Reins - yay or nay?

[ApplesTheHare]

Do/did reins help you?

DD is 12 months and a full on bolter. She can walk, run and climb stairs, but is too small to hold our hands or learn road safety. Would reins help?

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MNHQ

"They're a bit arsey around here"

I really, really don't get why? Are they very stupid?

And who are 'they' and why do we give a fuck what 'they' think? Honestly, anyone trying to please everyone is onto a loser immediately. Just live your lives your way and stop giving consideration to random strangers.

I'm going to be utterly honest here and admit that I didn't like the idea of reins for my own dc. I don't know precisely why but suspect it's very closely linked to every single woman in my family (mother, aunt, grandmother and so on) being utterly judgmental about them at all times. I know logically, that they are an absolutely brilliant, life-saving resource with not a single thing to detract from them. However, when I had my dc, I really flipping hoped I wouldn't need them because I lived in fear of the constant dog comments.

My first was utterly biddable. She walked nicely, never bolted and held hands nicely. It also helped that until she was 3, we lived on a farm in the middle of nowhere and there was little risk.

Then we had ds, born in a busy market town and walking at 8 months. He was a stubborn, dangerous little oik. He liked to run. In any direction available, at top speed and with no awareness whatsoever of his surroundings. He was a total menace. I borrowed some reins. And he hung on them like a puppet, squawking and shouting "nooooooooooooo it hurts" like I was murdering him while aforementioned female family members shook their heads and congratulated themselves on just knowing that they were a terrible invention. I persevered for weeks. DS continued screaming and writhing like they were made from snakes.

I had to be really hard line in the end. I took the reins away and imposed absolutely strict rules. If he did not hold hands at all times, we turned round and went home/cancelled our trip out/cancelled a treat. I was totally rigid about it. We progressed to if you do not stop when you reach x lampost, same thing. No leeway. Straight home with no arguing. It worked in the end and he learned to be a good walker and to abide by the rules. But you know what, I ended up wishing he'd used reins as it would have been easier and a swift two fingers to the rest of my family.

Use reins. Absolutely use reins. And positively enjoy any criticism in the hope it's my ruddy grandmother. Try and have a dummy on show too. You'll know it's her when she spontaneously combusts as a direct result of your sensible life choices.

I have a 17month old bolter in a busy suburb. Reins are fantastic. I'd much prefer she walked nicely holding hands but she doesn't, and she loves her backpack!

Use reins and ignore the judgers. If I was going to be judgemental about anyone it'd be someone who makes a small child hold hands for a long time - walk about your house for half an hour with your arm up and see how comfortable that it! You can bet your bottom dollar the judgey ones will judge even worse if your child bolts into the road!

I've used them occasionally for walking (and lots as a harness in my old fashioned Silver Cross) but I have had 4 biddable/good walkers. A friend who had a bolter used to put them under the pushchair (which had her DC2) in it and the reins went straight on the 3.6 year old if she made a run for it. She was still having to use them at 4.6...

I can't understand why they don't so extendable ones just like dog leads so that you can give them more freedom when it is safe and less when it is not...

I wouldn't want to rely on reins, as in, not teach road safety, or how to walk together nicely, but we live near a big main road so they definitely come in very useful! I try not to use them to control DD, and instead encourage her to hold hands and walk with me, but it's very good to know they are there as back up as I have had to use them quite a bit.

Ungrateful I'm hoping to use reins like you do when DD gets to that stage, as a back up to learning road safety and holding hands. How old is your DD?

Reins are great for a stage, but they're just part of the process from being able to walk bolt to understanding when not to.
With DD2 (22mo) I use the pushchair or a back-carry sling when I need total control (walking round a steam engine shed at the weekend), reins when a bit of freedom is fine but we're close to a road for example, but take the "lead" bit off once we make it to the park or whatever.
We often achieve holding hands at the same time as reins but it's not yet reliable.

I used reins as I had twins and one of them was a bolter who wouldn't hold my hand.
I think there was a comment once from some Greek bird at the bus station about how the children were 'like dogs', but tbh I thought this was prefer ble to DS being under a bus.

I use one of the backpack reins with 21 month old DD.
She absolutely will not hold hands. Not for a single second.
I'm hoping in a few months I can get her to hold hands whilst still having the reins on, but for now I'd rather use the reins than have her in the pushchair all the time.

ARockNRollNerd My DD's the same, won't hold hands AT ALL, not even trying to walk down stairs or anything. My sister was horrified that I've bought reins and said "just put her in the pushchair" but I'd much rather let her walk than be strapped in all the time!

The only time I've heard anything negative about reins is from family in the USA. My aunt likes the little life rucksacks but didn't take any back for her grandkids because they would be frowned on.

Me, I used to say "walkies!" when mine had reins. And I spot a lot of tiny kids who should be on reins. I often see a mum of toddler twins walking along, she's there smiling indulgently as they skip along next to the road. I can't bear to watch . She's American actually, maybe that's why she won't use reins. Boils my piss anyway.

We use reins for DS2 (2 years). I usually twist the strap around my wrist and hold his hand at the same time - as a pp said, toddlers can sometimes wiggle their hand free at the wrong time, so the strap's there as a back-up.

The reins we have let you unclip the strap fairly easily at the back, so when we're going to parks etc where it's safe for DS2 to run around, it's easy enough to just clip / unveil so the strap bit's only on when we're near roads / car parks / rivers etc.

And I couldn't care less if anyone were to get judgy about it. I care a lot more about keeping DS2 safe around roads etc when he's too young to understand how to keep himself safe. He's got a lot more freedom in reins than permanently strapped into a pushchair too.

I had a bolter too - first dd - she did run out of a park into the path of a car. I was 8 months pregnant and couldn't catch her. The car had a learner driver in it - dual control - and the instructor slammed on the brake. I used reins a lot more after that. Didn't need them with the next two, different personalities. Not worth the risk. Use them if you need to.

My bolter is still fearless in her 20s - travelling all over the world solo ATM. I have to learn to detach - no more control over her movements

I used reins/wrist straps until DS was old enough to express his views on them....at which point he insisted that he would much prefer to have a lead like our dogs! I probably got a few stares walking down the road with two dogs and a toddler all on leads (his was always clipped to the belt loop of his trousers) but he was happy and safe so I could not have cared less! He thought it was hilarious to be 'let off the lead' when we got to the park/fields and would clip himself back on when it was time to go home

MrsPresley again, . I remember when you posted your story in 2013. I was debating reins at the time and we became the proud possessors of a ladybird back pack that very day. My DD2 now uses it too.

Your story is also the reason I won't let the DDs (3 & 2) on their scooters on a busy road near our house. I can't understand people who do as it is another tragedy just waiting to happen.

You'll use them for a fairly short time OP, and they do provide that extra bit of comfort. They're part of our routine - DD2 puts it on leaving the house ('helping' do up the catch) and then as soon as we get into the park, it comes off and off she runs. She's a bolter, and she's stubborn, but she likes it as it's part of her routine.

I actually can't stand seeing toddlers running along the pavement without reins! We have the rucksack type and put the loop around our wrists while we hold DD's hand. We take them off in safe places like the park but definitely use them by the road.
MrsPresley's story just reminded me why they are so important and brought tears to my eyes.

Reins are so good. My friends grandson recently had his foot run over because he jumped in the gutter to get the puppy. So lucky they managed to miss hitting him.

Now my little one is two they have gone from being useful to catch her before she falls over to just being an extra backup if she decides to let go my hand and loose her concentration near the road. In the park she runs along without them. I just don't quite trust her near cars enough, 'what if' why take the risk.

I never knew anyone judged you for it! all my friends seem to use them for their children or else hold their children's hands.

Yay to reins, my DD has these ones and loved them so much she won't let me send them to the charity shop even though she's far too old for them. I often got stopped by other mums wanting to know where I got them, never heard any judgy comments.

I think there is more judgement on people NOT using reins, on mumsnet! Do what you want :)

The judgement drives me crazy. I cannot understand any argument at all in favour of not using them! I had them for my DS and had a few negative comments. One in particular was when I was out walking my dog and had DS in reins, I passed a couple of women who shook their heads at me and as I passed, one said to the other 'Honestly, does she think she's got a couple of dogs there?' Unfortunately I couldn't think quickly enough at the time, so said nothing. I wish I had though. My dog is precious to me, my DS is obviously even more so, I keep the dog on a lead to keep him safe and stop him running off, so why on earth would I not do the same for my son?! It doesn't mean that he also drinks from a water bowl on the floor in the kitchen and gets fed dog kibble! although he is quite partial to sleeping in the dogs bed

I love the reins I bought for Ds1, that I then also used for Ds2. DS1 loved them too - he knew if he got them on, then he got to walk and explore, and that if he fell, I'd catch him before he hit the ground.

I used them regularly until he would hold my hand properly without trying to wriggle free - I guess he was around 2.5- 3 when that happened - but I kept them in my bag for much longer in case he played up. I used them for when we went to the UK (I took him on my own) in the airport, to stop him disappearing off - and I used them when we were near a river in the UK and he was being silly on the bank. I think he was just over 4 the last time they were used on him!

Then Ds2 - he actually liked to have them on, he would ask to have them, again because he knew it meant he could walk and I'd catch him without falling. He hasn't worn them for some time now while out walking (he's nearly 3) but I still have them in my bag.

They also have another use, because of the detachable strap - when you're at a restaurant, they can be used if there is no harness on the chair/highchair that you have to use - I just put the reins harness on him, detach one end, wrap it round the chair back a couple of times so that he can't climb out but isn't fully tightly restrained, then clip it back in.

I bought mine from Boots, 7+ years ago - like these ones except mine are orange and bright turquoise - and they've stood the test of time really well.

I have no patience with the concept that they're somehow a bad thing - I'd far rather keep my child safe (and remember MrsPresley's tragic story very very well - for you) and sod what anyone else thinks.

I'm also less of a fan of the backpack variety, ditto the wrist straps - part of the value of reins for me was preventing my sons having nasty falls while learning to walk - they'd still trip, but not fall because I had the reins looped round my hand. Also saved my back, because I didn't have to bend to hold their hands to stop them falling.