Motherhood...is there a conspiracy of silence about it and why?

[Mavis]

Am I the only one who sometimes think that there is a kind of unspoken code about motherhood? I never knew how hard being a mum would be...no one ever told me anything. Is there a conspiracy of silence? Sometimes I hate being a mum. Sometimes I wish I had never bothered and dream of having my "old" life back. Sometimes I feel like just getting up and going!!! Some days I feel so fed up with the monotony of trying to meet the demands of children and husband and pets and housework and the drudgery of the latter and shopping sometimes makes me want to scream. On other days I look at my children and realise I love 'em so much- they make me smile, they make me laugh. But how come no-one ever speaks about what motherhood is really like for them? This website is refreshing in that people do lay bare their feelings. So what are yours on motherhood? Shouldn't we tell all girls the truth before they get the biggest shock of their
lives?!!! What will I tell my daughter? Maybe now is the time to break the conspiracy.

I don't think there's a conspiracy but I do think it's natural to talk up the good bits and downplay the crap. Even though just after ds was born I read the Kate Figes book and agreed with virtually every word, I still found myself skimming over the tough stuff when talking to a newly pg friend. Partly it was because I felt that perhaps I just wasn't coping v well with ds and didn't want to seem useless (!!), and partly because I just thought that her experience was going to be different to mine, whatever I said.

It's impossible to describe the reality in any meaningful way anyhow. How can you tell someone that every love you've ever felt pales into pathetic insignificance beside what you'll feel for your child - and yet at times you'll genuinely consider throwing them out of the window? Sometimes I physically long for my old life, for freedom, for spontaneity, for good old-fashioned selfishness! But the thought of trading that for a life without ds is, well, unthinkable.