Toddler and New Baby- Support thread!

[cowbiscuits]

Inspired by a thread last week where someone's DH was just going back to work... There's bound to be a lot of mums in this situation so I thought we could all have a rant, a laugh, and share any tips.

My DS2 is 7 weeks and DS2 is 2y9m. It's still a struggle when it's just us and I feel awful for my bigger boy who just wants me to play with him!

I dread the end of the weekend. But thanks to slings and ceebeebies we're all still alive!

Anyone else want to share? How are you all getting on?

Sorry for the typos.... I blame no sleep!

cowbiscuits yes I'm ok thank you, absolutely gutted for her and could cry every time i see her little leg in plaster but she's coping really well and not making a fuss despite being massively frustrated. DH has managed to arrange working from home a few days this week to give me a hand, it's just hard having to carry her everywhere at this stage of pregnancy!

Dec1314 I feel your pain about sleep. DD1 is currently appearing to hate her cot. She takes ages to settle at bedtime and if she wakes in the night. She does have nights of good sleep and there is no pattern to what happens prior to a bad one, so we are at a total loss as to how to solve it. 3 hours awake last night, ended up in spare room with DH. We have bought bed guards in anticipation of converting the cot into toddler bed, but then that will probably just result in a 16 month old rampaging round her room! I guess life has suddenly changed in a huge way for her, although she is pretty good in the daytime so perhaps her stress hormones are just quite high making it hard to settle.
In the meantime I'm in the middle of postnatal hormones, DD2 feeding well at night, sleepy in the day!! Joy. It will pass and they are both lovely, I know it will be ages till I get anything resembling a good nights sleep.

Can join you ladies please? I'm due any day and have a 20 month old. She's thankfully not in plaster though

Looking forward to sharing tips and stories of gentle harmless neglect over the coming weeks ...

I have 2, am out of the baby and toddler phase and into toddler and preschooler phase now. My advice would be: let the standards slip while the sleep deprivation is happening - otherwise you will become a zombie. I second the advice about other friends with children - I had a saviour friend when mine were newborn and toddler, and it made the 'I think I might curl up and cry' moments into 'laugh out loud' moments most of the time. Finally, I personally found it important to leave the house every single day as this kept my toddler busy, tired and baby out and made the time fly (packing to go out with 2 under 3 - enough to while away at least an hour!). Garden centre, soft play, friends house, mums house, neighbours (literally just to say hi), park, walk, baby group, health visitor weighing, town, supermarket, post box etc etc. The outings kept me sane! Good luck ladies

As I lie on the floor by DD1's cot browsing MN, and keeping texting DH to check the baby doesn't need feeding yet, I came across a thread on managing 3 under 2 in the multiples section. Crikey.

Lilipot we're in exactly the same situation. Our DS1 was sleeping well and now takes bloody ages to settle-usually after a melt down (DH in there with him at the moment still trying to get him to sleep!) if he wakes in the night, one of us has to sit with him till he goes back to sleep. At the mo, I'm trying to get DS2 to sleep in his Moses basket-happy days!

I was hoping a day at the beach today in the sun would have tired them out. No such luck.

Hey everyone, just wondering how you are all getting on? Are you finding it easier as they get older? I'm still very sleep deprived!

I am due DD1 in the next week and a half and have DS1 who is currently 18 months. I have a previous career childcare background but am still in panic mode about this! I think we have DS1's routine as well organised as we can to fit a newborn into it but it totally depends on what she is like! We have no family nearby either so for the main part we are flying solo. My parents are coming up to help for the actual labour bit and to look after DS1.

How is everyone doing? I was looking for this thread and it would be really good to keep it active.
My 17 month old is now in the middle of a "Wonder Week", developmental growth spurt and has moments of being very cranky and distressed. Or I suppose it could be jealousy, but mainly she remains quite affectionate towards the baby.
I have had a lot of help from my family until on my feet after the c-section, I find it pretty challenging to have them both on my own but getting used to it. I need to master the art of the sling. And streamline my change bag yet make sure I have what I need handy.
There must be some very new babies now?

Hi, I have a 6 week old and a 2.7 year old. We are all coping well with the changes but I feel guilty for having less time to play with DS, leaving DD to cry more, and living in a much messier house. I'm sure the housework will improve over time but how do you ever feel like each child has enough of your time and attention?

That's what I worry about. My 14wk DS is left to cry, something I never did with my oldest DS. We're potty training too which started as a nightmare as DS wanted to stay in nappies 'like his brother'. Feel like we're getting there this week but he's still jealous. As soon as I sit down to feed baby, he says 'mummy, I need wee!' It's sad really as he knows he get attention when on the potty!

Our house is small and were still doing building works on it so if its messy, I really can't cope so desperately try and keep it tidy.

It's still the lack of sleep that gets me. Messed up youngest DS sleep and he only settles at night on me. Oldest DS sleep is a complete nightmare too-my DH has taken it sleeping in his room with him as he just won't sleep if we leave the room and gets so upset. Not sure where it went so wrong!!

Came on good old mumsnet to get tips on bedtime with 8 week old ds who is a cluster feeder and 2 year old dd whose bedtime happens to be smack in the middle of the cluster feeding. Finding it all a bit stressful, fully aware I need to chill out about all sorts of things, housework, mealtimes etc but I think I only survived parenthood with dd by having a strict routine and now it's all out the window I'm falling to pieces! X

Muddy my health visitor's response to the cluster feeding issue was to feed the baby in my older DDs room as we did bedtime. I wasn't convinced about this but actually when I tried it she didn't seem too put out by the baby being there. I'm lucky that my DH is home in time and has taken over bedtime for our eldest and they have a nice little routine going (he's sorted it much better than I ever did!).

With regards to giving each enough attention, I don't know the answer to that. Not so worried about the baby as my eldest is part-time at nursery but my baby feeds so frequently I find it hard to feel that the eldest gets enough of my time. I am hoping this will settle down, otherwise strongly considering introducing an odd bottle or two but cannot think where the time to express will come from and causing myself angst about formula which I probably need to just get over!

Lilipot15 I am going to try to feed ds in dd's room tonight if needs be, I have before it's just bloody uncomfortable and he has a disturbed feed or else read a story downstairs before we head up. Its impossible even to get her bathed and dressed without him screaming so I don't actually think it will help much, apart from being able to read her a story which is what I feel the most guilt about! I hate not enjoying this bit because I know he'll grow up too fast but actually it's pretty shit!

Lilipot15 also know what you mean about formula. I am bf and am dairy free in case ds has an allergy like dd. I can't express at the moment as he still feeds loads at night. I have promised myself if he does have cmpa I am switching to prescription formula as I can't handle a year of being vegan. I need cheeeese! I will probably feel guilty about it though. Sigh. X

muddy - DD1 was allergic to milk so I switched to a prescription formula and mix fed from around 5 months and stopped BF at 7 months. I'm presently eating dairy and keeping fingers crossed for DD2! I too missed cheese.
That is part of the reason I'm more anxious about formula, as I imagine it's a greater load of cow's milk to the gut than through breast milk. It was great when DD1 took a bottle though. Trying to express is on my list of things to do but at the moment things like food shopping and washing my hair are far higher!

Ps good luck with bedtime muddy, our cluster feeding has commenced.

Just popped on to say hi. DS2 is 3 m and DS1 is 3.1 so not sure he counts as a toddler still! But just wanted to say it's nice to know that everyone else finds it hard. Will hold my hand up and say we're another case of too many beige meals, too much TV and a house that is a complete tip. But after a month of chicken pox, colds and potty training, I've given up feeling guilty!

I'm lucky because DS2 is at nursery 4 days a week, and I rarely have both DCs on my own, but every time i do I completely dread it. It's getting better each time I do it, but I'm looking forward to a time when it doesn't feel like such a big deal. How the hell do SAHM's cope?! DM says she honestly can't remember?

Good luck to everyone. And for those of you who are still expecting DC2, please don't be put off - it's hard but will all be worth it in the end!

Hello can I join? I have a one week old dd and 15 month old ds. Recovering from a c section and wondering what lies ahead!

I'm going to a sling library session next week, we've got a double buggy ready for action, Ceebeebies and rotation of toys - just need to heal quickly as I can't pick my toddler up at all and he is being clingy with my dh and not interested in me at all at the moment :-(

Hello, would love to join too if that's OK! 6 month old and 2.6 year old here. Elder DC is in nursery three days a week and very lovely, but in midst of a 'challenging' phase. Younger DC also lovely but an adamant bottle refuser - they drink from a cup once they're on solids properly, right?! Mummy would like one night off from bedtime please...

Ooh me too please!
Dd is 20 months. Ds is 2 weeks.
Rockchick - I also had a c section and dd has been struggling. She has been through a massive stage of not loving me ('no mummy, daddy) and has been very unsettled by it all.

I still have lots of help (thankfully!) so not had them both on my own yet, bit scared about what might happen when that comes round! Would love any tips!

Welcome new people.
I had a C section and had lots of help afterwards. My DH has some holiday now and is spending most of his time minding our 17 month old. My main difficulty is the time taken up breast feeding at the moment, but hopefully that is improving a bit. I really don't know how I'd be managing it without help, as DD1 is just so lively and needs lots of attention at present.
I am enjoying it but it's tiring and just takes so long to get out if we're going in the car - much easier to walk places!

Rockchick definitely worth looking into a sling, although be careful if you're not properly healed after the C-section. I've had some days when my baby will not be put down and I've gritted my teeth against the heat and put her in the sling. Think it is also the way to manage playgroups on your own too.
I'm also very happy that I've met another local mum in the same position, as whilst there are some lovely new mums of first babies, I can't quite imagine taking the noisy, running girl that is DD1 to a meet up at someone's house. Trying to encourage her to sit down calmly is tricky at this age....and she loves babies and wants to kiss them and examine ears and eyes!!

Hello can I join in? I have a 21 month old and a 2 week old and am currently recovering from my 2nd c-section, both babies were breech.
I am finding the recovery harder this time, not sure if that's because it was my 2nd time and a little more complicated in theatre or just because I need to do more this time.
DH is back to work in a week and I have no idea how I am going to cope. I have a close caboo sling which I tried out the other day but it left me really sore so I think I need to wait a bit longer.