the way a mother at the school gates treats her kids...I know it's none of my business but what are your views?

[sunnysideup]

Ok so the issue is that when I wait at the school gates to pick up ds, one of the other mums arrives with a 2 kids, around 3 yrs old I'd say. Not sure if they are hers or whether she is a childminder for them....

I'm just finding it so depressing, the way she treats them. She holds their wrists and will not let them move - at all. We wait in a little enclosed play area so there would be no safety issue in letting them go...they spend 10 mins or so struggling, hanging from her arms, twirling round and twisting their arms as she will not let go. Even when they stand still, she tells them how to stand - the other day she was telling the boy "BOTH feet on the ground!" When they ask to sit down she says no.

I have been on MN long enough to know that there are many sides to a story and that judging people isn't helpful, but I DREAD getting ds now, I just find the way this woman treats the kids really quite upsetting.

I have tried to think whether there's any way I could step in to chat or something but this lady does have a couple of friends she speaks to and they don't mention the whining kids getting chinese burns from the mother's iron grip while they chat!!!

OK folks, what do you think? Am totally prepared to be told to mind own business/get a life and am already in process of doing this

No-one has recommended accusing the woman of abuse, though. Some of us just feel that in that situation - if it appeared that she was hurting the children - we would look concerned, or say something fairly inocuous to let her know that other people do see what she is doing. Nobody is suggesting calling the police, FGS.

no its not
in short

I don't know Fio, I think there's a blurring of lines there - if the woman is being unnecessarily harsh to two small children and causing them pain/distress in front of other parents.... I can see a scenario in which the bahviour wouldn't qualify as "abuse" in the eyes of the authorities, but is unpleasant enough to merit another mother making a mild comment or giving a concerned look. It's not black and white IMO.

But I do generally think children's safety and wellbeing is everyone's business (as distinct from interfering strangers/friends/relatives poking their noses into issues which aren't a safey/welfare concern), especially if they are out in public where others can see what is going on. I'm very glad some people do think like this, like the woman who saved my ds2 a nasty fall the other day by rather unceremoniously shoving his bum back up the climbing-frame - I couldn't get there quickly enough and I'm very pleased she didn't decide to mind her own business!

I would chat to her in a casual way. Ask her about the children, their ages, if she is their mum/child minder, etc and take it from there. If she is giving Chinese burns then it is not on.

I would rather someone butted in with the way I was treating my kids, than stayed quiet and later something happened. Not that I would hurt my kids but you get what I am saying.

Agree with Fio, but also see GS' point.

If you do speak to her though, I think you need think about the reaction you might get, whether it's positive or negative.

Do any of the other parents feel, or appear to feel, the same as you about this woman and the children?