Potty Training

[Hmonty]

Thought I'd share some good news on the potty training front. Having read some of the discussions on this web site we invested in the Gina Ford Confident child book and followed her potty training suggestions. She is very prescriptive so we didn't follow everything exactly to the letter but close enough (for instance my son just wasn't interested in the star chart so we stopped that after a couple of days)- and it worked! After a couple of days my 2.5 year old was dry and clean all day with only the odd accident. By the end of the first week we had no accidents and by the end of the second we he was doing all the asking for the toilet for himself...and we haven't looked back.

We started things off one weekend and then passed all the instructions over to the nursery and childminder. (Slight hick up with the childminder as she didn't follow our instructions and so had lots of wet trousers....but don't get me started on that moan!). Otherwise all went very smoothly.
I'd definitely recommend her method in this area.

Thankgod I'm not the only one!! Poos everywhere, wee wees in the potty or prefably the loo. I mena she did use the potty for a poo twice, and I really thought we'd cracked it, but no, she's gone back to poos in the pants. The problem being they are very loose at the moment (no idea why) so they end up down the legs, all over the sofa YUK and double YUK.

Often we resort to pull up pants, since I know she is dry and she sees these as knickers, but it saves a hell of a mess.

I am also glad others are getting grief from outsiders too. I am soooooooo angry, we have a new nanny (another rant at another time) and apparently she told my MIL that our daughter 2.5 was doing really well last week, no accidents. But we ruined it at the weekend by telling her it was OK she had a nappy on (GRRR) To atart with I didn't say that to my daughter, and also she had dioreea (sp) and so had no control anyway. She has always been dry with us but I think it was the changes in her life with a new carer that has upset her a bit.

Anyway does anyone else find that their toddler will be perfectly trained with a childminder/nanny/nursery but wee everywhere possible when you get home? I am sure that it's a power thing since I have just gone back to work full time after maternity leave for a 2nd baby, but our daughter behaves perfectly with others, but is a real little cow when I'm around!! Oh well the guilt of the working mother

How long has everybody found it took before their kids got fairly reliable at using the loo/potty? I'm having a complete nightmare with my babies (twin boys 2 1/2 yrs); it feels like we've been at the half way stage forever. They're both completely erratic. One day they'll have no accidents (never both on the same day though as that would make my life too easy!), the next they'll barely make it to the potty once. I'm trying to keep positive and calm but it's really getting me down; we live in a small carpeted flat which is beginning to stink from regular urine soakings and I've thrown away countless pairs of pants too soiled to wash. They've just started a playgroup which insists on no nappies (though so far they've been quite supportive of their accidents) so giving up on the whole caboodle isn't an option at the moment. Has anyone got any advice?

P.S. Just before going to bed tonight one of my boys did a poo on the pot, stood up, looked at it and announced "I've done a guitar poo!" We all gathered round the pot (sad I know, but it did sound intriguing!) and sure enough his long thin turd had been deposited in the shape of a guitar! Ah, the delights of childrearing...

Scummymummy we found that we tried training dd at just over 2 yr (during the summer thinking semi naked in the garden etc), bit of a failure, poo and wee everywhere. Abandoned this until 2 and half. Then found some days good and others not. We compromised on use of pull ups for day time and nappies for night. Then no further progress. We then laid off the whole thing for three months (depths of winter) and also because we were moving house (too much stress/lack of time/new environment etc). Went back to pullups but began to panic as had secured a place at a pre school after the easter break. Finally had one more go it with new "big girl" pants. It took about a month. Fairly dry at 2yr 9mth, but with occasional accidents, still needed reminders eg race you to the toilet..... However was dry at night from 3rd birthday not one accident (touch wood) though kept potty in room. Think moral of story is wait for as long as you can.
People also say that boys are slower, my experience is that it varies, though think night training on balance may take longer. Also some people say that pullups are fab on the mess front re carpet but are not good for long term use because child does not get the sensation of being wet and cold. But at least they are handy when its "really not the time" for there to be accidents (supermarkets weddings etc..)
Now its all behind me I can remember people put far too much weight on this as a developmental "first". The older rellies are the worst with their stories. Probably becuase they sat them on the pot all the time and it was luck rather than judgement....
Hope this helps

Scummymummy - it does vary with children. My eldest was reliably dry within a fortnight, (poos were very infrequent - that's another story, but at least there weren't any messy accidents). But my younger son (nearly 2.5) has taken much longer. He got the basic idea very quickly, but was still having accidents from time to time. He's pretty good now, (after 5 months) and I hope we are there - he certainly can hang on for a long time, so I don't need to take a potty everywhere. Stick with it and try really hard not to show your frustrations.

When we got back from a fortnight's holiday - in pull-ups, as I couldn't bear the laundry, he was hopeless for four or five days. Big puddles frequently, which we'd never had before. ... But we did a big sticker chart, and he got a smiley face sticker for every success. He found it encouraging, and soon dried up. But I also found it encouraging too. To see ten smiley stickers on the chart at the end of a day, compared with two pairs of wet knickers in the bucket, brought it into perspective a bit.

Must be very tough with twins, though. Good luck. Keep smiling!

Thanks Madmaz & Kmg.
I am trying really hard not to show my frustrations as you say Kmg. I don't think I'm succeeding v well though since yesterday one of my kids said "It was an accident Mummy. Don't be cross, be happy!" It's amazing how well they know what you're feeling, isn't it? I hadn't said a word to him before hand yet he knew I was gritting my teeth in a less than estactic manner.
I think that because there are two of them at the same sort of stage toiletwise it's hard to see the wood for the trees sometimes and realise that each of them has had a few successes. Sometimes I can barely keep track of who's taken himself off to the loo five minutes before and who might need reminding because they haven't been for ages. The laundry pile is so gigantic that I don't always remember to think "Oh fab, only 2 of these wet pants are from Joe and 3 from Dan so they're doing OK" because it just feels like a mountain of piss stained clothes!
Anyway you 2 have cheered me up.
P.S. I love the way that mumsnet enables you to seek advice on some threads, give advice on others and just read still others in fascination! I think I'm becoming a bit of an addict!

My son has been (fairly reliably) dry since February , he's now 3yrs 4mths and has just started wetting himself again. Extremely frustrating, yesterday he did it 3 times at Nursery. The only things that have changed are:- just started giving him the kids echinacea drops twice a day, and he's just got over chicken pox. Anyone know if either of these two things could possibly be the cause?

hello everyone its my first time on here.
i got a 2 year old daughter and she will not go on the potty,she start nursuy in 6 months and she got to be dry.
do u have any ideas wot i can do?

Donna247, unfortunately whatever you do, if she's not ready, then she won't be dry in 6 months time.

Get a potty, keep it in the bathroom so she gets the idea of what it's for. Have you got any friends with children who are training? Get your little girl to watch them so she gets the idea of sitting down etc.

Praise her when she wees in the potty but don't scold her when she has accidents or she'll just get upset and self conscious.

Don't set yourself a time limit of 6 months or you'll get very stressed. Don't worry too much, most nurseries will take children in pull-ups.

Take your potty out with you, you can get travel ones and don't forget the loo roll!

Good Luck. R.

Donna247 - don't get yourself stressed about this, children can come on a lot in 6 mths. Just a thought though, have you tried her with just a pair of ordinary knickers on? I found with my dd (when she was 2) that if I put her in a nappy she would wee in it (probably laziness) but in knickers she didn't. Initially when you try this though, keep a potty nearby so any signs of something happening you can get her on it straightaway - she'll soon make the connection and realise it's far nicer without a soggy nappy to slow her down. Good luck.

I got a free promotional video from Huggies about potty training. At around 2 I put it on for him and he soon became fasinated by the other boys and girls using the potty and toilet. He used to start asking for the video and coupled with books about potty training he soon started to get the idea. We didn't force him to sit on the potty or toilet, eventually he started playing with the potty, sitting on it fully clothed etc. Then when we went for a bath I'd ask him if he wanted to sit on the toilet. After a little while I left the nappy off and let him run around without anything on, after an accident I'd say that he could try the potty next time. Anyway, we didn't put any undue pressure on him and it was clear after a few days that he wasn't interested, so we went back to nappies again. A couple of months later his interest increased dramatically and within the space of two weeks he was dry during the day and at night too. He was 2 and 4 months.

Your child will get it eventually and like Chanelno5 says, they can come on a lot in 6 months. Don't stress, and don't turn it into a battle ground. If they are not ready you can do more harm than good by forcing the issue.

thx for all the help,
she dont mind sitting a potty when she got lot of clothes on, but when shes got no nappy on or clothes she wont sit on potty or if she does its only for 2 mins

Donna247, that's a start, don't worry keep persevering. R.

ok thanks

Donna247, our son also refused to sit on his potty at first and so my husband started to put the potty and Ds in the bath(without any water in it!)with his toys. Ds very quickly decided to have a little sit down whilst playing with the toys and found the potty more comfortable than the bathtub. It might be worth a try, especially if your dd can see that you are sitting on the proper toilet at the same time.

ok thank u 4 your help

My son is two at the end of the month and he has decided he wants to use the toilet. He won't even entertain the idea of the potty. He doesn't talk yet so can't tell me when he wants a wee so we're just going with the flow and letting him climb up there when he wants to. I think he's been watching his daddy too much as he sits up on the toilet with a book in his hand. When he's done he wants to wipe his bum (even if he's only done a wee) with endless amounts of toilet roll. If you lift him off before he's wiped himself enough times (in his eyes) then he climbs back on. Then he flushes the toilet. I only hope it lasts. Best of all is when he watches my husband go to the loo - he gives him a round of applause! At the moment the most popular time is when he's undressed for his bath. Should I get him some of those pull-ups and see what happens or just take it easy. I guess there's no rush.

If you can.... go with it...
I have read pull-ups are not a great idea (haven't tried myself so JUST heard) because children become lazy with them.
If your son goes on his own, let him. I am sure the toilet roll problem will go on his own soon (he'll get bored with it and will have more pressing things to do) but you can probably tell your husband to show your son that a little will do (since he seems keen to copy him).

Can anyone verify this? My Mum makes regular trips to Holland to visit friends and somehow the topic of conversation turned to potty training. Mum mentioned that I was plonked on the potty from 6 months, apparently I was a very 'regular' baby, and the lady she was speaking to was horrified! She said they don't potty train at all over there, the children stay in nappies until they are 3 or so and just wait until the child decides they are grown up enough not to need them any more.
I just assumed potty training was the norm, at least in Western society? Do other European countries use the same method?
I've just bought a couple of potties for my 19mo as he was showing signs that he was getting more aware of his poos - one day he just pulled down his nappy and christened the carpet with one - but I think that was a one-off and he's shown no more signs of doing the same so I am waiting a few months, but I just wondered if anyone else had heard about the Dutch way of doing things?

Can't verify it, Jodee, but we Brits do have a bit of a reputation for getting our knickers in a twist about potty training. I think the Dutch way makes a lot of sense, really. I wish I'd left my boys in nappies a bit longer. They've just started to be more or less reliable (touch wood)at 2 yrs 8 mnths after four months of erraticness. I definitely started too early for them and one of them wasn't ready at all. I wish I'd stopped before it got as stressful as it did but the fact that their playgroup wanted them clean and dry forced me to continue when things were not going at all well! If we'd been in Holland presumably the playgroup would have accepted them in nappies and we could have skipped the piss soaked carpet bit and waited till everyone was ready and willing.
I think you're right to wait a few months before you try to teach your boy about using the potty. Under two is probably a bit young, though they're all different. The more interested he is the better though- I'd take that as the main message from the Dutch method- unless your kid wants to give up nappies and use the potty it ain't gonna work!

Hubby is Dutch so I'll ask him. However I have relatives in Canada, Switzerland, France and Belgium, they ALL potty train. I suspect some Dutch don't but I'll find out.
I am actually at the early stages of potty training my 23 months old. He has been very good, always in it even when we are not in the same room (he'll come and say "mummy poo").... but he is walking around with a bare bottom... My problem is to teach him to either remove clothing or come and get me to remove it for him. He just goes on the potty and does it. When he had some underwear he did it in them... ANY TIPS ?

P.S. I have no carpet but laminate and tile flooring throughout so no worries about potential accidents.

P.S.2. Gina Ford has written in her book how to successfully potty train (I have lent the book to a friend but I think I remember how it goes). And she covers the 5 key signs to recognise whether your child is ready... she says that's between 18 and 36 months in most cases.

re my message of 25/7 - just thought Id add a progress update in case anyone has a similar issue. Wed decided to wait patiently until our litle boy said he was ready - this took us to October ie 3 3/4 yrs and 8 months of only pooing in his night-time nappy - when we got desperate. He had amazing control and never 'needed' to poo during the day, and we couldnt leave his nappy off cos he wasnt dry at night. I know most mums will recoil in horror when I say this - but we resorted to using mild laxatives for 2-3 days. When he couldnt hold onto it he asked to use the toilet and, after a few goes, was quite pleased with himself for doing it. All the star charts and reward systems had failed - he just needed to get over some mental block that stopped him pooing in the toilet. Weve never looked back!

Snoozie - that's fantastic news. You must be so relieved.

I tried potty training last week with our son aged 2 years 4 months. The plan is to get him trained before the next baby comes in 4 months time. However he isn't showing much interest. Should I just put the potty away and forget about it for a month or so or keep trying every few days? I think perhaps it should be handy just in case he does decide to use it but on the other hand I don't want it to just become an ornament and he gets so used to seeing it that he ignores it.

I tried training pants but he was just using them like a nappy. I thought it would be too difficult for him to undo his nappy and I thought the pants would be easy for him to pull down. Are training pants supposed to be used this way or are they really for when they are practically trained and are for potential accidents when they are out?

One more question - do you think speech development is related to slow potty training? My son is slow to talk and rarely asks for anything often resorting to pointing for things. Or would he just walk over to the potty without needing to say? Just now he does point to his bum when he's pood and sometimes says "poo" (but of course doesn't say anything beforehand)

I know that it is pointless to get a child trained near the birth of a sibling which is why I am trying now but wonder how near I should leave it to 2nd baby before not bothering and leaving it till afterwards.

Hi Eulalia.
I think it's worth trying for a little while longer so that you give him a chance for the message to sink in. Unfortunately, I think it's necessary to bite the bullet and let them go nappiless or in ordinary pants. I don't think they realise what they're supposed to do otherwise because they're used to wearing nappies and for it being fine to "ease themselves" (as a collegue of mine genteelly puts it!) in the nappy.
If it's a total nightmare then I would suggest that you stop ASAP, especially if it makes you feel peeved or stressed. It's really important to for you to remain calm but I found this much harder in practice than in theory! (and I wasn't pregnant at the time...)
It'll probably be clear whether he's ready or not after a week or so. Even if he does seem ready it can be a long haul, I'm afraid. Some kids seem to practically train themselves overnight but others seem half trained for ages and ages.
I definitely don't think slower potty learning is linked to speech development, btw. My boys both like to talk but not to sit on the potty. My friend's son was initially slower to speak (he caught up v.quickly once he started though) but got the idea of using his potty without much hassle at all. I think many kids of this age understand a huge amount but don't articulate because they aren't physically ready to use their mouths and tongues in the necessary way. But if their arse end is physically ready it won't matter if their mouth muscles aren't- hope that doesn't sound too crude