How can she chose to feed her kids this rubbish!

[Livjames1]

Hi this is regarding my SiL. She is a single parent to five children (who is in no way struggling financially) and she chooses to feed them processed junk at every meal and it's really starting to grind on me.

I myself have three children, including one who's autistic and is a fussy eater yet I still manage to provide them a healthy balanced diet. My SiL feeds her kids processed chicken nuggets, pizza and chips, meatballs out of a can, chicken curry out of a can and ready meals from supermarkets basics range! She does this purely out of laziness as she Just can't be arsed to cook and I can't help feel that she's out of order for letting her children eat these types of foods on a regular basis!

She often comes to my house after school when I'm serving up tea for my three, I will ofcourse offer to serve up some for her kids too but she refuses point blank saying that they will not eat it, and on a few occasions has told me that she doesn't understand how any child will happily eat these kinds of foods and that children shouldn't be "forced" to eat healthy foods if they don't want to, oh and that her kids have survived without vegetables and fruit and it "hasn't done them any harm".

I just can't believe her, she is having digs at me for actually feeding my children a healthy diet yet refuses to see how harmful her own children's diets are. She more or less accuses me of forcing healthy food down my children's necks and instead I should just allow them to help themselves to "goodies" whenever they like, she seriously is starting to piss me off, rant over!

You sound like my SIL - the SIL from HELL!

But out - it's none of your business.

Learn how to respect boundaries.

Oh no Soup there is more?

" My just turned four year old daughter is the same height as her seven year old son and only about 9/10 inches shorter then her almost 9 year old daughter"

My 4yr-old dd isn't much shorter than my 9yr-old dd. She already comes up to just above her sister's shoulders. And that's two children with the same parents.

sorry meant butt out

You don't like her, I remember another thread you were slagging her off on. Calling her lazy for not working or something. I thought you sounded really arsey then and this just confirms it.

Get over it. Worry about your own kids. As long as they are being fed, and they're happy I couldn't get worked up over a few chicken nuggets.

Sparkling YY ostensibly about kids football but basically they don't get along and she thinks sil is lazy and gets too much help.
They just don't like each other.
The food and football aren't the main thing here.

Ooh right squizita. Ishoos.

I was thinking about this earlier. A girl I used to work with told me her family ate nothing but freezer food. Pizzas, chips, chicken nuggets etc. Or takeaway. They never had fresh fruit, never ate veg, fresh or frozen. She lived with her mum and has a young son.

Another person I know posted on fb last week about how she was so proud of herself for cooking chicken fajitas, but it was just chicken. No peppers, nothing. Great that she is trying, but she makes no secret of the fact that she cannot cook and lives on frozen pizzas, smash and toast. She has a two year old.

Then there is a relative in my family who does make the effort to cook and give her kids fruit and veg, but keeps making them all ill with food poisoning. Once she cooked and ate mince that was green.

Far from judging these people, I actually feel sorry for them. They haven't been taught about nutrition, or how to cook. Many of us (like me) will teach ourselves, but for some people that is easier said than done. Especially if they feel it is too complicated or they doubt their own ability.

I get how frustrating it is for you OP, especially as your SIL comments on what you feed your kids, but judging her won't get you anywhere.

I know what you mean though OP. My sister feeds her kids utter shite. One is extremely obese, the other is scrawny and grey. And no, I never pass comment, but if I do something like remind my DS to only have one cake (which he is fine about), while hers are having four, she goes absolutely crazy, accusing me of looking down my nose at her.

What can you say? It is her issue; I just let it wash over me now.

OP, I totally see your point.

It's a hideous diet, I can't see where the nutrition is, or any kind of taste.

You are setting your children and excellent example.

I believe we should teach our children To cook and themselves real food as automatically as we toilet train them.

Bringing them up to rely on processed shit and never give them real food does them a real disservice on so many levels imo.

Is it marks and Spencer's chicken in a can?

If it is YABVU.

Sliceofsoup omg to the food poisoning person! It would possibly be better to have oven pizza daily than the runs!

That is a shit diet, but I would say her attack of you is coming from a defensive place, she knows someone who makes sure their dc have healthy home cooked food would look down on a diet in a can.

YANBU to be pissed off, but I think the detailed dissection of her life and menu plans are ott and coming from your own defensive place.

But you're judging her by your own standards OP, this is always utterly pointless because we are all different. Just because you can feed your DCs healthy food while juggling a triple school run a husband that works long hours doesn't meant that she can as a LP with 5DCs.

I assume that your dH supports your choice to feed your children healthy food?

Once of the biggest causes of stress for my LP friends is the undermining that goes on from their ex-partners, they make a decision and their ex rubbishes it.

Perhaps her children won't eat healthy food, perhaps if she tries to get them too she gets a load of grief and is worn out with it all (not that she will tell you that as you have your life all under control).

There is a saying that I learnt from the larger families board on MN 'all fed and no-one dead', thats the mantra on a hard day!

She is a LP to x5 and she has happy kids who are nice to be around...sounds like she is doing a lot better than I would in her situation!!

I think the children's height/size doesn't matter. Small/thin in the uk is healthy 99.9% of the time. It's poor the mothers judging your food but maybe she's being defensive because it's crap to feed kids crap.

Gosh, there are some perfect parents on this thread, aren't there?

I have some stickers that I give out at work (primary school), stars and things. Maybe I should award some here.

Not sure I have any that say 'smug fucker' on them though.

Once upon a time, I would have judged. Then I grew up, had kids of my own, found my empathy switch and stopped being a twat. Would suggest others try the same.

GREEN mince? Dear god. Please tell me the whole story, as I cannot imagine anyone (no matter how ill educated about food) looking at a lump of green meat and thinking "Yup. Tonight we feast!"

Does she actually know how to cook?

I'm not being nasty, but there are lots of people who cannot cook, and are too afraid to try because there's nothing more demoralising than preparing food which gets the thumbs down.

You, OP, are fortunate in that you possess these skills.

I'm not surprised she retaliates. Human nature is to defend ones self. If your RL interactions with her have anything like the tone of your post she will see you as smug and interfering and is going to try to hurt you in the same way she is feeling hurt.

I know people can't cook. But in today's society there's no reason you can't learn. Resources/ guidance and recipes are all over the internet ( the majority have or can get access via library/ centres or friends), libraries have books, even supermarkets give out recipes.

Everyone can start small and gain confidence gradually. How to cook an omelette will be given step by step if needed.

The green mince is the least of the parenting fails in that house sadly.

But yes, mince for spag bol, when she took it out of the packet the underside of it was green and slimy, and she cooked it anyway, and they were all really ill.

She is a relative, and I heard it from her mouth.

OP I'm afraid your SIL is winding you up and you are falling for it big time. She thinks you are a busybody and believes you think you are the perfect mumcook.

She finds you annoying and ignores your requests to 'help her see the light' as punishment for overstepping the boundaries. She is probably feeding her kids fresh greens 'in secret' just to bust your bubble.

Once you stop competing with her and putting her down, things will become more peaceful between the two of you.

Op your sil knows deep down that you are giving your kids the right diet and that she is severely lacking.

Not sure what you intend to get out of posting on here about it though, unless it was purely for a vent.

But in today's society there's no reason you can't learn.

I agree that there are many resources for people who wish to learn how to cook, but I disagree that there are no reasons why people can't.

Lack of money, lack of reading skills (this is a bigger problem than we are led to think), but more importantly, lack of confidence, and a deep set belief that people who can cook have some kind of special talent or skill. Some people lead such dysfunctional lives that its a wonder they get food on the table at all. Some people just have different priorities, or just find it boring.

Mostly though, IME, people find cooking daunting. They have written themselves off as unable to cook before they have even tried.

For absolute sure I would be at that diet. It is clearly shite and I wouldn't want to feed my child it.

However, I wouldn't start a thread about it.

Walk a mile in someone else's shoes and all that.

My sister is just as bad. She makes healthy meals for her kids but lets them eat butterkist popcorn, cakes, crisps, sweets, ice-cream, whatever beforehand. Then they don't eat the dinner and she throws it in the bin. The waste is horrible. Last time I spent 3 days with her I didn't see a single vegetable get eaten.
But I don't say anything because she's my sister and where would you start?