Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

stupid comments about gender preference

46 replies

swimmingupstreamagain · 04/10/2015 07:57

Hello.
Just need to rant.
I am heavily pregnant with no.2, and went out for dinner last night with friends. 2 other mothers of toddlers were there. Neither pregnant.
The two of them started having a discussion in front of me about how they were glad they didn't have another child on the way as they could give more attention to the first etc. etc.
I thought this was pretty rude but let it go. I am so very excited to have 2 lovely babies and feel so lucky to give my boy a brother or sister.
Anyway, they both have daughters whereas I have a son. Then they said that it was even more important not to have another yet because they have girls! Apparently it's different with girls, because you can be 'the girls', and they'd be worried about a boy 'coming between them'. They also said that girls act differently.
So they implied that my bond with my son is not as strong because he's a boy, reinforced lots of gender stereotypes which really bother me, and all in front of me.
I told them that having a toddler boy is every bit as wonderful as having a girl, and that they were stereotyping. I didn't tell them how rude I thought them.
Maybe you agree with them, not me, and writing this was a bad idea, but for now I feel better. I couldn't love my boy any more. To me he is perfect and couldn't possibly be better as a girl. I know I'll love the new baby just as much too, girl or boy.
Thanks for reading.

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

WorraLiberty · 05/10/2015 22:37

I've got 3 kids and I'm the youngest of 5.

But still, a sibling is nowhere near the best thing you can possibly give a child.

WorraLiberty · 05/10/2015 22:39

I know the OP didn't mean any offence by it.

But still, no-one has a child purely as a gift to the child they've already got.

You have a child because it's what the parents want.

Of course it can be brilliant for the child they already have, to have a sibling but it's certainly not a 'gift'.

However, you might be right that I'm nit picking. I don't know really.

FishenNuggets · 05/10/2015 22:40

My siblings haven't spoken in over 3 yrs. Its great when things work out between siblings but it by no means a guarantee

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

3rd trimester Families General parenting General pregnancy

Only1scoop · 05/10/2015 22:41

A sibling is not a 'gift'

It's a brother or sister.

WorraLiberty · 05/10/2015 22:46

If I had been presented to my older siblings as a 'gift', they would have asked for a refund and bought a trampoline

Notimefortossers · 05/10/2015 22:51

Lol!

Original poster

swimmingupstreamagain · 05/10/2015 22:54

I was a bit worried about posting that comment. Very sorry if it caused any offence. I won't backtrack or explain too much ad I don't want to dig a hole and would rather this thread were about the gender preference comments.
But it does go to show that you shouldn't make comments about other people's life choices/ situations as it's a delicate topic...
But thanks for all the comments on the thread. The rudeness and ignorance really bothered me and I am glad to see that most people would have felt the same.

OP posts:

Original poster

swimmingupstreamagain · 05/10/2015 23:12

and notimefortossers you put it all much better than I could, thank you.
Rivertam and worra, I didn't reply to my 'friends' that I personally feel that having siblings is usually a huge advantage (choosing my words carefully, but know that notime could do this better!) because, as I tried to say before, that would have been unkind/ impolite. I didn't say it even though I felt it and they were being impolite and unkind to me.
I understand that others feel differently about siblings. I don't understand gender preference so easily, hate gender stereotyping, and despise rudeness.

OP posts:

Only1scoop · 05/10/2015 23:20

I think your friends sound a bit immature to be honest.

As far as gender preference goes I'm going to be totally honest and yes a healthy baby is what really matters that said ....I was delighted to have a girl....and I feel very complete with my little family. Being entirely truthful I guess I did have a preference.

Maki79 · 05/10/2015 23:32

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the posters request.

Notimefortossers · 05/10/2015 23:34

I would say I had a preference towards girls before I had my boy, but now I love and enjoy him every bit as much as I do them

MiaowTheCat · 06/10/2015 07:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

FishenNuggets · 06/10/2015 09:32

I think both the gender preferences and sibling comments are on a par in terms of insensitivity. OK you so you didn't vocalise your opinion on siblings to your friends but you have written it on a parenting forum where lots of people will read it who only have one child.

This is why people have pulled you up on it. On the one hand you ask for validation that your friends' comments were insensitive (which they were) but on the other you think it's OK to be insensitive on a parenting forum about other people's choices/lack of choices (which it isn't).

BeStrongAndCourageous · 06/10/2015 09:46

What a load of tosh. I have one of each and they're both great.

I'm an only myself. That's great too

Original poster

swimmingupstreamagain · 06/10/2015 20:27

I don't think it's the same face-to-face as on a forum but I am sorry if I offended.

OP posts:

ParsleyCake · 06/10/2015 20:45

They are just being insensitive, saying that in front of you. I don't know about the 'girls' thing, but everyone has their own opinions. For me personally I was relieved I had a boy. I just thought I would get along better with a boy - sounds crazy I know but there you go.

As for the only child thing, I actually have the same opinion - but only for myself personally. I am not the type of person who usually enjoys being around children, and I'd be overwhelmed by more than one. I'm glad I only have one child so I can focus on him and give him all the attention he deserves. While other mothers are probably different, I honestly feel for me personally that I would be too tired and stressed out to be a good mum to more than one. Maybe they meant they same thing - as in they were talking about themselves personally not everyone in general.

geekymommy · 08/10/2015 19:58

The phrase "thick as a whale omelet" comes to mind for your friends...

LittleLionMansMummy · 09/10/2015 16:23

I used to worry what I'd do with a boy if I had one as my family were all girls and I'd never met a little boy that I liked. Then I had one! Love him to the moon and back and wouldn't change him for all the money in the world. I'm sure I'd have felt the same had he been a girl though. Sadly, no prospect of a sibling, whatever gender

ODog · 09/10/2015 21:27

I know mums of girls that have said similar stuff. Like, they can be satisfied with one because they have got their girl. Very odd. I personally think their daughters are quite dull. Not because they are girls but because their mothers treat them like China dolls to dress up and keep clean. I have a DS and am pregnant again but don't know the sex. I see it as a win either way. It would be nice to have one of each but also nice to have a little buddy for DS.

Siennasun · 09/10/2015 21:54

I don't think it's the same face-to-face as on a forum but I am sorry if I offended
If posters on here were reiterating what your friends said would you think that was ok? I think you are being hypocritical.

Original poster

swimmingupstreamagain · 10/10/2015 09:00

Yes I would think it were ok if an online poster had a different view to me. I don't expect everyone out there to think in the same way as me. That's what online forums are about, sharing views.
But I was there, pregnant, with my son. And they know me. I found their comments rude given the situation. And I happen to disagree with them.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2