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Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

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Original poster

gay parenting

40 replies

climbingrose · 11/05/2004 10:50

Hi I am a gay mum and would be interested to hear from anyother gay mums on this site. There must be some surely??

I have a ds to whom I am just explaining his "story" to..

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

NomDePlume · 11/05/2004 11:03

Hi climbingrose, welcome to mumsnet. You are right, you're not the only gay parent on this site ! There are one or 2 around, the one who springs to mind firstly is Dot1. She and her DP(partner) have recently had a new baby and so I wouldn't be surprised if she misses this thread ! They also have a little boy of around 2 or 3, I think.

Best of luck and welcome again !

Original poster

climbingrose · 11/05/2004 11:10

Hi NomDePlume

Great to hear from you

I hope to hear from DOt1 aswell our son is 2 and we are trying for another

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NomDePlume · 11/05/2004 11:18

Have you tried looking for a parenting forum on www.gay.com ? They have a 'families' section which may be of help to you.

Best of luck with your next 'project'

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

NomDePlume · 11/05/2004 11:20

My husband will wonder what the blimmin' 'eck is going on if he checks the history on this pc, now !!!!

Original poster

climbingrose · 11/05/2004 11:28

Thanks I will have a look - you are very informed!

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NomDePlume · 11/05/2004 11:30

Ahhhh, secrets of a mis-spent youth, my dear

motherinferior · 11/05/2004 11:41

Ruth21 is another lesbian mother, who had her baby a while ago. Doesn't post much these days.

Original poster

climbingrose · 11/05/2004 12:12

arh NomDePlume visitor perhaps...

off to see what potty training advice is on here..

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NomDePlume · 11/05/2004 13:35

I have paid the odd visit from time to time, before 'making my mind up', as my Nanna would say !

californiagirl · 11/05/2004 16:20

Not a gay mum, but have always threatened to get a T-shirt made that says "I take after my dad, I sleep with men" He came out when I was older, though. Still, I have some insight into the kid's side of the story.

hercules · 11/05/2004 16:36

Not a gay mum either but welcome to mumsnet!

SueW · 11/05/2004 17:44

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at OP's request.

2babies · 11/05/2004 17:52

Not a gay mum either, but welcome to mumsnet.
Californiagirl, everything you post is cracking me up today.

bundle · 11/05/2004 18:03

hi climbingrose, i'm not a gay mum either, but live near you so if you make it to any of the meetups, hopefully i can introduce you to my two girls

Original poster

climbingrose · 12/05/2004 13:53

Hey great so get some more responses

Bundle - do u meet up regularly ?

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Sparks · 12/05/2004 14:19

Hi climbingrose. I am a gay mum, though I mostly lurk on MN. My dd is now 5 and very happily tells everyone that she has 2 mums. The "story" she knows is about how you need an egg from a woman and some seeds from a man to make a baby. A very kind man gave us some seeds to help make her.

The Donor Conception Network has some good material. We have the book 'My Story' though it isn't exactly dd's story, she loves reading it all the same.

Original poster

climbingrose · 12/05/2004 15:58

Hi Sparks

do u ever attend a meetup?

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susanmt · 12/05/2004 17:10

Also not a gay mum, but my sister is currently trying to figure out how to become one!

Welcome to MN and hope you manage to meet the other gay mums on the site, as well as the rest of us !

californiagirl at your t-shirt!

Earlybird · 13/05/2004 00:08

Hi climbingrose - not a gay mum, but am a single mum who conceived via annonymous donor insemination. Like sparks, I have joined the Donor Conception network. It offers lots of advice about how to explain things to your children. DD knows that there are all sorts of families, and ours just happens to have a mummy and a donor who gave us his "special seeds". I have thought alot about how to explain this to dd, and am comfortable with my answer, and I believe that ease is transmitted to dd.

Also would encourage you to check out an American group called Single Mothers By Choice. Very easy to find if you do a google search. Not geared for straight or gay mums particularly, but is aimed at alternative families of all sorts. You can read up, and then adjust the explanations/scenarios to fit your situation. The founder of the group is a single mum herself, and a psychotherapist. She has also written a book, which I have found to be a valuable reference. Good luck. How old is your ds?

motherinferior · 13/05/2004 19:56

Susanmt, there is a thread somewhere on the conception board about just this. Dot1 posted a very informative response.

Not a gay mum myself either, but have loads of lesbian mother friends!

dot1 · 13/05/2004 21:57

Hi Climbingrose! Yes, I nearly missed this thread as our 5 week old ds is keeping us very busy at the moment!

dp and I have been together for 12 years and have a 2 year old ds and 5 week old ds. We used a friend of dp as a donor - thought it through for about a year and then dp and I took turns to try to get pregnant (via the old yoghurt pot and syringe method!) - she got pregnant on her second go! Then I started trying about 18 months ago - with the same donor. Our agreement is that he's on the birth certificates and everyone knows he's their daddy - including of course both ds1 and 2, but he doesn't get involved in bringing them up - although he lives close by and we see him quite regularly.

We often tell ds1 the story of how he was made - that Mummies love each other and wanted a baby, so we asked daddyA to help us and he said yes. We explain that some daddies live with their children and some don't - that some help look after them and some don't. We then say that we wanted a little brother or sister for him, and so asked daddyA to help us again.

Hope this helps - and good luck with trying for another -although my dp (she posts as Juno) is saying DON'T DO IT - but that's just sleep deprivation talking - we'd forgotten just how hard the first few weeks are..!

Have you used someone you know with your ds? Friends of ours went to a sperm bank and are now trying for a second baby - pros and cons with each method - we're lucky in that our donor didn't suddenly want lots of involvement - but we knew him well enough to know that being around small children is the last thing he'd enjoy..!

squirmyworm · 13/05/2004 22:15

welcome climbingrose - trying to get my sister to post here as she is pg with her second and a gay mum...lovely to hear from you anyway. hope we speak again

Original poster

climbingrose · 14/05/2004 14:15

Hi Dot1

COngratulations on the birth of ds2. We used a friend as a donor which worked out ok but his family now want to play active role and he is seeking more "parental involvement" and it is a bit complex. We are using someone else for no.2.

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dot1 · 14/05/2004 15:03

climbingrose - that's the risk with using someone you know isn't it - all very tricky... We really wanted our children to always know who their father was - where they came from - I don't think we would ever have gone down the sperm bank route because of this - but the risk is the donor (or family) wanting involvement - I hope it's going OK for you and not getting too stressful. Are you and your dp taking it in turns to get pregnant, or one of you having all the kids?! Dp and I originally thought we'd want 3, but have now probably changed our minds and will stick at 2 - although I'm already thinking maybe the newborn stage isn't so bad and we could do it again...! I hated being pregnant (although I'd wanted to be for years...)and she loved it, so she'd definitely have any more - but I think it probably won't happen. As our two are biologically half brothers I've been trying to look for any similarities so far - and can't see any! ds1 is blonde, quiet and hates music, ds2 is very dark, very vocal - even at this early age (in a way that ds1 never was) and loves music - it really calms him down! Fascinating how different they are already - and what similarities will spring up..!

Have you had support from yours and your dp's families? We've been lucky in that both sets of grandparents treat both ds's as their own grandchildren, and we live near them so there's babysitting on hand. Took one grandma a while to get used to the whole idea, but now the kids are here everyone's on board.

Original poster

climbingrose · 14/05/2004 16:53

without boring the pants off everyone it has been a bit of a nightmare - he threatened to issue proceedings against us at one stage which was just crazy as he sees our ds every other saturday sometimes more. DP is trying this time but I would like another as well....glutton for punishment ! Our families are supportive but all live far away and my mother can't quite get her head around the set up or why we dont want our donor being a full time dad. We have a couple of friends who have used known donors and they also have had probs albeit different. It sounds like u are part of the lucky few.

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