Reins - yay or nay?

[ApplesTheHare]

Do/did reins help you?

DD is 12 months and a full on bolter. She can walk, run and climb stairs, but is too small to hold our hands or learn road safety. Would reins help?

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MNHQ

I use reins (I got the one that goes around the waist). I put it on her and we always hold hands, it's more of a precaution in case she bolts. Some people have very loud opinions on it but I consider my dd's safety more important than the opinions of the strangers. Every parent has to make their own call so do what you think is best.

My mum had an answer to the dog comments, by the way - she was on a council provision for under 5s committee (can't remember the exact name of it) and someone disparagingly said that about children "looking like dogs" on reins - she said to her "So you care more about your dog's safety than your child's, do you?" Shut the woman up, she didn't know where to look, tbh.

No one has said anything negative to me in the years I've used them, neither in the UK nor in Australia (they're a LOT less common over here!) - I've only ever had positive comments, if any.

We had the blue leather Winnie the Pooh ones 18 years ago too! DS1 was running at 9 months old and was tiny so really hard to hold hands without backache. I was also heavily pregnant with DS2 at the time so the reins were a godsend.

We still have them in the treasures box.

Classic Mumsnet, posters horrified at people judging reigns whilst judging pushchair use.

I understand the safety aspect of reigns. I don't judge anyone for using them to keep hold of their children but hate using them and it makes me cringe when I see people lifting their toddlers up with them.
DS1's friends mum always used them and her sons took ages to learn how to fall safely as she was forever hauling them up with the reigns. When ever they were off the reigns the ended up falling flat on their faces.

Thankfully DD, DS1 and DS3 were really good hand holders and never bolted. DS2 was a bolter but he also refused to walk with reigns or backpack on. He would just sit on the floor screaming and I'd have to carry him or put him in the buggy. I persevered for weeks but he never warmed to them and eventually learned how to take them off.

DS is 16m and is incredibly clumsy, a bolter, loves playing in roads and refuses point blank to hold hands. I use reins during the week when we're going places near roads but not generally somewhere safe like a shopping centre and we don't use them at the weekend as there are two of us for 'herding'

I would use them more often if DS didn't hate them.

Not judging pushchair use either, don't overgeneralise

DS1 only gave up using his pushchair when he was 4, by then he was only using it on big days out, primarily because I cannot carry him if he gets tired - DS2 still has a pushchair a lot of the time, I can see that carrying on until he's nearly 4 as well, for the same reasons.

The reins go on the toddler the minute we step out of the front door.

And they dont come off again until we get back in the house. And I will continue using them until the whole 'you WILL hold my hand' thing sinks in and is understood.

and atm attaching an extending dog lead seems like a Very Good Idea

They were useless for us. Dc just kept swinging on them rather than walking. Like walking with a mini-superman banging into your legs.

We did use them with the chair loops when there weren't child seats in cafe's. Very useful to stop a small child slipping off an adult seat.

I think I spent a lot of time in indoor shopping centres training dc to heel and come when called :)

Yes, my two year old is a bolter and I am more concerned about his safety than worrying what others think. I have only ever had one comment from a lady in the food hall at M&S to 'let him free' . He has loads of time to run around and let off steam when he is somewhere safe away from cars or crowded places where I could easily lose sight of him.

He is a nightmare for throwing tantrums when he doesn't want to walk with the reins on though, he will throw himself down or jump up and down. Sometimes I loop the rein through the harness so I can grab it if I need to. I have given up on Little Life backpacks as they're too much faff for a child who wants to constantly climb in and out of the pushchair, or sitting in high chairs/changing nappies etc. so I now have a cheap and cheerful set of reins from Boots.

Reins didn't help at all with DC2. He would allow all his weight to hang from the reins while he executed a crocodile death roll, which cut off all blood supply to my hand as I couldn't let go of the rapidly tightening reins...last time we tried there was some temporary nerve damage to my little finger too.
I never risked it again - just told him exactly what would happen if he didn't hold my hand and walk on the inside side of the footpath - must have been effective as he still holds my hand 5 years later.

"I wouldn't want to rely on reins, as in, not teach road safety, or how to walk together nicely,"

Why on earth would you imagine that people who use reins regularly don't teach road safety and how to walk together nicely? They're not mutually exclusive options, you know!

Both mine were hand-wrigglers at that young age (before 2), and both of them learnt not to be by the time they were out of reins, because if they persisted, then the reins went back on. Both of them learnt before they were 3 that cars squash you - DS2 is excellent at spotting cars from a huge distance and telling me "Car mummy, CAR!! SQUASH FLAT!"

I have to say though, there has been a bit of an attitude change on MN to reins over the years I've been here (7 at least) - when I was first on here, reins were mostly still derided, and attitudes such as "oh just teach them to hold hands/ walk nicely by your side" were rife, lots of people with no apparent experience of bolters/handwrigglers - these days, it's all a bit different, which I have to say I'm pleased about, if it means fewer road accidents involving young children.

I'm planning on getting a backpack one when my 9 month old starts walking. I don't want to have the hand holding battle with a very young toddler myself! Maybe around age 2.5-3 I'd be expecting more hand holding

We used them, even though DS was not a bolter. Just wanted to be on the safe side. I am so sorry to hear your story MrsPresley.
I think DS found it easier to walk on reins as he then had both hands free. Walking holding hands with a little one can be uncomfortable for both of us.
I wouldn't worry about the dog comments. After, people do love their dogs anyway!

So sorry MrsPresley for your loss. I think you are an amazing lady sharing your story to help others.
I wasn't sure what to think about rains but I have now ordered a pair for future use.
I don't think there is anything to be ashamed of.

I use reins for my 2.5 year old DD1 when we are somewhere busy or walking along side a road or similar, I also have a pushchair with me for DD2 so although she is a very good hand holder it just feels safer having her on reins if im by myself - she doesn't really need them, more of a safety reassurance thing for us both and she is fine with or with out them.

We use one of the little life backpacks and she loves having her 'bag' on

Do it! I bought them but DS would refuse to walk with them on. So it was buggy or hand holding (I used to let him hold my finger with my fingers and thumb around his wrist so he couldn't suddenly twist away). You do need an element of ultimate control if you're going to walk near busy roads.

I use them on my youngest. She would have been run over without them! She's a runner.

I could t care less what others think!