I'm still a parent when I'm in work....

[BeeInYourBonnet]

Thought I'd get some value out of the new topic by bringing up the whole full time/part time parent argument (stir stir ) - specifically the notion that FT WOHM are not parenting when they are at work.

What things have you done this week in work that involve parenting your children?

I have done the following:

Spent my lunchtime organising for someone to help out at Brownies.
Arranged for my DH to pick someone else's child up from Beavers as well as DS.
Started work at 7 so I could leave to go to my DSs assembly for an hour.
Skyped my DD from a business trip to help with homework.

Interesting that whilst I am in the office, I appear to still be a parent!!

Not sure I follow? If you are a parent, you are always 'on call' regardless of what you or your DC are doing and whether they are with you?

I know SAHP parents sometimes describe themselves as 'full time parents'. I think it's a clumbsy phrase rather than a dig at wohp. My lunch time is usually taken up by some chore or other. That said, DS is only 16 months so not too high maintenance. My colleague has a teenage daughter who rings her constantly about GCSEs or boys.

Wasn't the point of these new boards to reduce bunfights? [Grin]

When I'm at work my parental role is 'sub contracted' to the school then childminder/after school care in my absence. I might always be on call but that actual work involved at those times of the day is not done by me. I'm not sure why you need to make the point you are still a parent at work - why wouldn't you be? You surely recognise that the supervision & engagement element of the role you do as a parent while at work, is done by someone else & that is the point mainly made by SAHP? By virtue of the role, they do all that part of the role of parent & don't pass that into anyone else. You & I don't, because we work.

Unless there is another reason why a SAHP saying they are a 'full time parent' rankles, I fail to understand the point of this thread.

Nothing

Know what you mean. This week I have spoken to my son's teacher on the phone twice and paid for a school trip via parent pay.

OP, why are you arranging for your DH to pick someone else up from Beavers? Couldn't he do that himself if you have him the number of the other parent?

'Full time parent' is not a dig at parents who work. It is not saying they are any less of a parent. It's a clumsy term designed to describe a parent who carries out the full time care of their child, with no childcare. By definition, a parent who works outside of the home cannot be caring for their child full time.

Presumably you chose to have DCs.
Just get on with it.
What did you think life would be like with kids?
Not everything can be out sourced.

Generally none. But I have spent a great deal of time in making sure I have several safety nets in place, there's a plan and a person in charge for pretty much any emergency I could think of.

I spose I was being a bit sarky, following reading through the 'site stuff' thread where there was a bit of a bun fight about the term full time parenting.

But from a non-bunfighty standpoint, I am interested in the juggling that WOHPs do to make everything work. The reality (or at least MY reality) is that I am not able to 'subcontract' everything. I can be in a meeting and have a call from the school cos one of my DCs are ill, school clubs can be cancelled last minute, sometimes I am stuck in traffic coming back from a business trip frantically ringing people who can collect the DCs from after school club.

Tension has it spot on in my view.

Nice one Paxtecum. Any other insights?

Im a lp and I only work school hours, with no childcare other than their school, so by the definition given by youmakemyheartsmile am I a full time parent or not?

Well I actually teach my DD so I really do get to work and parent together.

It's a clumsy term designed to describe a parent who carries out the full time care of their child, with no childcare. By definition, a parent who works outside of the home cannot be caring for their child full time.

Neither do SAHP, once their child is in school.

I'm earning money so I can feed them, I suppose that counts.

Yes of course you are always a parent. Whather you are SAHM with kids in school or a WOHP.

But I'd really dispute that you are "parenting" in the absence of your children, booking clubs and paying for lunches/trips is admin not parenting.

Does anyone seriously still care about the semantics? Unless you have friends who are dismissive of your choise - in which case I can imagine you being sensitive about it but other than that, who cares?

Soft I didn't realise we were only talking about SAHP parents with children in school. My DD is 18 months and we have no one nearby to help out, and no nursery so she is in my care 24/7.

It was only ever really a very few posters who ever tried to argue that working mums were not 'parenting' as much, or as well as, them.
You can see on the site stuff thread where it was actually the SAHMs who put a particularly irritating evangelical SAH type in her place.

Most people were and are always generally accepting of everyone, and agreed that you make the choices that work for you and your family in the circumstances you have at the time.

It rankles though when you seem to spend all your life juggling everything, and then a 'SAHM' to school children pops up and says you 'aren't there for your kids like she is...' - this was always inevitably one or two posters on a thread who were deliberately stirring the pot to get a reaction imo (and the same from the other side, where one or two vociferous working mums would decree that all non-working mums are lazy etc).

It's nice to have the separate boards actually, I hope it stops the misunderstandings (and the small amount of deliberate goading obvs).

I'm another who doesn't get the point of the OP.

You have kids. Wherever and however you work, whatever you do, however old they are, your life will always be impacted by them somehow or other. So you did a bit of admin and made a couple of calls: I fail to see what this has to do with being any specific type of parent. Of course you do this, and then some. Do you really expect to do none of this ever?

I have been a SAHP and am currently a WOHP with a SAHD partner and I think it is a real shame if this WOHP board is going to be filled with threads like this.

Why do you think it's a real shame? I think it's very important for WOHP's to counter suggestions that we aren't proper or real parents. Especially when the evangelical SAHPs include people who have no children actually in their home! The thread in site stuff referred to upstream was really quite nasty in places.

Brock - I don't expect not to do this at all. My point is exactly what you are saying! Whether I work, or don't work, I (with DH) have to do all school admin, homework supervision, deal with changes to school events, ill children. Being a WOHP doesn't exempt you from parenting, and actually parenting school age children is more or less the same whether you work or don't work. You might just go to bed later!!!!

I spose I was being a bit goady, but I do get upset by the attitudes on sahp/whom threads. Surely the WOHP area should be a place where we can discuss some of the issues and frustrations, as well as lots of helpful tips and advice, with the benefit of not having a bunfight.

Exactly Narv.

But there are many WOHM who go to work, not so the bills can be paid and food bought, but because they want to.

Being a SAHM is not for them, which is great.

But I don't understand why anyone should whinge about it even if they go to work to keep a modest roof over their family's head.
I think you are being goady, as you have just admitted.

Just get on with it.