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Original poster

being a Mum to 2 boys

63 replies

belhamwalk · 02/09/2015 15:03

Hey everyone... I am 3 weeks away from baby number 2's due date and the stupid sonographer let it slip that I'm having another boy. I feel like this has plunged me into depression! I really wanted a girl. I'm certain I only want two kids max so that means I will never be mother to a girl. No beautiful female to pass all my worldly feminist knowledge. I'm so upset!! I love my DS1 but can't get into the idea of two little boys tearing around. Somebody please give me some good points about being mother to two boys!!! TIA

OP posts:

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pearlgirl · 02/09/2015 17:56

I have 4 boys and love it - ds4 is currently curled up beside me playing with his models and having snuggles. All 4 of mine have had their moments but I am sure that had any of them been girls that would have happened as well.
They are cheerful, helpful friendly boys and young men (range in age from 5 to 17). The older ones are very clear about what having a baby in the house entails and are fabulous with the youngest - they are his heroes.
The older three are close in age (had three under four for 4months) and as little ones always played together, would build dens together etc and they still enjoy each other's company.
I had always thought I would have a daughter and if I am honest did have a bit of a weep when I realised that wasn't going to be the case - but I am so grateful to be the mum of these four amazing enchanting boys that it doesn't cross my mind anymore.

MTWTFSS · 02/09/2015 18:00

Is it likely you will ever have any nieces?

I know it definitely isn't the same as having your own daughter so I'm sorry for your loss :(

ffffffedup · 02/09/2015 18:06

Been there felt that bought the t shirt. I was gutted on my 1st 2 pregnancies that they were boys as I really wanted a girl to the point where I didn't speak for days more so with ds2 as I didn't think I'd have any more. However when he arrived I was besotted with him and now ds1&2 are best mates although they torment the life out of each other.
Fast forward 5 years and ds3 comes along, this time I was glad it was another boy and not a girl. Being a mum to 3 boys is great I know they'll always look out for their old mum tbh girls seem like really hard work

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RockingStones · 02/09/2015 18:08

I have 4 sons (no daughters) and they are wonderful. AND they all get on fairly well most of the time. They do all have a warm and caring relationship. Eldest is 25 now. It was huge fun when they were all little, though hard work, like being part of my own little gang. Or at least being on the periphery of my own little gang. Which is how parenting should be IMO. I'm their mother, not their mate, though they do love their mammy it seems too.

The day ds2 was born I had a scan (or the week before? too many scans!), was daft enough to ask the sonographer what she said about the baby's sex. She said she THOUGHT it was a girl (these things are notoriously inaccurate) and I got into my head I was having a girl. When the boy was born I wept and was really sad for a bit, a few days. It is all a blur now as he was ill and I am sure that my feelings were all wrapped up in that confusion too. With the others I was actually pleased to have boys. I love my boys soo much. Can you tell?

OP, I am sorry you are sad. Just give yourself time to get used to the new reality. I wish you well.

Fatrascals · 02/09/2015 18:20

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bloated1977 · 02/09/2015 18:21

MTWTFSS you say sorry for your loss. The OP hasn't lost anything She's going to be the mum of 2 boys. She should be grateful to have any children. I have 2 boys who I adore. One of my friends would kill to be able to have a boy...she has suffered so many miscarriages she is going to give up!

Rarity08 · 02/09/2015 18:22

I have a mixed bag, 2ds's and 3 dd's. Ds1 very calm, loved art, sat and drew/painted, loves literature. Ds2 and dd1 very much partners in crime, both very boisterous and sporty, needed lots of exercise, not so keen on sitting down quietly pursuits.Dd's 2&3 are twins, like to sit and play together, very similar to ds1 in personality as in love art, reading etc. They're all very individual characters despite also sharing some similarities, none of which is related to their gender.
As for being tidy/picking things up, all of them have left crap all over the place, regardless of their sex!

Sylviecat · 02/09/2015 18:35

It is great! Yes they are obsessed with poo but so is our 4 yr old niece. You also won't fall into the trap of expecting the girl to be the helpful one. We're training our boys to be helpful around the house.. They love loading the dishwasher for example as we exclaim how heavy the door is and how strong they are (realise they won't always be this easily fooled! Also hope I'd still tell a girl how strong she was if I had a daughter!)

Yes girls clothes are lovely. But my 2 boys in their little dungarees With muddy faces - adorable.

PluS my dh and his brother are so close despite having having different personalities. They have loads of private jokes etc and most importantly both adore their mum.

MrsFrankRicard · 02/09/2015 18:36

I'm a mum of 2 fantastic, lovely boys. Having 2 the same means that they tend to be closer friends, fab to watch. Don't listen to the nonsense about girls being easier, in my experience this really isn't the case. And nowadays you get such beautiful baby boy clothes that I actually think are often cuter than baby girls stuff, you just have to shop around a bit.

My DS1 is really sensitive, always thinks about other people, loves going out with mummy for a cinema date or for cakes etc. You won't miss out on anything except for maybe wedding dress shopping but meh! Was easy to potty train too if that helps

MissBattleaxe · 02/09/2015 18:55

That varies according to gender. I know little girls who are much harder work and boys who are quite gentle. All children can be a handful, gender is not always the reason.

Sorry, I meant to say that doesn't vary according to gender. For every noisy boisterous boy I know an equally noisy boisterous girl. Gender very often has little to do with it.

Many women I know who have teenage daughters are treated appallingly by them and barely see them, so the shopping/eating cake/swapping make up fantasy has gone by the wayside.

BertieBotts · 02/09/2015 18:59

My 6yo boy likes sitting in cafes and discussing worldly issues :) Perhaps not both at the same time, yet. It will come! Don't worry. I imagine that your DS1 must be around two or three, possibly four? They LOVE the sound of their own voices and being generally insane at that age, boys or girls, and are totally unlikely to be interested in any part of a cafe unless it is the one in the corner of Soft Play, and then only to gaze longingly at the electric blue slush puppies and sweets.

SurlyCue · 02/09/2015 19:02

No beautiful female to pass all my worldly feminist knowledge.

Beautiful males can make great feminists too. I plan to make two brilliant ones out of my boys.

WorldsBiggestGrotbag · 02/09/2015 19:03

My 22 month old girl has never sat still for more than a minute in her life, except when she broke her leg launching herself off a climbing frame. She is loud, boisterous and needs exercising like a dog (I literally take her to a field and throw balls for her to run off some energy!). I've never actually met a toddler girl who is happy to sit quietly and read books all day .
I also have an 8 week old girl and am looking forward to seeing who she will become, as I doubt she will conform to stereotypes either.

VashtaNerada · 02/09/2015 19:08

I've heard people say that boys are louder, more boisterous and generally harder work than girls, but IME they tend to not have children of their own or their children are all grown up and they've forgotten the early stages. My DD is utterly wild!

VashtaNerada · 02/09/2015 19:09

Aside from the gender stereotypes though, it is normal to worry about DC2 and whether you'll love them enough. Seriously don't worry, you just haven't got to know him yet, you'll adore him when you have

Fallstar · 02/09/2015 19:14

I have two wonderful boys, who are now grown up. Both are feminists. They have very different personalities and I love being with them separately and together.

One was trickier than the other as a toddler but that was because he had difficulties with communication, not because he was a boy. Neither was more boisterous than other children as far as I noticed, although they both had their moments! I've enjoyed every stage with them.

Congratulations on your second pregnancy and enjoy your lovely children.

RickOShay · 02/09/2015 19:15

2 boys and one girl. I adore them all, but if I had to chose only one gender to have it would be boys.

Original poster

belhamwalk · 02/09/2015 19:15

Oh my god - i'd never thought about being 'the mother in law!' Funnily enough i don't care about wedding dress shopping (I'm not married) or spa days. Maybe those are good things - i won't have to go shopping for clothes with a teenage girl!
Cant stand the idea of hanging around in the freezing cold watching football. I'll have to get them both into contemporary dance. Or martial arts. Those things take place in a heated dojo/gym don't they?
Well, he's coming soon whether I like it or not. :(

OP posts:

Snowfilledsky · 02/09/2015 19:17

I have two boys and never ever wanted a girl. It's great. One is quiet and sensitive and prone to overthinking and worry, one er, isn't.

I don't feel like i have missed out on a thing.

grumpysquash · 02/09/2015 19:23

I have two boys (14 and 9) and have never stood around watching football. They both hate it. They swim, play musical instruments, love all things computer based and hang out with friends. They don't even watch football (or any sport) on the telly.

Snowfilledsky · 02/09/2015 19:30

My two DS both love watching and playing football. Met some lovely people through it, lots of social events, go to the pub after training etc. Days out at summer tournaments sitting in the sun eating picnics and visiting the beer tent.

We have also on and off been involved in karate/golf/trampolining/swimming.

MrsFrankRicard · 02/09/2015 20:43

I must admit, I am quite often stood at the side of a football pitch these days, however DH will take him when he can as he enjoys watching. When I go though I tend to just speak to the other mums. And lots of little girls also play football now. I wouldn't fancy watching ballet etc much either tbh.

ffffffedup · 02/09/2015 21:28

I love watching my ds play football every week it's so much more interesting and exciting than watching football on TV which I absolutely hate, I love it because I love watching him enjoying something that makes him happy not nessessarily because it's football

KathyBeale · 02/09/2015 21:41

Another MoB here. I never imagined having a son, let alone two! I adore my boys but I have to admit I am finding it trickier as they get older as all their interests are fun things they share with Daddy, and I'm fast becoming the one who nags/cleans/organises.

Of course this could happen with girls too, I guess, and it's down to me to be fun too and not just grumpy mummy.

I was desperate for another baby - boy or girl, I genuinely didn't mind - but sadly got an early menopause instead.

You will love your little boy and I think it's fine to always be sad about the daughter you never had. I always feel a bit sorry for people who only have girls too because boys are so lovely. Am v envious of people who have one of each (like my mum!).

GasLIghtShining · 02/09/2015 22:28

I don't think that girls are easier. Yes perhaps they are more likely to sit and colour rather than race about, but wow do the girls tend to be more high maintenance and demanding in other ways.

Sums up my two.

My DS is 17 bit will still come and hug me - something my DD has never really done

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