Sister's new boyfriend hugging my son

[nam207]

Hi, I'd like people's thoughts on a situation that's been bothering me.

My sister has a new boyfriend she's only been seeing a few months and I've only met him a total of 5 times.

I have a 2.5 year old son and the new boyfriend is very huggy with him and it's making me feel uncomfortable.

The first time he hugged him was as they were saying goodbye on the first time we met. I thought it was unusual for someone to hug a non-relative's child they had only just met but my sister had just hugged my son so I thought maybe he felt he should.

Since then its clear that he is instigating the hugs. So much so that this weekend he actually picked my son up from sitting on the sofa just to do it.

My sister's boyfriend isn't huggy with me or other adults and so I'm finding it a bit odd - I'd personally have to know a child and the parents pretty well before I'd consider hugging them appropriate.

What does everyone else think? AIBU or is it a bit taboo?

How can I say anything without it causing a big stink?

Thank you for your thoughts.

I'm with you, Bertrand.

Get a grip, amarmai they are all in the same room, nothing can happen. No one is suggesting sending them off together.

I think the high fiving suggestion is a good one op. You could also comment to your Dsis that her bf is so affectionate towards your DS and see what she says; if it's something like 'Yes, he misses his kids' then I'd say you have no cause for concern.

Intuition is not always right. I see inappropriate behaviour everywhere but I know those are due to my issues and not necessarily reliable; my false positive rate is VERY high.

Threads like these make me so sad.
Last weekend, some very old friends of mine came over for the day with their 3 year old and 7yo. DH hasn't met either the friends or children before.
The 3 year old dd was scared of the dog barking next door so DH scooped her up and stood on a chair to look over the fence, and later she sat on his lap to do 'grand old duke of York' while I cooked.
A few days later, we got a picture from her to say thank you for the 'horse ride' and lunch. I didn't know we should have expected a visit from SS or the police instead

I'm trained in child protection and never was I taught that parents should "trust their instincts

DB who is a police officer always tells parents to trust their gut and he's has extensive training.

I think people should give OP the benefit of the doubt. She has said several times that she is not accusing him of being a child molester.

She has also said that his behaviour is not in keeping with the rest of his behaviour.

It's possible that there's nothing there. It's just as possible that there is.

"DB who is a police officer always tells parents to trust their gut and he's has extensive training. "

Maybe not extensive enough............

It is utter bollocks to talk about trusting your gut- because that would mean trusting your gut about people being OK as well. Which is obviously a ridiculous thing to do.

"Maybe not extensive enough..."

It has been extensive, you're going to have to take my word for it.

I didn't say he acts on every 'instinct', but he doesn't ignore and dismiss parents' feelings either. He's not that arrogant...

Ah, right. So he doesn't tell parents to "always trust their gut"- he just doesn't "ignore and dismiss their feelings". A bit different, I think you'll agree.

I probably worded it badly but yes, in fairness I think it's more "I'll listen to your gut instincts" than "I will blindly believe whatever you say".

I'd have a word with your sister. And also ask why her why he doesn't want her to meet his children? explain to your sister how you feel and I'm sure she can have a word.

"I'd have a word with your sister. And also ask why her why he doesn't want her to meet his children? explain to your sister how you feel and I'm sure she can have a word."

Yeah- because that's not going to upset her at all!