Is it acceptable to smack a 9 year old?

[Tillytoes14]

Hi, do you think it's ever acceptable to smack a 9 year old child. My husband has told me tonight that he feels our son needs a good smack. My husband struggles with managing our son when he answers back, or sometimes when he has been rude, he has an issue with how our son eats at the table too, sometimes he uses his fingers instead of his knife and fork and tonight he flipped and said he would put all of our sons dinner in the bin, if he used his fingers again during dinner time. To be honest I'm completely shocked with how irrational my husband has reacted to this behaviour. My husband has also told me I'm too soft and that by sending him to his room to reflect when he is rude, etc, isn't big enough a punishment, although it works fairly well. I do think my husband has a power struggle and when he feels our son has pushed the boundaries, he feels powerless and loses control. He was also hit a lot as a child. I don't however agree with smacking, or any sort of physical punishment for a child, I think you can teach a child respect without using force. This evening it has caused a big atmosphere between us because it has become apparent we have very different parenting styles/views. Any advice would be appreciated. Thanks!

Yes I was devastated by smacking too. I heals it against my father for years and it caused a rift.

I second The Incredible Years recommendation. I have just done the course through the Children Centre and it has transformed my relationship with my DD. I didn't realize how much I needed to change my attitude towards her in order to improve her behaviour. There are so many other things you can do before you even get to punishments that are actually more effective and less disrespectful. Have a look at the book but I highly recommend the course as it helps you put it into practice.

Smacking a child so it leaves a mark is illegal. Simple. I doubt from our post that the smack would be 'a tap on the hand?'. Hitting a child is wrong. "He needs a good smack' is a little old school and barbaric. Anger management course recommended!

STICK to your guns and do NOT introduce any kind of smacking at any age. At some point soon that 9yr old boy will turn into a hulk of a man and your dh will pay the price and you will have a serious problem on your hands.
Taking the dinner away is a simple way to encourage good eating habits, but I think you were just using this as an example.
If this were me dh and I would be sitting down and working out the boundaries between us of what is acceptable and a plan (that we are both comfortable with and does not involve violence) to deal with it. Ipad bans, time out in room, grounding, etc. There are lots of websites with some ideas on how to encourage good behaviour and different forms of disciplines, do your homework and then sit down and decide how to deal with it. Ds is just doing what all children do, they all stretch boundaries. Rude behaviour is normal part of growing up (sadly!) but can be addressed without smacking definitely. I think your dh needs to remain strong but firm, and to make a pact with you that introducing his own childhood traumas to your family is not a good idea. It can sometimes be a default when we are tired, under pressure but give dh plenty of other strategies to use instead and you should be fine.