know I'll love the new baby just as much too, girl or boy.
Thanks for reading.

OP posts:

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SapientPearwood · 04/10/2015 08:00

They are a bit thick. You need some different friends.
I have 3 boys :)

strawberrypenguin · 04/10/2015 08:02

Your friends are idiots. I have a nearly 4yo DS and he's amazing, I'm sure your boy is too. Enjoy your two children and leave them to their stupid views. Sadly anti-boy is quite sting on MN though - every gender disappointment thread I've ever seen is anti-boy but then people have weird stereotyping ideas! All the best for the rest of your pregnancy.

Catnuzzle · 04/10/2015 08:02

I don't understand gender preference, I have two gorgeous DDs. I love them because they are my children not because of their gender.

Good luck with your new baby

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DurhamDurham · 04/10/2015 08:04

Hey sound very tactless and thoughtless.
I've got two girls and my sister has a boy and a girl. We all seem to love our children in equal amounts
I don't think most people think like your friends over wise we would all choose to have just the one baby. Everyone I know, bar one, has two or three children. You might be feeling emotional and sensitive at the moment but I'm not surprised that it has upset you.

ohmyeyebettymartin · 04/10/2015 08:05

Agree you need new friends.

They must be jealous I think. Either that or they are simply horrible, nasty people.

I have a DS and a DD and if I'm honest I feel a slightly closer bond with DS. We are simply more similar and I "get" him.

Still love DD to the moon and back though.

PotteringAlong · 04/10/2015 08:06

I have 2 boys, they're awesome. You're friends are knobs.

on your baby

SevenSeconds · 04/10/2015 08:06

Maybe they are TTC without success and are a bit jealous of you? Ignore their silly remarks and good luck with your pregnancy

weeblueberry · 04/10/2015 08:10

Maybe they are TTC without success and are a bit jealous of you?

This was my first thought. They're either ttc or are jealous and trying to deflect attention away from you. Personally I'd probably have made a catty comment but then I'm a bitch...

Strawclutching · 04/10/2015 08:19

I have a dd and am expecting an (unknown sex) baby. They are idiots.

Eminybob · 04/10/2015 08:30

I hate to admit that when I was pregnant I secretly hoped for a girl, thinking about the girly things we could so together.
DS (obviously) turned out to be a boy and I can't believe I ever felt that way. He's perfect, funny, gorgeous and we have a great bond. I couldn't imagine him any other way and I'm so so glad he's a boy.
But im sure if he'd turned out to be a girl I would have felt the same way.

Your friends are idiots, and rude.

AnnaMarlowe · 04/10/2015 08:36

They are talking abject nonsense.

And are unbelievably rude.

Don't spend at more time with them.

I have one of each. They are both completely fabulous. I'm just as close to me DS as my DD.

RiverTam · 04/10/2015 08:37

So what if they are ttc? I had to face up to not having a second child whilst all my NCT friends were on their 2nd pregnancies. That didn't mean I turned into a rude bitch. It might be a reason but it certainly isn't an excuse.

Original poster

swimmingupstreamagain · 04/10/2015 08:38

Thank you all. I feel much better now!

OP posts:

MiaowTheCat · 04/10/2015 12:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ohmyeyebettymartin · 04/10/2015 14:11

Miaow that's so ridiculous. "Short-changing the eldest"? What do they say to people who have twins?

Original poster

swimmingupstreamagain · 04/10/2015 23:27

Miaow and onlymyeye, I agree. To me, the best thing you can possibly give a child is a sibling. (Of course, this is just my opinion, and I don't go around saying it in front of people with only one child. Because I know how to behave!)

OP posts:

Notimefortossers · 05/10/2015 22:05

Agree your 'friends' are twats. It's exactly as you just put it - you know how to behave. We all have our opinions or preferences, but it's a bit more than impolite to voice them loudly infront of someone who has clearly gone the other way!
I admit I was worried when I found out my DC3 was a boy. I had two girls and was worried I'd feel differently about a boy - what a twat I was - I could NOT be more in love with him . . . I'm now pregnant with DC4 and it's the first time I've really had a preference . . . I'd like another boy. For two reasons really, the most important being to give my son a brother and secondly because my Grandad died recently and I'd like to be able to name him after him.

HOWEVER! I've done this enough times to know that IF I have a girl I'll love her every bit as much as the others and there are pros and cons to every situation. I'm sure if my boy grows up with 3 sisters it will make him the prized and handsome prince and he'll grow to be very understanding of women ;)

WorraLiberty · 05/10/2015 22:10

God they sound like a right pair of boring twats.

But I have to pick you up on this.... To me, the best thing you can possibly give a child is a sibling

Siblings are great but the best thing you can possibly give a child is food, love and stability.

StrawberrytallCake · 05/10/2015 22:18

Some people just pick up things other people say and then repeat them at any given opportunity. It sounds like one of those conversations where neither of them have to use their brains and just spout nonsense at each other.

They sound ignorant to me, both genders are wonderful and there is no difference in them other than the way they are brought up until outside influences occur. Unfortunately people who stereotype so vehemently are the reason for early gender gaps. You should buy their daughters some trucks and cars and see how they react

BondGate · 05/10/2015 22:18

They sound really, really, rude. Thoughtless at best and deliberately cruel at worst.

elliejjtiny · 05/10/2015 22:23

Your friends are really rude. I have 5 boys and they are all great. They are all very different. People always say that it must be all sport on the tv and muddy football kits in the wash basket all the time but it's not like that at all. DS1 likes a lot of the same tv programmes as me. I love watching tv with him. DS2 is my little drama queen. DS3 is really funny. DS4 loves to dance to cheesy music. DS5 will always be is still a baby at the moment, all cuddly and gorgeous.

RiverTam · 05/10/2015 22:28

Agree with Worra. I can't give my DD a sibling but I can give her all the love and stability and comfort in the world. I know you didn't mean it like that but reading your post was a bit of a punch in the stomach for me .

FishenNuggets · 05/10/2015 22:32

Exactly worra

Mehitabel6 · 05/10/2015 22:36

I would just smile, nod and ignore. Too silly to bother with.

Notimefortossers · 05/10/2015 22:37

Think you're nit picking there Worra. Like I said, we all have our opinions and I totally get where OP was coming from with that comment. I don't think food, love and stability should be gifts to our children - they should be a given. A sibling is a gift. I'm really sorry for you RiverTam, but you know OP didn't mean any offence as you said and the very fact you felt that way on reading her post says that you would like to give your DD a sibling if you could - it's not your fault that you can't - but that doesn't mean a sibling is not a gift. It can be difficult on here to always be mindful of who might be reading your post and what they might be going through. I'm sure if OP knew you, was sat in the same room as you and knew your situation she wouldn't have said that in front of you because she wouldn't have wanted to hurt your feelings - just as her friends shouldn't have said what they did in front of her

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