Is something missing from my life if I don't have a DD?

[Margie32]

I have two gorgeous DSs and we probably aren't going to have any more DC. In the last week, two pregnant mums of DSs have found out that they're having DDs and their comments have been really smug - something along the lines of how lucky they are to be having girls after having boys. It pissed me off, as I never felt I was unlucky to have a second DS, I was thrilled.

It's not the first time that mums of DDs have made me feel like I'm missing out on something by not having a DD. I had a pretty awful relationship with my Mum until I became a mother in my 30s and she always got on better with my brothers, so I definitely didn't feel a desire to have DDs rather than DSs.

But do you think the pregnant Mums are right - is there something special between a mum and a DD that a mum of DSs can never experience?

I think that your relationships with your children is about a great deal more than their gender. I know plenty of boys/men who are very close to their mothers, and fundamentally that's becasue they have a really good relationship. I also know girls/women who do not get on well with their mothers, again mostly to do with their relationships.

I always found my father easier to get on with personally, while my brother has always had a special relationship with my mother.

I have a ds and a dd and it has been really interesting parenting them and watching them grow up. There are of course some differences, when they were younger they both went through some very stereotypically gendered phases (especially in early primary) some of which I found hard to manage (I am a non-girly feminist so got quite wound up at times!). As teenagers my dd is no more inclined to strops than she ever has been (ds is generally more volatile). ds is much more like me in character so we have a lot in common but some of dd's experiences are fundamentally about being a girl/woman so I guess we bond over those.

In short, all children (and their parents) are unique, and sex/gender is a/should be pretty small part of the package.

The huge advantage of all sons is that you get lovely DIL.

I never understand why people think gender has anything to do with parent child relationships. It is all to do with personality.

What would you say the main differences are? Do you find one sex more fulfilling and enjoyable than the other? X

I get comments like this all the time with my 2 DSs. So often that I should have come up with some quick comebacks by now but I always think of them too late when I’m replaying it after!
You can never have experiences of EVERYTHING in life, surely this is the same. But people really don’t need to pity me. And I LOVE relishing in the moments where my calm, polite boys do me proud infront of other children (of whatever sex ofc) and defy any stupid ‘boys will be boys’ stereotypes. Maybe I am one of these smug mums after all.