Engagement announced on social media

[EJQuirky]

DS (21) has got engaged to his GF (18) and she announced this on Facebook before either one of them told me. As a result, I found out when a colleague offered me their congratulations. I PM'd them both (as I was still at work) to say that their actions had hurt my feelings, as surely, me and her mother should have been amongst the first to know?! DS has since apologised and said he understands why this would hurt my feelings. The young woman in question has not and she continues to write posts on Facebook saying things like "it's up to me how I live my life, not anyone else". I was close to this young woman (or so I thought) and I'm thinking of asking for an apology outright.... thoughts please....

Incidentally, are you sure the "up to me" passive aggressive posts are at you? She probably has hundreds of FB friends, maybe one of them wants her to go skating and she doesn't want to go...,

I can see why you would find it wrong/upsetting/whatever.

But you can only bring up your own DC. You have to accept his fiancée as she is.

But a word to your DS about how you'd like to hear his major news directly from him is definitely in order.

Why is it unlikely they will marry at aged 18and 21. We were married before 21 it isn't that strange!

When you next see her, congratulate her. Say that you're old fashioned and thought family might know first, but you're happy for them both. When shes matured, she'll understand. You don't need an apology. Carry on as normal.

When you PM'd your future DIL to tell her off, did you actually say congratulations as well?

Why did you use FB to contact her about something important? Why not ring your DS when you got home?

That would have put my back right up, TBH, if my future MIL told me off instead of congratulating me. I certainly wouldn't be rushing to say I was the one in the wrong and if I was asked for an apology that her son had already given, I would ask for one right back.

Thanks all.... I Pm'd her with a light-hearted 'hey, hey hey, I haven't seen the ring yet :-)' and got an immediate response, including an apology for not telling me in person before social media. I have now seen the ring. All is well with the world. Crack on!

And, yes, they are very young, but I married at 20 (since divorced) so I always respected their right to make their own decisions (whilst secretly hoping for a long engagement)

Glad there's a happy ending OP, your pm sounds very tactful and sounds like you've got the response you were hoping for. Is the ring nice? :)

I got engaged at 18 and my parents said they were hoping for a long engagement. Three years on and sure enough, we still haven't set a date for a wedding... but I did get pregnant within a year of getting engaged, so be careful what you wish for

Oh that's gteat OP! Well handled! I have to say I would've been hurt too but glad it's sorted

Id be hurt too dd got engaged told us then other family members then put it on facebook . Tbh there is nothing you can do abput it now it was such a thoughtless thing to do but leave it now. Could be worse myfriend found out she was going to be a granny on facebook complete with scan picture

Well seeing i didnt read on glad its sorted out Fb is so instant she probably got over excited.