How much and often do and should you buy 'stuff' for the kids?

[Vijac]

We can afford to regularly buy the odd toy etc but don't want them to get spoilt. Ds 3.5 often gets a magazine and fairly often a toy. For example this week one day at the theatre he got one of those light up twirly things, then another day we went to the children's charity shop and I got him a book he likes the audio of, that came in a bag with an animal puppet. I also got a playdo set that was £2 for us to play with. A friend gave him a sticker book at the weekend and last week he used his pocket money to buy an electronic car type toy for £8 from the charity shop. This is probably a bit more than usual, it being summer holidays.

Do you think it's bad to but random stuff like this. Is he going to get spoilt? His birthday is near Christmas so it makes it a bit hard to space out. Eg. When do we get paddling pool, balls, sunglasses etc.

Interested in this too, I buy a lot of little things (similar to the things you've mentioned) for my almost 4 year old.

The only thing I haven't done with mine is pocket money at 3.5 years of age. Heck mine are tweens and only just earning pocket money.

The pocket money was partly brought in for this reason. To teach the value of money and so if he wants something we can say 'when you get home you can count your pocket money and see if you have enough and if not save up some more etc'. Delayed gratification. Also, he gets it for contributing around the house-tidying up toys etc. The only problem is that with occasional fivers from grandparents to stick in piggy bank, and his wants being things like a yoyo once a month,at the moment he can basically afford whatever wants. (Which doesn't teach the value of money very effectively!).

I was just thinking about this the other day. Ive come into some money recently and every time we've gone out I've bought her a toy, shoes, clothes or crafts. I need to stop but keep thinking, 'Oh she needs that!' :((( I need to stop it!!

Eh, life's too short. I buy things for my two, they're not spoiled by any means. I like the joy they have on their little faces when they get a surprise.

Personally, unless they're becoming spoiled demanding brats, I don't see the harm in buying them things. It's when it tips over into an expectation that you've got to watch it.

I think that is quite a lot tbh but if that's not a regular thing then it doesn't really matter. I think sometimes you have to say NO to some things whether you can afford it or not

I do say no to lots of stuff and I don't give into whining but it's just that I want to get the fun stuff too! The expectation thing is a good call. I just worry that he'll not respect the things he has.

I try to wait until birthdays and christmas tbh. They often get toys as prizes from friend's birthday parties and treats when their nana visits. Otherwise they use their money-box money when they go to fairs and galas.

We have a tonne of toys already, without them needing more.

Ages almost 5 and 3.5.

When they see something in a shop or a catalogue they like, they always tell me. I just say, "wow! that's a lovely toy! I can see why you like that. Shall we add it to your birthday list?"

The mystery "birthday list" is very very very long. And it doesn't all materialise. But it stops the nagging/pestering completely.

I buy them things but don't give in to every request so they know it's on my terms. I like buying them things

I often think about this too. I think we do buy too many things for our DD, she often gets little treats when we're out and about but she loves it and we enjoy getting her bits too. She doesn't get things if she whinges for it, and if we say no to a request she doesn't kick off about it, just accepts it. So I'm hoping we're not truly spoiling her because every time try to cut back it rarely lasts for long.

I buy similar too. 3.5yo probably gets something every week, but it's normally a magazine, or something from a charity shop. I really struggle to say no to something from a charity shop, especially books.

However we've never really bought her any big or expensive toys, even for her birthday/Christmas - by which I mean most of her friends have lots of ELC electronic things, a playhouse or slide in the garden etc. So financially I imagine we spend a lot less over the year. Luckily, though, she's one of those kids who really likes 'tat' and is just as happy with a 30p car from the market.

I am starting to worry a little about the expectation of wanting something. But so far she hasn't demanded anything, and has been fine when I've said no to something. If she does I might start a vague pocket money idea, even if she doesn't have the pennies herself.

Ds and dn got bad about pestering when they started school and heard about amazing toys but hadn't yet grasped the idea of money and why they could have a little Lego set but the £200 set is Not Happening, even for Christmas.

Now they understand numbers they love figuring out what they could get for their Christmas/birthday budget and looking on EBay for Lego characters (turned out they only wanted the £200 set for a couple characters - available from enterprising EBay seller for £5 each)

I try and restrict the amount of pure tat for space and environmental reasons, and say"you can have a twirly light thing, or an icecream", and suggest looking through ds's room for things to give away so there's space for new toys. Tend to get a magazine once every 3 weeks plus the odd thing roughly monthly, often as a result of bribery, sorry, reward for good behaviour. Aunt and grandparents tend to give toys a lot, so pocket money for a tidy room each week worked for a few months, resulted in a Lego set, but then ds decided he had enough toys.

I normally get a magazine or stickers etc once a week. I think little bits and bobs are fine. I think requests should be for Christmas and birthdays otherwise they will become spoiled.

I've tended to spend more on outings and classes than 'things'.
When I visit friends it appears that my DC have very little to play with, most of my friends' kids have whole rooms full of toys, ride-ons on the garden etc.
I've probably spent a lot on swimming and entrance to zoos, museums, holidays and suchlike when I tot it up.
But I prefer to spend on experiences rather than things. Maybe DC is spoiled, I don't really care once he's well behaved.

Once your DC understand 'no, we're not buying that today' it's fine.

That is way, way more than mine ever get but every family is different. If mine had the same level of goods I would probably have the same worries as you. Mine would tend not to appreciate stuff either if they constantly got things.

In the past I've probably bought them the summer edition of their favourite comic, but like others have said, I tended at that age to spend money on classes to keep me sane and on outings. They almost never get a gift if we have a day out.

I buy similar for my 3.5yr old DD. I make a list of big things she wants/needs for birthdays and Christmas but I love getting her little things on a regular basis. She is so appreciative and also very accepting when I tell her no.

DS1 used to get lots of little things through the year, as and when I saw them, partly because his birthday is only 3 weeks prior to Christmas.
He doesn't get as much now.
DS2 gets more than DS1, his birthday is in October, but he gets less in the way of big presents because we've sort of run out of ideas, and DS1 already had most of the good ones!
They're 5years apart, so Ds1 has grown out of a lot of the toys that Ds2 now plays with.

Oops, meant to say that mine also accept "no" as an answer without much quibble - maybe the odd whine, but that's soon stopped.

We do always buy a little souvenir when we've been to a zoo or similar the first time, but not usually every time. And then it has to be an animal that we don't already have (getting harder to achieve this!) and not one of the mad Chinese ones with improbably coloured eyes. No stuffed animals. No silly gimmicky stuff.

I suppose my two do get things fairly regularly. Often just cheap stuff. E.g., if they behave well when doing the big shop they get a magazine or are allowed to choose a small toy from the £ shop. Last week when it was raining I took them to the charity shop and let them choose a toy each (DD chose a toy hamster that cost 29p and spent the rest of the week playing with it!) We moved earlier in the year and both were bought a scooter to use on the school run as we didn't need to drive anymore.

But most big items are kept for Christmas or birthdays. As long as they don't expect a toy every time we go anywhere then I think it's fine.

I buy a lot for my two. But only very rarely do I buy something directly because they asked for it. Now that I think about it, they don't ask for stuff that much.

They love getting surprises, and it is usually inexpensive things like bubbles or colouring books. Higher priced things are saved for xmas and birthdays if possible.

My two love getting to pick their own clothes though. So even though it is stuff they need, like winter coats/summer tshirts and shorts etc, or new shoes, if I give them a little bit of choice they think they are getting a big treat :o. Even the 2.5 year old gets really excited about clothes and goes around the shop saying "oooh so pretty" . (She calls everything pretty if she likes it, eg the dog is pretty, the beach is pretty etc etc)

My son is 4.5 (I also have a 6yr old DD). I remember thinking when he was 2 that he never asks for any toys and because of that I'd buy him a twice weekly treat (or there abouts). He was so grateful and I loved seeing his and DD faces light up. I figured life is too short and why not. Fast forward 2 years and he's a nightmare. I've created a monster when it comes to expectation and pester power. It's very wearing and sometimes for an easy life I just buy him whatever it is (poundshop/charity shop stuff and bloody magazines). I now plan shopping trips to try and avoid toy shops or the magazine aisle. For some reason where reasoning worked with DD it just doesnt with DS. I'm holding out for school now where he won't be with me on my days off and hopefully break the cycle. The only thing that sometimes works is when I say I'll put it on the 'list' and when he's a big boy we'll buy it. This is not the way I expected I'd parent!!

I buy quite a bit.
Lots of craft bits. The odd random you for no other reason than I know they will love it.

It gives me pleasure and it gives them pleasure. Win win

I think a lot of us do this to a certain extent - we are a consumerist society and are used to buying stuff and having little treats on a regular basis. I do think with little kids you have to be wary of always saying 'yes' - little wants could turn into big wants in the next few years and you don't want the expectation that he gets whatever he wants.

I would make sure you try to buy no treats from the supermarket, toy/charity shop as many times as you do buy treats for him. This way he will get used to you saying no.

Personally I try to buy my DDs things I think they will like when they are not there (books, craft stuff, etc), so I get the fun of treating them, but not because they nagged/pestered/whined for it.

My eldest starting asking for much more around age 5, so I started taking photos of the item on my phone and showing her it is 'on the list' for birthdays etc.

She is nearly 7 and I am aware that we have far too many kids toys for my two to really play with and I plan on doing a big clear out before her birthday and Christmas. At the moment I am wary of more crap sneaking in!

"The pocket money was partly brought in for this reason. To teach the value of money and so if he wants something we can say 'when you get home you can count your pocket money and see if you have enough and if not save up some more etc'. Delayed gratification."
That didn't work on my daughter until she was about 11. I think it was the act of spending money that she enjoyed rather than the accumulation of things - which wasn't really a habit I wanted to encourage, as you can imagine.

When she was little sometimes she would get a little treat every so often - she had ADHD and I'm not above bribery - but not automatically every time we went anywhere. Also, when she got a little bit older, I used to pay her $5 per visit for going to the doctor or dentist without making a fuss, followed by an immediate trip to Toys R Us. She collected My Little Pony ponies, and (what a coincidence) that's how much they cost at the time. So I was actually controlling the way she spent her money without her realizing that's what I was doing. Devious-emoticon.

She's still (at 19) not fantastic at saving her money for things she really wants, but she can usually manage it if it's something she wants badly enough. I really think that's a personality issue rather than anything I did. And she certainly usually understands the concept that, once it's gone it's gone.