I'm still a parent when I'm in work....

[BeeInYourBonnet]

Thought I'd get some value out of the new topic by bringing up the whole full time/part time parent argument (stir stir ) - specifically the notion that FT WOHM are not parenting when they are at work.

What things have you done this week in work that involve parenting your children?

I have done the following:

Spent my lunchtime organising for someone to help out at Brownies.
Arranged for my DH to pick someone else's child up from Beavers as well as DS.
Started work at 7 so I could leave to go to my DSs assembly for an hour.
Skyped my DD from a business trip to help with homework.

Interesting that whilst I am in the office, I appear to still be a parent!!

To be honest you sound as though you would like a medal.

When DH and I work we are earning money. A lot of which is spent on our DC.

I think you're missing the point paxtecum.

It's not about thinking that because you work and 'outsource' childcare etc that you didn't expect to be doing all the stuff mentioned in the OP.

It's countering the goady oft-touted notion that working mums are not 'full time mums'.
That is, you are still a parent, even when you are at work - you don't cease to be a mum just because you are not physically attached to your kids.

Rather than take a dig at SAHPs, I prefer to distinguish between DH and I. Both have careers that are very important to us and earn high wages. But every day it is me who does kids breakfast and gets them dressed, figures out what they are doing for the day, gets them to the right places, deals with all the admin around childcare and clubs, and gets home at the right time. I don't know why it is all me. He thinks his employer demands he works long hours. Maybe that's right, but he would be truly stuffed if I didn't pick up the slack every day and catch up with work every evening once the kids are in bed.

I would have thought providing for DC is an essential function of parenting and one that is very difficult to outsource.

Sigh.

This board was always a bad idea.

Not sure what's the point of this board either.

I worked full time but am on a year of maternity leave. Really not the stay at home type. I actually get work out to do while letting 8mo play on the play mat.

I don't need anyone to validate my choice to work.

I see full time parent as different to being a sahm/d. I see it either as someone who do their partner working a lot or not being interested in the children/home has to do the whole parenting role themselves.

I thought this board resulted from a request for a SAHP board, thus kind of by default we had to have a WOHP one as well. The flow chart of decision making about where to post on a particular subject has thus just got harder - presumably if you think your post or question is just about 'parenting', you would go to the Parenting board. If your post is specifically about being a WOH-parent (or a SAHP) you would go to the relevant board. If your work question might be applicable to working non-parents you might go to Employment Issues, although there is a whole group of boards called 'Work'. Etc.

In terms of my week juggling work and parenting - I had to rearrange a meeting on Monday because school announced the previous Friday they were having a violin concert then and parents of the violin players were invited. I then had to leave the concert before it finished to dash in for another meeting I couldn't cancel, getting to the office at 3:30pm. Thanks for that school. I worked from home on Tuesday so as to be able to do a 'Mad Science' class with ds during school hours in the afternoon. I had to ensure DH knew when to pick ds up on Thursday when the school cancelled a club with no notice. (In DH's defence this is not learned helplessness, he lives in chronic pain and finds concentrating very difficult). Friday I worked late to make up for hours lost in the week.

@BeeInYourBonnet

(stir stir )

Our talk guidelines
And a reminder that whether you're a WOHP or a SAHP or like me a WAHP, one thing we can all do with is some moral support.
Thank you very much.

Hear, hear Olivia.

I thought one of the main purposes of these separate boards was to put an end to all this cringy bollocks.

Why are you trying to justify yourself on the WOHP topic?

People are very rarely one thing all their life - since having DS I have been a full-time WOHP, a part-time WOHP, a full-time SAHM, a full time but flexible work form home parent. At all times I have done what I think works best for DS and I within the constraints of whats actually possible - real life being a bit of a bugger like that.

Surely the arguments about what is "best" or judgements must come from those with little experience of anything other than their own choices. Most of my friends are a broad spectrum of the above and to be honest you really can't tell the difference by watching the children.

I STILL don't get why the semantics of this are important. It is no skin off my nose if a SAHP describes herself as a full-time mum: I don't see it as an attack on my choices and if they want to use it to describe their lives, good luck to them (though I'll admit to raising eyebrows slightly when they're still doing it when their kids are at university, though I have only ever seen that in magazines, not real life).

I am of course still a mum when I'm at work. Sometimes I do some parenting activity from there. But mainly my mind is focused on my work, not my children. Which is very different from my memory of being at home with small kids.

Yes I don't get it either. I am still a parent when I'm at work. But 'parent' as a verb I take ro mean interacting with your child, meeting their immediate needs, helping them develop and grow. No, I'm not doing that, someone else is.

Whilst I did write 'stir stir', I'm not sure why its particularly goady to cover this topic on a WOHP only thread. If I'd posted it in Chat, that would be different.

Its a bit of a moot point once they are at school tbh.

I WOH ,always did the school run or DH did, there was always one of us here after school so we didn't use CC and I cook all my meals from scratch if I had a pound for every time that was rolled out

Some people want to SAH ,some don't have a choice because of their DP/DH work schedule, some people want to WOH, some have to anyway even if they dont want to.
Everyone has completely different circumstances and for me being able to WOH PT was the best choice.

I agree that the threads have always been derailed by one or two posters on each side who make unpleasant inflammatory comments - they are equally unable to understand that everyone is different.

Dealt with DD's resource teacher about a meltdown, sources for assistance and a funny story.

Booked 2 different summer camps (main hunting and agreement was done at home a few weeks ago - I am slowly getting all booked in now). Filled in forms for 4 different camps and sent them off with cheques (DH booked 1, 2 I'd booked and another I'd left a message to book).

Organised a summer calendar for childminder and us.

Dealt with follow up from FHC tea in school last weekend.

Took a half day to get DD to last hockey match of season (all lift options not working out - mostly we've managed).

Organised DD getting to hurling match (while on overseas trip).

Did online food shop for Fri night.

Updated my budget speeadsheet, including the cheques I'd just written out.

Printed out the instruction manual needed for computer club.

Stuff for 1 of DD's clubs comes through my work email, stuff for 1 other club goes through my gmail email which I can only access outside work, stuff for other 2 clubs goes through DH's gmail so I hear about it at the last minute.

I also arranged for DH to take DD to GP when she had sore ears the week before. (He was better able to leave that particular day). But I also had to clear with my boss that I could take time the following day if needed.

I will be taking a half day in a couple of weeks for a clinic appointment. New boss is much stickier about taking time - not working from home. Previous 2 bosses were very understanding, and DH and I have always managed to juggle around things by working early starts, doing a handover of ill DD in town if she's not too ill, doing some work when at home if DD not too poorly, afternoon office person staying later than normal and both catching up at night at home. And taking some leave when needed if DD was too poorly to work around her.

OK, I posted about the title - not the moral issue underlying.

I concentrate on work when I am here. But there are times that a break is needed to change from 1 thing to another, there are times when the pace slows slightly for a bit, and there are times when home priorities do come screaming out needing attention.

So there are often things done at work that are not FOR work.

But I used to do lots of these even before DD arrived, and some even before I was married. Because, realistically, people are people before they are workers. So I will always have a need to organize some things even during the course of the working day. Or do things at my lunchbreak that are for me, my family or others around me, not just eating lunch.

There are plenty of days where work more than earns back its pound of flesh. When I take home work, come in early to get things done or stay late and juggle childcare/collection from afterschool club etc. Or eat nothing but whatever rubbish is lying in my drawer as I get something finished through my lunchbreak that is not taken (pretty regularly actually!).

And often, if something is hanging over you and weighing on your mind, it will make you less able to concentrate all day. Whereas giving these things maybe 10 minutes in the morning means you get a lot more done during the workday - because your mind can focus on the job in hand and isn't split in 5 different directions at once.

I don't really do any parenting at work, or it would get me in trouble for not focusing on my work. I do speak to DS at bedtime though if I am working in the evening, as it falls in my break.

What amuses me is that I can be a full time employee, working 36 hours a week, but some would call me a part time parent, when I am parenting an awful lot more hours a week than I am ever likely to be working. I am too lazy to work out the actual figures.

Well quite velociraptor great name
Why does anyone think parenting 24/7 is a good thing anyway ?
Great for a newborn baby - I BF and so it was 24/7 but once they are a bit older and into school, secondary school etc tbh the FT parent bit is overkill and goes against the DC growing up and being independent.

I have several friends who identify as FT parents to secondary school age DC and quite honestly their constant angst about their DC is not helpful.

I do get cross about "outsourcing parenting" : "why bother having DC" type comments on MN and occasionally in RL.

I live in an affluent area with a high proportion of SAHMs (ONS publishes annual analysis on this), often with a good household income, and in many ways am because they (although very often not their partners) do spend more time with their DC than we do. But the grass is always greener!

duckI thought the benefit of have ng this specific board was that we're wouldn't have the outsourcing parenting nonsense and could just have a discussion, and equally the sahps could have a conversation without me ng told to get a job! Its born ng and isn't going to change anyone's mind. I am a wohp and always have been because it suits me, my personality and my family. I don't really care about anyone else's opinion on my parenting. Its just tedious having ng the same old arguments again and again.

sorry my 'I' s seem to have gone awol!

You are spot on Fancy, but your post did make me laugh.

Ngngngng...

I was trying to think of an animal that goes 'Ng' but can't think of one. :o

a gnu?

A few months ago, I was talking to a SAHM who started saying how awful it must be to spend weekends catching up with housework/homework type stuff. I just laughed and asked when else it was supposed to happen. We all chip in on a Saturday morning. She always takes the kids swimming and does activities with them.

My mum was a SAHM and was way over invested in my life. Even now, DSis & I in our late 40s, if we say we're interested in something, she'll google it and check up on it. She's always looking at the weather for our area (we live in the US) and quite often knows more about what happens in the local paper than I do. It's a bit creepy, tbh. I'm sure that even if she'd financially had to work, she would have been quite involved with our lives, but being full time mother just made it a lot easier for her. She was head of the PTA, and great friends with my headmistress. I know someone has to lead the PTS, but oh the shame of seeing my mother on the stage at prize giving events!