I can't take this anymore...........

[emmatmg]

I have just lost it BIGTIME with DS1 and I simply can not see away through the shit I have to put up with everyday.
He never listens to me, and unless I shout he'll carry on ignoring me. If I'm trying to talk to him about why I'm cross with him for whatever reason he laughs at me. Yes you did read that right he laughs at me......in my face virtually.
I've tried talking to him, asking nicely, praising him, begging him(!) rewarding him, star charts, one to one time,........pretty much everything and I know it's not the answer but smacking him too.

I was cleaning his teeth and he always complains regardless of how I do it but as he needs a filling I have to do well before it get worse before the appointment. Anyway he complained on and on and I tried to tell him again how important it was because of his filling, same as I did this morning, last night, yesterday morning( you getthe idea) and was getting increasing ly annoyed about him whinging and me having to say it all again and he starts sniggering and giggling at me. Believe me this was just the pinacle of a totally shit day that started at 6:00am and I'd really reached the end of my tether.
When I say lost it I really mean it. I was screaming like a banshee at him, REALLY screaming that I can't do this anymore, and I honestly feel like I can't. I just don't know what else to do. I hate it whe he laughs at me, it drives me absolutley insane with rage, I hate shouting all the time, I hate the constant noise that we all make trying to get through the latest 'incident' and I hate the fact that I am getting to the stage where I can't be bothered to be nice anymore.

I feel like I'm becoming invisible in this house and I have no idea how I can gain some respect from him. He would never do behave like this for anyone else, it's just me. Everytime I shout I think what a horrid memory he's going to have of me when he's older and that just kills me but then the behaviour continues and the shouting starts again.

I've sat here for about 40 minutes trying to do this and I still can't get the words right. I think I'm ranting more than asking for advise to excuse my drivvel.

Cab, don't worry about using the F word........being in a car surrounded by idiot drivers who have no idea how to use the road makes it 100% acceptable to swaer bloody blue murder. There should be a law about it somewhere

Bron, do you know I think the resect thing you mention could be right. I mean DS1 is 5 and DS2 won't be 3 until next month so expecting respect from them is probably abit harsh, I think I need to remember sometimes that they are only kids. However when it comes to DH it's abit different, he doesn't disprespect per se( I think thats the right term!?!?!) but doesn't really acknowledge all the shit I have to put up with and have been through to get this far. He asked he yesterday when I was crying "is it REALLY that bad?", he's at work for what seems like 99% of the time and when he's here we go out somewhere most of the time so they behave completely different. Being here alone with them with only the pram and buggy board to get about with creates a very differnent day.
Another thing that really bugs me, and this is REALLY stupid, is that DS2 was born at home. It wasn't a planned homebirth and I had to phone an ambulance as I was here alone with DS1(who was only just 2 so not an ideal birthing partner) while Dh went to get my mum who lives an hour away. Labour was very fast and DS2 was delivered on the bedroom floor by the paramedics as DH was running up the stairs with Mum following. DS3 was also born at home, planned homebirth this time though, again very fast and midwife had only been here 10 minutes before he shot out. DH has not once said how proud he is of what I did, never said he's amazed I did all alone with DS2, never thanked me for producing 3 perfect children. Ok I realise I can't expect him to be in ore of me forever and a day, and I don't expect every DH across the world has done it either but I would have been nice for him to at least acknowledge it.

Opened abit of a can of worms there. I've never really said/written that out at seeing it in black and white makes it bug me even more. I did loosely mention it awhile ago to him and just said he's not really like that, to say how he feels about it. This is differnet though isn't it?

Oh bugger, I just don't know. The problem with the kids is still here but I suppose there another with DH too now.

emmatmg, i know just how you feel, i'm still waiting 4 years later for my dh to acknowledge how amazing i was with the births of my ds1 and ds2 (first labour 38 hours with retained placenta and near pph, second c-section where he was more worried about HIMSELF fainting in theatre!)i am convinced half the worlds illnesses are caused by a feeling of being utterly neglected at times. what you did and do on a daily basis is amazing. you have to know this.

Thanks shrub, yes I do realise I've done a good job bringing the up so far and am very proud of myself for having 2 homebirths especially as DS1's hospital birth was awful and I sobbed and sobbed with the pain. In fact DH said after DS1's birth that he knew I wouldn't be able to do it on just gas and air as I have a very low pain thresh hold. Hah obviously not Boyo because I had bugger all with DS2+3 and only gas and air for the embroidery done on my nether regions for DS2!

Reading my last post makes me sound really self pitying and that I'm the only woman in the entire world to have done this, it's not meant to sound like that, once I started typing it just flowed out and with only DS1 dressed and no packed lunches done the pressure was on so I didn't preview the messsage. I hope you understand what I'm trying to say, in a non self-pitying way.

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was just about to mail you actually Harmen and I see you're on here now.

Will do it NOW!

Hi Emma,

just want to say there's someone else out here who knows how you're feeling. I've screamed like a banshee at times and have felt deeply ashamed. I've also sometimes been very conscious of what I'm doing while I'm doing it - and thought BUT I FEEL LIKE SHIT WHY SHOULDN'T I SHOUT. It's awful. I also wanted to second what Cab said - you really sound like you need a break. If there are no grandparents on hand and/or you don't want to spend money can't you leave them with dh and go and stay with a friend? Have some real you time - it will benefit everyone, not just you.

Cab and hatter, the grandparents aren't really a option as my mum is epileptic so it would be quite dangerous to leave them with her and as for MIL I'd rather stick pins in my eyes then let her spent a nanosecond with them. I wouldn't trust her with a goldfish let alone my children. DH wouldn't let her look after them either. Alcohol is more important to her.
DS3 is only 7.5 months so I'm not ready to leave him with anyone yet especially not overnight and I'm not entirely sure DS1+2 would stay overnight somewhere without me or DH.

Emmatmg, I have much sympathy with you and when I find myself in a growling mood and its only the start of a day I tend to stick the telly on and leave the kids to their own devices only supplying the neccesary food and clothes as needed, as I find its better than being WITH then all morning and then going mad becuase they are driving me up the wall.
I find telling myself that the fact that we have got this far with little help from dp is a major achievement and something to be proud of, instead of dwelling on the fact its me that does all the grind!!!!!
Giving birth at home is a major achievement, you should be well proud of yourself and im sure you DH is proud of you he just doesnt understand the emormity of giving birth and looking after 3 children all day and night. Im sure if you vanished for a week he would be much more appreciative!
Keep your chin up and escape if you can feel the kids pushing your blood pressure up.
Relating to your first post and the teeth brushing etc, my kids moan and I have got into arguments and shouted at them for moaning but now I know they are going to moan so I just do it silently over the top of them whinging, its not much of an arguement if theres only 1 person taking part. Good Luck!!!!!

emmatmg, do you ever feel like people look at you as if you are a mad woman?
My Dh comes home from work, and finds me screaming at our DS's for what he would say is 'nothing.'
What he doesn't realise is what i have had to put up with all day! Things don't get on his nerves, because he only has to put up with it for one hour, between when he comes home from work and they go to bed. If he had to deal with it all day, every day, things would be different.
One day he said i was over-reacting to something, so i just got up, put my coat and shoes on, and went out for the day.
I am telling you, when i got back, he looked like a mad man!! He appologised, and said that he thought that it was 'easy' looking after two kids all day. I swear he thinks i just sit watching day-time telly all day - i wish!!!!!!!!
He couldn't wait to get back to work!
I feel things have changed since. I feel he backs me up more with the boys. Now i always get sometime during the Week where he looks after them, while i get some 'me' time.

Emmatmg - THANKYOU for starting this thread- such a relief to read others going through the same things.

Both DS1 and 2 (twins - they're 5 too) sometimes laugh in my face even when Im really really cross and I hate it.

I think its just the fact that I feel so worked up and they just dont seem to give a monkeys.

I was going to start a thread today 'Is parenting the hardest thing you've ever had to do' but youve beaten me to it with this one.

I also understand that feeling of 'it shouldnt be like this'. I had my sons via IVF and I really feel guilty that Im not enjoying all my time with them but sometimes it really is bloody hard work.

Im sorry I cant offer any advice because I havent found the answer myself yet but hope things get better soon.
Kizziex

Sympathy, Sympathy to one and all.
My morning so far:_
Its after 12 and im still not dressed as

I fed baby toddlers food by mistake as feeding both at same time so baby was sick all over himself and floor
Toddler fed her self whilst i cleaned up sick and got more on floor and down herself than in mouth
Stripped them both down and baby bit toddlers knee causing her to cry which then set baby off
Re dressed baby whilst toddler weed on the rug

They are both now in bed and i am going to re start day, but already not going well cos toast just burnt as im on mn.

Its must be some help Em to see that we all go through this. Thing that i hate is that Dp comes across to the kids as mr bloody wonderful cos he doesnt get all the crap in the day, i really resent him at moment as he has a life and i have nappies.Who would have thought parenting could be sooooo stressful?

And im with Kizzie on this, thanks for starting a great thread and when i find the ans ill pass it over and visa versa i hope

saintshar - love your story about just walking out the door. i have been tempted, i've even thought of putting myself in the local b & b down the road for a weekend just to recharge

How are things today Emma? Could you get away without dh?

Just found this thread and feel a huge wave of relief flood over me. I have two boys ds1 is nearly 6 and ds2 nearly 3. Just lately ds1 has started being really cheeky, laughing at me when i tell him off and the worst is copying what I'm saying when I tell him off, which drives me completely over the edge.
It really upsets me that ds2 copies ds1 and thinks this is acceptable behaviour.

Sorry no advice, but can I join the club ?

Look like there are a few of us in the same boat, shall we give our little gang a name.

How about Naughty little f*ckers club!

Sorry shouldn't swear, but needs must.

Today hasn't been to bad partly because Ds1 has been at school so Ds2 doesn't copy and they can't wind each other up. DH is one earlies this week so I'll have an extra pair of hands in the evening......whether they will be of any use is another question DS1 seems to be trying hard to to good too, bless him. I just hope it continues and I haven't scarred him for life with my banshee impression, poor little chap.

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It's my god-daughters birthday party on saturday so I don't know if I'll make it yet.
The party is 11am-1pm so we could come after I suppose.
What time are you all meeting?

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just found the proper thread so will 99% be there, just depends on the party.

Ohhhh, really looking forward to it.

Harman, my Dh is coming so if you want to come i'll run after your kiddies while you put your feet up, DH can do ours.

Thanks Dino....

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Hope you have another rather better day today Emma!

Do remember to lay it on thick with ds1 with praise for better behaviour yesterday. When we have a better day after a lousy spell (just waiting for the storm to ease here - ds1 has been horrid since Saturday) I always have a little chat and ask him why he thinks we've had a better day, and how he feels, and how he thinks I feel, and his little bro feels, etc., etc. I don't think this particularly helps him behave better, but I think it does help the emotional maturity, and helps him understand why you get so cross with him, and why he feels sad, and that they are all interlinked.

Anyway - have a good day - hope you have sunshine like us and can enjoy the day.

Hi - I've just read this thread and the laughing when being told off thing just triggered a memory of being a child and my friend used to laugh and she'd get in soooo much trouble for it. Thing was, she wasn't doing it to be defiant or cocky or anything like that, it was just an involuntary reaction to an uncomfortable situation.

Was just a thought ...