SIDS guidelines....A question

[MrsO501]

I know that the sids guidelines state that my DS should sleep in the same room as us until he is 6 months and this is what we are doing but i just wanted to ask if anyone knows what it is about being in the same room that decreases the sids risk? Is it that you can hear the baby, or is it something else? If we are asleep and not looking at our DS then why does it make any difference that he is in our room 6 feet away from us? I am confused!

I wonder what people do who live in very hot countries, do they have higher rates of sids? I don't think that I can sit upstairs with him in the dark in the evenings but other people have done it so perhaps we should. Arrgh....maybe I need to do more research before deciding.

I'm amazed that people sit in dark rooms every night as their baby sleeps. I'm not sure this is the right interpretation of the guidelines.

FWIW, baby stays downstairs with us during the evening until we go to bed. There's no way I would give up my evenings to sit in the dark for months on end!

No. You don't need to do it because others do. Most people leave the baby for a bit. It is just on here you will get a disproportionate view on the spectrum. Just like on here everyone bf for years and eats organic. Remember that the people who clicked on your thread will mostly be those interested in SIDS guidelines.

I agree with Nicky. I would have lost my mind sitting in the dark. All of ours stayed downstairs to about 3-4 months then went up to bed (in our room ) before us.

My youngest is 4 months. We have a cot downstairs. He sleeps fine with the tv/ light on. When we go to bed we just carry him up. He doesn't usually wake but if he does a feed soon settles him.

My DC always preferred sleeping in a quiet dark room rather than downstairs with us in the evenings from about 8-10 weeks - just wouldn't settle otherwise which is understandable from their point of view. So I just put them to bed upstairs after that with a monitor and kept checking. You have to do what's best for you all, including you and DP getting a bit of grown up time IMO.

We had an angel monitor. It gave me peace of mind when DS was little and in the bedroom when I wanted to watch TV next door.

He slept in the same room as us until about 6 months when he went into his own room. prob will do the same with the new DC.

DS is nearly 2 and I have only just stopped setting the angel monitor!

I personally would find it utterly bonkers to sit in a dark room with a sleeping baby for several hours, and a total waste of a nice evening...agree wit PP who said only smartphones etc in the last few years makes this possible now, and before that, no-one was doing it. Even now, I've never heard of anyone doing it in real life
DD always slept badly when up with us, so we put her down in the bedroom, with the monitor on, and checked her regularly...and had a nice dinner in peace or watched telly, or whatever

It is just on here you will get a disproportionate view on the spectrum. Just like on here everyone bf for years and eats organic.

You're so right Libraries Great username btw, I was a huge Manics fan back in the day.

Thanks. It's a recent name change. I fancied an ode to my lost youth.

Both my dds were downstairs in Moses basket until about 4.5/5 mths when the light/conversation/tv noise would make it more difficult to settle them. I then used to settle them upstairs in our room into cot or asleep on bed next to me while I (or DP) would watch the iPad or read on my kindle, or get an early night.

For me, I knew what the guidelines were, I knew there was no error in my interpretation of them and would never have forgiven myself if one of them had died. It was for such a short period of time (4-6weeks) it really wasn't that much of a sacrifice

This is why it's so tricky to know what's best! I feel like I would be happy in a few weeks with DS being in bed on his own for am hour or so but then I read one dog's comment and wonder if I am being selfish.

You're not being selfish!! The 6 month recommendation is a statistical "thing"- nothing magically happens at 6 months+1 day! If you're happy with him being in bed for an hour or so then do. Evening time as a adult can be extremely valuable.

I think it's possible to be a bit too literal with one's interpretation of the guidelines. To think that you're putting your child at real risk of death by not sitting with them in a darkened room all evening - well, that's extreme. It's also your prerogative as a parent if you wish to interpret SIDS guidelines in that way.

You're not being selfish Mrs.

you're not being selfish, as long as you are comfortable with what you're doing, it doesn't matter a bit that someone else does it differently.
Risks are all relative, and letting baby sleep for an hour in a room on his own with a monitor on is a statistically tiny risk (especially if you respect the big SIDs-prevention recommendations like sleeping on the back, cool room, no excess bedding) - its not like you're putting him in a car with no car seat !

There is risk in everything in life. I think it is really important to remember that the guidelines are there to indicate ways in which you can reduce the RISK of SIDS. However, it is essential to remember that the RISK of SIDS to start with is VERY low - therefore everyone has to assess what feels right for them in the light of the LEVEL of risk involved.

SIDS affects 1 in 3000 live births in the UK = 0.03% of babies

I was once told that this level of risk is roughly the same as the number of children under the age of 5 that are either seriously injured or killed in car accidents every year.

Thank you for the voices of reason!

I think, as parents, there is a natural desire to 'make the bad things go away'. People do sometimes cling onto having done everything to the letter as some sort of magic talisman that nothing will happen. And often manically repeat the 'I would never forgive myself if' (You hear this a lot about alcohol too. "I'd never forgive myself if one glass of champagne at my own wedding whilst pregnant....")

The reality is that risk of SIDS is low. There are lots of things you can do to reduce it - most importantly not having any smokers in the household and baby sleeping on their back (plus not being prem or seriously poorly). Staying with them every second is fine if you want to do it. But it's also such a low, low, low risk that it is perfectly legitimate to balance your own needs and your own mental health in the equation. That is not selfish. That is learning that no one in the perfect text book parent.

I was talking to someone at the weekend whose oldest child is the same age as mine (6) and she was baffled that this is something people seem to do now. Like me, no one she knew did it in 2009. I think phones and the internet have a lot to answer for in the weight of expectation.

I was talking to someone at the weekend whose oldest child is the same age as mine (6) and she was baffled that this is something people seem to do now. Like me, no one she knew did it in 2009.

By this ^ I assume you meant sit in the dark? Because my youngest is 8 and she stayed with us in the living-room until we went to bed when she was a baby, as did DC1 who is 29. It is nothing new.

Yes. Sit in the dark. Sorry, I clarified in a post yesterday that I only knew people who had the baby downstairs with them or put them to bed. No sitting in the dark that I was aware of.

Yes Libraries -All of the parents with older children I know wouldn't have even considered sitting in a dark room with their babies, keeping them downstairs with them, maybe but not going to bed at 7pm.

Yes. I find it baffling how utterly consumed by low level terror many parents seem to have become in such a short time. I read on here and everyone is buying dopplers and sensor mats and sitting in the dark.

It didn't seem that way in 2009.

And it were all trees there

We kept dd in the living room til her last feed at 10pm until about 3 months when she dropped that feed and started struggling majorly with staying up for it. She wouldn't settle on either of us at that time, she just wanted her bed.
She now goes to bed in our room at around 7.30-8 with sensor mat and video monitor and we got to bed between 9.30-10.
We don't have room in the living room for a cot and she's a very light sleeper. I put her down for naps in a different room too as my two year old wakes her all the time.

It's a nice idea in theory but in practice it doesn't always work, especially if you have more than one child!

We kept DD downstairs in Moses basket with us until we went to bed and we then took her up with us. We moved her into her own room at about 4.5 months and used a monitor while we enjoyed our evening. I know 4.5 months is earlier than guidelines recommend but we felt it was right for us all and she slept much better.

After speaking to other parent friends not many had waited til 6 months, some put them in their own rooms from very early on. I didn't want to move her til at least 4 months as I had read SIDS risk significantly drops from then onwards. She's nearly 8 months old now.

It is also perfectly ok to follow the guidelines "to the letter" if it makes you comfortable and your baby cooperates with them.
It is not for long, and does not have to involve dark rooms.

Yes, absolutely. I was planning on sticking with what we were doing til 6 months but she started teething at 4.5 months and her sleep got very disrupted. It was hard for her to stay settled downstairs with us. She slept better on her own in a quiet, dark room. We had the monitor of course (we have a sensor pad too which I know is a newer thing) so could go to her as soon as she needed comfort or re-settling. It's just what ended up working for us, every baby is different and as I'm quickly learning nothing seems to be quite the way you envisaged it!