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Original poster

Engagement announced on social media

36 replies

EJQuirky · 06/09/2015 16:10

DS (21) has got engaged to his GF (18) and she announced this on Facebook before either one of them told me. As a result, I found out when a colleague offered me their congratulations. I PM'd them both (as I was still at work) to say that their actions had hurt my feelings, as surely, me and her mother should have been amongst the first to know?! DS has since apologised and said he understands why this would hurt my feelings. The young woman in question has not and she continues to write posts on Facebook saying things like "it's up to me how I live my life, not anyone else". I was close to this young woman (or so I thought) and I'm thinking of asking for an apology outright.... thoughts please....

OP posts:

Sirzy · 06/09/2015 16:18

Let it go. If they are going to get married do you really want to create an issue over something so small?

I can understand why you are frustrated but sometimes you jus have to be the bigger person and move on.

AnnieOnAMapleLeaf · 06/09/2015 16:20

Let it go. Neither of them owe you an apology. They announced it the way they wanted to announce it. Just because you don't agree with how they did it does not mean they owe you an apology.

derektheladyhamster · 06/09/2015 16:20

Move on - you've got a new DIL! - don't rock the boat over something as insignificant as this

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jorahmormont · 06/09/2015 16:21

Perhaps she thought that, as your son, DS would have told you and she told her own mum? It sounds like you're angrier at her than you are at your DS.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 06/09/2015 16:23

I wouldn't be happy either, but it's the way "the young" do things these days.
Suck it up and don't spoil your relationship with your new DIL

mmmuffins · 06/09/2015 16:24

I can understand that you wish you had been told personally. Besides being a bit tactless, they haven't actually done anything wrong, and you certainly shouldn't be asking for an apology!

Original poster

EJQuirky · 06/09/2015 16:29

I'm just being a bit old fashioned then really... I just thought that big news should be broken to family before it pops up on social media.

OP posts:

EnglishWeddingGuest · 06/09/2015 16:30

Can understand feeling hurt - but you should let it go - 18 year olds are trying to prove they are "adults" and (some not all) tend to reject any form of opinion or view (especially from parents) believing it an assault on their right to "live their life as they choose" or take it as criticism of their choices

Play the long game here - aim to build a relationship - never critisize or offer an opinion unless asked - support everything they do even if you disagree

Most children don't really see their parents views are valid or legitimate until they are about 25 years old

Secondtimeround75 · 06/09/2015 16:30

I would hope for better but not create a fuss.
They are the social media generation, 100 likes & comments are more exciting .

MrsBojingles · 06/09/2015 19:36

Let it go. My mum put my engagement on Facebook practically before I even knew about it. It's just the excitement of the moment. They are young, they will grow up soon enough.

MrsLeighHalfpenny · 06/09/2015 19:54

I think we pretty much all agree with you EJ, but we're also all saying it's not worth ruining your relationship over. Your son has apologised. Let it go.

Pneumometer · 06/09/2015 20:03

I'm thinking of asking for an apology outright

Suppose she says "No". What's your next move? Move on.

TiredOfPeople · 07/09/2015 06:57

She'll probably be having your grandkids one day. Don't rock the boat. She's just young and a bit stupid and didn't think.

patienceisvirtuous · 07/09/2015 07:01

I'd be hacked off too, but going by her comments on FB you're unlikely to get an apology. Your son has acknowledged your feelings though so that's good.

As everyone else says, just let it go now...

Koalafications · 07/09/2015 07:01

I would be pretty peeved at that too, but I agree that the best thing to do is just to let it go.

It's not worth fighting over.

Ememem84 · 07/09/2015 07:02

My mil announced our engagement on Facebook. And also got the wrong idea about why I wasn't drinking a while ago and announced that I was pregnant. I wasn't.

This is why I'm slowly going off Facebook.

mumblechum1 · 07/09/2015 07:04

Also remember that at 18 & 21 there's a strong chance they'll never make it to the alter or was it just me who had quite a collection of engagement rings when I was young

Zort · 07/09/2015 07:09

Perhaps she thought your son would have told you.

propergood · 07/09/2015 07:18

going to go against the majority and say i agree with you.

had a similar thing happen to me. my parent announced on social media they were engaged before telling me. I was gutted. This wasn't an absent parent, one that had had a very active regular role in my life.

I don't really like facebook but the convenience of keeping in touch with friends (i live overseas) keeps me on it.

ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 07/09/2015 07:20

They are 18 and 21. Do you really think they will get married?

tribpot · 07/09/2015 07:29

I think you were right to tell them you were hurt not to have been told in advance of social media - I've occasionally seen the over-excited pregnancy announcement on Facebook followed by members of the family posting 'WTF, I'm finding out from Facebook??'

However, if they choose to lack any kind of good sense about this there's nothing you can do, you have said your piece (perhaps you should have done so on Facebook, arf) and you'll need to move on.

wankerchief · 07/09/2015 07:29

Let it go.
They are young, silly and excited.
If she does end up marrying your son and you want to continue to have a good relationship with them and be in their lives then let it go.

Put it down to teen silliness

Highlove · 07/09/2015 07:31

I'd be upset by that. And my parents would have been dreadfully upset to hear about my engagement via FB.

She sounds immature even for an 18yo. But as others have said, let's be honest - there's a very good chance the wedding will never happen. For now though, annoying though it is, I think you need to move on. It's not worth the battle...someone needs to be the grown-up here!

InternationalEspionage · 07/09/2015 07:37

YANBU, it is appallingly rude and disrespectful in my opinion. Your son sounds lovely by the way. Let it go and don't alienate him under any circumstances.

I was engaged at 23. Obviously broke it off when I realised I was way too young to know what the beck I wanted. Hope it all works out for your family, just saying that engagement doesn't necessarily lead to marriage....

YonicScrewdriver · 07/09/2015 07:49

You have had an apology, from the person who owes it to you, ie your DS.

Why is your colleague friends with your DS on FB?

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