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Original poster

the way a mother at the school gates treats her kids...I know it's none of my business but what are your views?

57 replies

sunnysideup · 07/11/2006 13:37

Ok so the issue is that when I wait at the school gates to pick up ds, one of the other mums arrives with a 2 kids, around 3 yrs old I'd say. Not sure if they are hers or whether she is a childminder for them....

I'm just finding it so depressing, the way she treats them. She holds their wrists and will not let them move - at all. We wait in a little enclosed play area so there would be no safety issue in letting them go...they spend 10 mins or so struggling, hanging from her arms, twirling round and twisting their arms as she will not let go. Even when they stand still, she tells them how to stand - the other day she was telling the boy "BOTH feet on the ground!" When they ask to sit down she says no.

I have been on MN long enough to know that there are many sides to a story and that judging people isn't helpful, but I DREAD getting ds now, I just find the way this woman treats the kids really quite upsetting.

I have tried to think whether there's any way I could step in to chat or something but this lady does have a couple of friends she speaks to and they don't mention the whining kids getting chinese burns from the mother's iron grip while they chat!!!

OK folks, what do you think? Am totally prepared to be told to mind own business/get a life and am already in process of doing this

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LadyMacbeth · 07/11/2006 14:12

It sounds like she has enough on her plate, looking after two littlies and at least one school aged child. Perhaps they are little tearaways who will leg it as soon as they are out of her grip? Perhaps she has something wrong with her leg and can't chase after them! (OK, that's a bit of a long shot but it's clear she doesn't want them to run off!)

Unless she was definitely causing physical pain to the children I would keep well out of it. I do hope she isn't

NothingButAttitudeOnMN · 07/11/2006 14:12

Unrealistic for a 3 year old to stand still for 10 mins max, Oh FGS.

nailpolish · 07/11/2006 14:13

why do i get the feeling they WOULD stand still if she just let go - they are twisting and twirling BECAUSE she is gripping their wrists

its that chicken and egg thing

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misdee · 07/11/2006 14:14

yes because if my dd doesnt have both feet on the ground she would topple over causing herself and others an injury. she is very twirly anyway, and i am often saying, 'stand still for a moment please, stop twirling, both feet on ther ground,' when out and about.

she has done silly tworling feet holding her sisters hands and sent them all flying over.

misdee · 07/11/2006 14:15

btw ashe is now 4.

Bibliophile · 07/11/2006 14:17

I get the feeling SUnnyside up is not a fantatic or a loon, but feels genuinely upset, and I know that feeling - I'm sure everyone has at some point at least winced at how they see small children treated. But of course, don't jump to conclusions. If my child was being looked after by an unkind childminder I would want to know btw.

NothingButAttitudeOnMN · 07/11/2006 14:18

So you think that they are wriggling because they6 are in so much pain NP.

Sunnyside can you please clarify if this is the case?

misdee · 07/11/2006 14:19

maybe its a game to the kids, lets try and wiggle from mum. get her a couple of wrist straps.

Original poster
sunnysideup · 07/11/2006 14:19

thanks for replies guys, am fully paid up member of interfering old bags club!

I know there would be differing opinions on this of course...thanks for them all. My post is not an attack on mums who have kids who rush off if let off the reins or who hold their wrists btw! It's more than that....I am a mum who would rather negotiate than order about, but I totally respect other mums who have a different, more authoritative approach, it's horses for courses. It's more the impossibility of what she's expecting from the kids really....what kid do you know who can not move a muscle for 10 mins??!!

thanks for replies, anyway - i have a feeling it's a controversial one this one!

OP posts:
coppertop · 07/11/2006 14:20

You can't win either way. If she'd let them run wild there would be lots of comments about how people should keep their children under control. If she holds on to them she's being cruel.

Bibliophile · 07/11/2006 14:20

Oh, it's horrible and uncomfortable when you are little to have an iron grip on your wrist and feel so trapped - esp if all you want to do is move a bit, which is what children absolutely need to do. Am I the only one to remember this? At primary school I once bit a dinner lady who had me in that sort of painful grip and I don't regret it even now!!
Maybe there are good reasons why she can't let these kids go for a second though. it is hard to tell.

coppertop · 07/11/2006 14:21

X-posted with you, SSU.

nailpolish · 07/11/2006 14:21

there was a little girl at the school today who was behind a wall with her older sister (little girl - 4) her mother was shouting on her but the older sister wouldnt let her go - she was tickling her

little sister was shouting "no no no!" as she was being tickled

older sister eventually let go, little sister immediately ran to her mother who walloped her for not coming as soon as she has shouted

little sister tried to explain to her mother that her big sister had been holding her back, playfully. mother wasnt interested and walloped her again for 'backchat'

i was THIS close to walking up to hte mother and trying to explain myslef what i had seen, but its none of my business but i didnt

its v difficult , sunnyside, i understand what uyou are saying

x

nailpolish · 07/11/2006 14:23

nothingbut - i kind of mean like its a game and attention seeking

like if she let go and chatted to her friends they would behave

like some children misbehave to get attention

bad attention is better than none iyswim

FioFio · 07/11/2006 14:25

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nailpolish · 07/11/2006 14:25

is it a boy thing?

i have 2 girls and they wouldnt dream of running off

FioFio · 07/11/2006 14:29

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nailpolish · 07/11/2006 14:33

i think sunnyside is just frustrated because she doesnt know the story behind it, and would like to know everything is ok and no-one is being hurt

NothingButAttitudeOnMN · 07/11/2006 14:33

NP if I had seen that in the playground I would have said something becasue that is wrong!!! and I agree with the attention thing.

Sunny if you have a little one with you then you could take yours over to hers and get them chatting and that may get you chatting.

nailpolish · 07/11/2006 14:34

its easy in hindsight

nailpolish · 07/11/2006 14:36

ive come across her before

her dd was playing on the climbing frame with my dd and her dd accidentally booted my dd in the face

my dd wasnt bothered

the mother walloped her dd and i screamed "it was an accident!"

i regretted that

dinosaur · 07/11/2006 14:36

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This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Original poster
sunnysideup · 07/11/2006 14:36

thanks nailpolish and nothing....

OP posts:
nailpolish · 07/11/2006 14:44

i would if i was you not go to school early to collect your lo's

just so you dont have to see this woman

go bang on time for the bell

wannaBe1974 · 07/11/2006 14:53

So do these children look distressed? are they crying? Because if not it's likely that she has good reason for holding on to them. I'm with fio on this - if someone suggested I was abusing my child by holding on to him I would not be impressed.

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