I can't take this anymore...........

[emmatmg]

I have just lost it BIGTIME with DS1 and I simply can not see away through the shit I have to put up with everyday.
He never listens to me, and unless I shout he'll carry on ignoring me. If I'm trying to talk to him about why I'm cross with him for whatever reason he laughs at me. Yes you did read that right he laughs at me......in my face virtually.
I've tried talking to him, asking nicely, praising him, begging him(!) rewarding him, star charts, one to one time,........pretty much everything and I know it's not the answer but smacking him too.

I was cleaning his teeth and he always complains regardless of how I do it but as he needs a filling I have to do well before it get worse before the appointment. Anyway he complained on and on and I tried to tell him again how important it was because of his filling, same as I did this morning, last night, yesterday morning( you getthe idea) and was getting increasing ly annoyed about him whinging and me having to say it all again and he starts sniggering and giggling at me. Believe me this was just the pinacle of a totally shit day that started at 6:00am and I'd really reached the end of my tether.
When I say lost it I really mean it. I was screaming like a banshee at him, REALLY screaming that I can't do this anymore, and I honestly feel like I can't. I just don't know what else to do. I hate it whe he laughs at me, it drives me absolutley insane with rage, I hate shouting all the time, I hate the constant noise that we all make trying to get through the latest 'incident' and I hate the fact that I am getting to the stage where I can't be bothered to be nice anymore.

I feel like I'm becoming invisible in this house and I have no idea how I can gain some respect from him. He would never do behave like this for anyone else, it's just me. Everytime I shout I think what a horrid memory he's going to have of me when he's older and that just kills me but then the behaviour continues and the shouting starts again.

I've sat here for about 40 minutes trying to do this and I still can't get the words right. I think I'm ranting more than asking for advise to excuse my drivvel.

believe to boots one and ignore the clearblue.

I had a negative with them and the outcome of those tests are both sleeping upstairs, DS2+3.

did a boots one after the clearblue both times.

Think you may be right Emma. Have a feeling I've got my dates mixed up and only due today - so could be much earlier days than I think. Will just have to wait and see.

p.s. All that stuff about dd was only AFTER totally losing the plot and things getting completely out of control.

I'm off to get some sleep in preparation for the next lot of battles tomorrow.

I wish it wasn't such bloody hard work being a Mum.

Thanks ladies, will mail you soon harmen and cab, congratulations

Hi Emma, just wanted to let you know that there's more of us out here! My ds1 is 5 and doesn't do as he's told/doesn't listen/and yes sniggers sometimes when I'm telling him off. All of these things drive me absolutely nuts and I do tell him so in no uncertain terms. In fact, I've surprised myself with how volatile I am - I used to think I was quite calm and controlled. Hah! The positive side for me is that he's a very sensitive little soul and he can get upset about the silliest things, so if I really lose it it does frighten the hell out of him. I save it for major misdemeanours! God I sound totally mental, don't I? But I just wanted you to know that I really do know what you're going through. No advice though, sadly, but I'll be watching this thread in case some turns up. I wonder if my dd will be like this? I assume with ds2 it's a given...

Night Emma - may you have a peaceful Sunday tomorrow

Emma, I feel great sympathy for you! I too sometimes feel like an invisible person in this house! It's the most frustrating feeling. In fact, last night I was talking to dh and he didn't hear what I said and I started screaming 'does no-one listen to a word I am saying in this house!'.

For me the only thing that has worked is to actually take a time out yourself. I walk into the garden for a few minutes and take some deep breaths and then come back in. I find this has so shocked the kids (that I have left rather than making them go out) that generally when I come back they are a bit more responsive to me. I also try and make myself go on a super-positive-praise drive which can be tiresome but generally means praising them for all the good things and generally being a bit more positive about everything.

Hang on in there! It can be very tough feeling invisible but at least you are not alone. I hope a good night's sleep has made you feel better.

Emmatmg - hope you have a good day tomorrow and enjoy being with one another.

I hate myself when I really shout at the boys, but sometimes it just has to be done. When they are just being extremely irritating a bit of space can help. Ds1 (6) was really good this morning, but was spoiling for a fight late afternoon, and at teatime was just being unbearably rude. In the end I put his food on a plastic picnic plate, and send him out to eat it in the playhouse, and told him not to come back in the house until he could be civilised. ... I wonder if dh let him back in, or if he's still out there?!

well the day didn't start off to good, he came into us at 6am asking me to cut his toenails!!!!!!!
TOENAILS AT 6AM.
That then woke DS3 up so I was up by 6:15 again and again he was downstairs by 6:30am. We tell him every night that he has to stay in bed until 7am, he can read or play quietly until then but he has to stay in his room.
He has a clock in his room with sticker on the face to show him 7 o'clock but he just gets up before that EVERYDAY.

Told Dh about my outburst last night and he has had word with DS1 but it really is a waste of time, we'll be at it again by lunchtime.

I am so sorry that your having such a terrible time, i think all of us go thorough something at some point. I know you feel like shouting all the time, and they completely ignore you,(i don't have the laughing bit) but it is frustrating. All i would suggest is completely ingnore him i know its hard i have done it, don't loose your cool, just do what has to be done and just ignore him when hes behaving likd you don't want him to. hope things get better soon.

I know its easier said than done. Be strong!!

It sounds really hard emma, big hugs (((())))

I have this from kids at school all the time and so I know how much it can get you down.

DS is only 15 months, so a little young for this, but he has started becoming wilful. His current trick is when you say "no" to continue doing the same thing, but with eye contact and giggling. He does it to both of us, and I have begun to notice the way dp and I interact with each other. There is nothing wrong in the way we interact from an adult point of view, but we do make jokes about me getting things wrong or parody ds and sometimes we do ignore each other and carry on what we are doing - sometimes because the request to stop was a joke. So I can see how ds might get confused. I don't know if similar things go on between you & dh - clutching at straws here - but I think dp and I are going to have to be more straight forward in our humour!

My prediction was right and I honestly think I would have walked out if I had anywhere to bloody well go. No money to go to the shops and nothing really locally to do.

Instead I sat locked in the bathroom for a while feeling utterly shite. When I came down I just cried at the fact that I don't want to be here. It's not meant to be like this is it? I should be saviouring every moment of their childhood but instead evreyday is a battle to get some respect from them and stop my shouting.

I've lost this battle and I haven't got any fight left in me for the next, which will surely come within a day or so.

I've been trying to think of something that might help you, Emma, all I can suggest for right now is to get out of the house even to just walk them down the road. Apart from that I would try sending your ds from the room, to his room perhaps, for a set amount of time, when he acts up
next time. That would give you both some space then. Everyone loses their temper with their children sometimes, so don't be so hard on yourself. Anyway just six hours to bedtime.and counting.

Emma (((hugs))) you were such a wonderful support to me when I was going through similiar woes when DD was acting up - it really is very hard and make you feel like utter shit - I used to feel so upset and guilty that I used to dread DD getting up in the morning so I can relate to how your feeling - on top of that though you have had recent PND scare so I think it might be wise to seek some extra help, when I was struggling with DD I called my health visitor and a community nurse visited me and phoned me up for progress reports - I found this really valuable and supportive.

Its very hard to read your posts and seeing how sad you are - please look after yourself - arent you due some YOU time or pampering to get away from it all for an hour/day/week

Emmatmg, sorry it's horrible atm. Hugs and sympathy.

Emma, I'm really sorry they are being horrid for you atm. I've been thinking of you today - Did you get any time off?

I'm so sorry it's like this. I've done the banshee thing with DD and scared us both in the process. I agree with Becca, if your HV is any good, could you ring for some advice ? I do think it is incredibly hard being a Mum and getting some space for yourself is vital (and I must take my own advice). I really hope things improve soon

I read something interesting on a German parenting board once: Scientists say that when children grin when you're telling them off it's not a sign of disrespect, but a type of behaviour that can be traced back to our more monkey-like ancestors: The grin/smile is a sign of embarassment and devotion by which the told off child instinctively expresses its inferior position to the parent who is telling him/her off.
(Sorry, just translated that from the German - not very well, I know! Hope you catch my drift though)

Thanks Ladies, it's nice to know you're thinking of me.

After this afternoons episode things have calmed down simply because I'm worn out by it. When I spoke to DH about it he said I was quite unreasonable with them sometimes and I agreed, I'm fully aware that I am and of when I'm doing it BUT and this is the bit that will get be banished from mumsnet. They make me so miserable all the time so why shouldn't I make them miserable too

Now I realise that that is an absolutley shit thing to say and do but they just run rings around me if I do happen to give in so it's like catch 22.

I have spoken to the HV about mine and DS1's relationship and she really wasn't much use. Didn't say anything that I hadn't tried and left it with saying when he gets home from school just give him a cuddle and tell him you love him.
Ok that's a nice thing and maybe I should do it more often but I very much doubt it will bring on the miracle I need.

I said to DH earlier I dread them becoming teenagers as if they (DS2 can be quite hard too, shouting at ME if he's been up to something naughty) are like this now, showing no respect, what on earth wil they be like when they're 16, 14 and 12.
I suppose one good thing in all this is that I've really tried to bring them up with good manners, to be conciderate and to be polite etc and DS1, and mostly DS2,( 3 next month so doing well) really are just that. DS1 teacher cannot praise him enough, saying he's never naughty and told DH at the parents evening that if all children were like him she'd have the perfect job, he has 2 teachers (they job share) and both say this about him so I must be doing something right.
And to make me feel really bad when they got back from the park earlier I answered the door to him standing there with some blossom from a conker tree saying that he got for me to say the he loves me. Bless him.

blimey.........that was abit long......got carried away there.....sorry.

Could it be that because he knows he's always 100% loved and safe etc with his Mummy, this is where he's decided to focus ALL of his testing of boundaries and limits and patience?

If he's really well behaved and polite with everyone else, perhaps you're the only person he feels OK to be horrid around.

you're not the first person to say that twoGB.
maybe that is the case.......I almost wish it wasn't though

As a newish netter, have felt such a relief to read the messages. My DD (nearly 4)& I are at such loggerheads sometimes. I am ashamed at the shouting I have done. What I must look like to a bystander, God only knows. Perhaps if I was to see a video of myself I'd be able to stop it for good. I have mentioned on a previous thread, that for me I think I get so uptight because when she won't do something (the usual routines) I feel out of control. I've always controlled everything and everyone in my life up until now (42yrs) and for the first time ever I have a child not doing what I ask. DD has laughed at me and even poked her tongue out couple of times. On reflection it's funny, but at the time I just lose it and scream. DH (ex teacher) tells me from his experience that most children will laugh/smile due to embarrassment and it's not necessarily to defy you. Think he's right here.
Emma, interesting thought from your comments - you mention "respect" - the fact that you want him to respect you now and in the future. That's what it's all about with my DD.
Wonder if we are wanting respect from someone else here (for me is it the respect of being a mother because, let's face it, where do we get the thanks from) rather than the kids. Does this make any sense to anyone?
Really feel for you because I have been there and it's not nice when you're in the middle of it. Keep positive

Emma - do you think some 'time out' might work? Could you leave the kids with fond grandparents for a weekend and just get away?
Sounds like you're an ace mum to me. Unlike moi: Yesterday in the car, guy behind almost hit us (came round a corner at about 100mph), reverted back to my cave-man instincts and screamed 'F off'. DD (3.5) in the back repeated 'Yes F off'. OMG.
p.s. loved the smiling monkeys story - that will certainly help next time I get that response.