Guilt about going to a children's centre as a well off middle class person

[JuniorAngler]

I go to my local children's centre fairly regularly. I discovered it though midwife appointments which were held there, and after DC was born have made use of the regular stay and play sessions, baby massage classes etc, which are all free.

None of my NCT group ever went there, and it was clear that most of the other parents attending were perhaps from the poorer end of the socioeconomic scale, but people were friendly and I've kept going back, and I have a good time as does DC.

I've recently learnt more about how children's centres work, and it seems their main aim is to target as many resources as possible towards the poorer most deprived families and children. And I also leant about how underfunded they are.

This made me worry that by taking advantage of all these free sessions, I am taking money and resources away from a less well off family that could really use them more than me...

I could easily afford to attend all the £10 a session music and rhyming baby classes that my NCT group seem to prefer, it's just they seemed a bit of a waste of money when I had the children's centre stuff available for free!

I may be over thinking this, but should I feel guilty? Or should childrens centre resources be available to all regardless of income?

Yes please go. I used one loads when I was on a low income. As others have said, you'll be helping it stay open. You could always ask about making a donation to them if you want to help fund them more directly in lieu of paying for classes, but I don't know if they take donations as I don't think they are set up as charities.

And what imiss said.

When Children Centres first came into being, they were meant to be available to all. Universal access. Yes, that has changed in the past five years. But you are adding to their numbers. There may well be invitation only events and classes that you do not know about as you are not in the target group for them. If there was an issue with your attendance, you would know.

It's vital to have high attendance at Sure Start centres so they don't gget cut even more than they are now. And there's no reason why a relatively well off person shouldn't struggle with parenthood and the good thing about these centres is that often the staff are qualified childcare practitioners and can help and have access to information about services that can help as well. Just because the local fancy baby sensory/yoga class costs money doesn't mean you'd get good advice and support there! Having worked alongside these centres for years, there wasn't a push to limit it to targeted areas/families until the Tory government decided that it shouldn't be a universal service (but as they can't actually stop people coming to them they instead cut the staff and cut the number of centres and the amount of 'general' groups such as stay and play etc. Dont feel guilty, they are wonderful places and more fool your NCT classmates who don't realise this.

Funny you should mention this, I just had a call to say I can go to some groups from the children's centre and I'm really looking forwards to it. I live in a very rural area with no babies in our village and I really need some little mates for my little one. im also quite lonely finding human contact limiting in the day time so I am very much looking forwards to it.

I did look at all the private sessions and would have paid and gone but they are not as close by.

My thought is if we don't use the centres we will lose them.

This has never crossed my mind and I go to the children's centre most weeks and I guess I'm average, or well off when not on maternity leave.
I think it's good to have a mix of people at baby groups, and I think it's good for children not just to mix along class lines (or nationality, cultural background or anything else).
I find the children's centre to be more welcoming and more supportive than many of the more expensive groups and I'm so glad I found it.

CCs are a lifeline, do continue to support them.
I (high earner, no PND, no special needs, no problems bfeeding) can't speak highly enough about my local CC, made a huge difference to me while on mat leave. It was so supportive, helpful, had lovely staff and dd absolutely loved going there.

Keep going, as people said it keeps their numbers up!

Ours was open every day except Sundays and I used to take ds every day from 10-2pm, met loads of lovely people from all walks of life,we even had his birthday parties there. I have very happy memories and to say it kept me sane is not an exaggeration.

It'd be much worse if all the 'I'm too rich for this' people stayed away and the place shut down!

This absolutely, and also the comment re a mixture of people attending so they don't become stigmatised.

A couple of years ago I asked a very longstanding (non-local) pregnant friend if she had checked out whether she had a Surestart Centre in her town and what kind of baby groups etc were on offer for after her LO was born. She replied, "Oh no, I don't think we really have the sort of people that need that type of thing round here" .

After just about managing not to snort coffee out of my nose with rage, I made the point I mentioned above about class, money and professional status showing no respect for a number of issues people with young children might face, but I still don't think she 'got' it tbh, and I'm not entirely sure my opinion of her has every truly recovered .

Think of it like libraries ... "use it or lose it". More demand is the only way to keep them funded.
I work in a school in a poorer area and volunteer for nct, have also worked in children's centres. I'm pretty average income wise - poorer than my nct ladies, more comfortably off than many of the ladies at the centre.

Oh also use library kid sessions - same reason!

Where I live pretty much everyone goes to the children's centre stay and play groups though there are clearly other services which are on the timetable but targeted at specific groups (eg young mums) or by invitation only.
Maybe it's because we're in a rural area and there aren't any baby yoga or similar classes in our small town (no swimming pool/soft play either). There is all of this not far away but it's a drive or bus ride.
I always make sure I sign in (as I presume this is linked to attendance and funding) and at any opportunity write positive feedback about how useful I've found it.

I used these places when mine were younger although they weren't called "Sure Start" etc then and we're even more poorly funded.

I wasn't on a low income so I did things like donate "spare" nappies, brought teabags and coffee, offered lifts and generally tried to put something back in some small way

It made me feel better anyway

Use it as much as you can the two closest to us have just been shut down. The one we went to had lots of groups which were well attended until the council cut the staffs hours which had a knock on effect of what groups were then on offer which led to less attendance. Then they suggested that parents could run the groups but that they would need some training and crb checks which most parents didn't or couldn't complete and so the groups slowly closed including groups that rented rooms from the centre until attendance was so poor they closed it.

I can also vouch for there being invitation only sessions which target the most in need as I was invited to a couple when I was struggling :) Your presence at the normal sessions allows these to continue.

Wow! What a fantastic response. You have totally reassured me. In fact I realise now how important it is for me to attend, I totally understand how a mix of people is a good thing for everyone.

And actually I realised that I have already done a little bit of volunteering type stuff for them, and so will definitely continue to try and help out in the future.

And thanks for explaining the background of it all in more detail, I get it.

Children's centres are great aren't they.

Our Children's Centres have charity tins in them, just on the desk where you sign in. I stuffed £5 in each week when I did a parenting course, there was crafty stuff each week and we got a bag of books at the end, it was good value.

We are also often asked to fill in questionnaires about what we think about the centres, so i assume they need as many people as possible to continually justify their existence - however rich or poor.

They are open to evetryone in this area, no matter what your postcode or social background. They actively encourage people to attend (eg. Midwives give out leaflets during pregnancy, health visitors promote them and staff visit all the playgroups in the area to drum up business). They want anyone who wants to to attend and that continues up until school age. I really wouldn't feel guilty!

Sorry to throw a spanner in the works, but my local sure start centre had quite a lot of trouble with this. To the point that they had to introduce mainly invite only sessions. They have only two open stay and play and tiny rhyme sessions.

Last year they had to give out invites to the Christmas party because the year before rich mums from a near by suburb descended on masse and local mums from the estate 30 secs away had to be turned away. The sessions are regularly full and people have to be turned away.

Are these only available in England? They seem good, shame

I used to go to a breastfeeding support group when my first baby was tiny. It was all very middle class - all Bugaboos and John Lewis babygros - and one week we all had to fill in a form about our socioeconomic and ethnic backgrounds. Everyone jokingly apologized to the leader for not being in the target demographic, but she told us that every few weeks a teenage or ethnic minority mother would come along and benefit from the service, and if we didn't show up in the meantime the group would close due to lack of interest and then she wouldn't be able to help anyone.

I thought children's centres were for anyone who needed support regardless off background/ income?

I felt this but one of the workers there said it was often the middle class mothers that were most isolated as they had moved away from their families (we were in London) whilst many more materially deprived people had more community support.

I've always thought that whenever a "benefit" or service is universal then usually that is designed to break down the barrier netween those who "need" it and those who don't. If all sections of society use a service it eliminates any potential stigma that could be associated with the use of that service.

**Children centre staff do like parents from a variety of backgrounds as it means parents tend to model different parenting styles which is really beneficial to many attending.

This. It's good for cohesion, overcoming barriers, you benefit, your polar opposite benefits. Keep going. I found parenting, in the end, is about values. My NCT group are long gone, I'm in with the really real crowd these days.

I used my local sure starts lots when I was on mat leave and now my daughter attends the nursery in one of them. I live in a more deprived area of a large city and most of the sessions were free or had a nominal charge (£1) to attend. The majority of my NCT group lived in the nice area and all the groups bar stay and play were charged for at their sure start. Don't feel guilty OP they are there to be used by all parents. I did so some paid groups too but the free ones were great for meeting local mums.

Maybe you could offer to buy the coffee and biscuits anonymously , or fund raise on their behalf if you feel bad?