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Original poster

Can I face another baby?

27 replies

housmummy · 06/11/2006 19:31

I have a lovely little boy (2 years old). I found it vv hard when he was a baby - he cried alot and didn't sleep - still doesn't sleep consistently.

I feel really bad if he is an only child, but I don't know if I can face going through all that again. I like my sleep, but this feels really selfish. My partner is not that keen, but he goes with the flow.

I am becoming obsessed by how many children people have and wonder how do they come back for more?!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

Furball · 06/11/2006 19:57

I only have 1 and so do lots of others. Your ds is only 2, go with the flow you may well find that you might change your mind when he is abit older. Do what you and your partner want and don't worry about what others think etc, it's noones concern but yours.

You're ds will be fine as an only and he will also be fine with siblings.

ginnedupmummy · 06/11/2006 20:29

Message withdrawn

lulumama · 06/11/2006 20:41

hi - had my second when DS was 6....had had PND for a long time and was not able to think about another baby before then.....but the benefit has been ...DS at school in the day,so i get lots of time with DD>...and when i was pregnant...could rest during the day.....especially at the beginning when was very sick

also, when she slept during the day,i could rest as DS at school!

and i have time for both of them when she is in bed, me and DS do stuff togther and always make sure he has time for activities and having friends round

worked out really well having a big age gap//for us anyway!

and who is to say your second would be a poor sleeper too..no two are the same!

if you are not mad keen on the idea now...revisit it in 6 months or so...see how you feel then!

there are lots of great sleep strategies too if you need help!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General parenting

cece · 06/11/2006 20:44

My first was a difficult baby. When the second came along I was all set and he was a dream and sooooo much easier!

EvilShednalovesshortbread · 06/11/2006 21:48

This thread's made me feel a bit better.

I have 1 DS aged 14 months. He was a very difficult baby also, cried a lot, didn't sleep much, still wakes in the night for milk now at least once or twice a night, sometimes more. Its like having a newborn again some nights. Very tiring and don't have much energy for anything else.

DH wants an army of children but at the moment I just can't see any more. But saying that DS is still very little and yes I may change my mind, given time.

I just hope a second child will be easier!! (crosses fingers)....

Judy1234 · 06/11/2006 22:08

I always wanted lots. We had five which is lovely. But it's yours and your partner's decision. Don't let anyone decide for you. I quite like the support my older children give each other (3 at university) and since my mother died and was dying and now we have problems with my father it's great to have siblings to help with all that and have them to discuss things with and share the burdens.

kittywits · 06/11/2006 22:17

You don't have to make a decision now do you? i would wait a little while and see how you feel.
If you have a second child the experience will probably be very different to you first. I have 5 at the mo and although it's hard work they are great company for each other.
You really need to make a decision that makes you happy, don't worry about how many children others have, everyone has different needs and circumstances.

cath29 · 06/11/2006 22:20

for housmummy. i'd say, for now at least, enjoy your sleep! listen to your gut instinct that's all we've got to go on in this life. don't compare yourself with others (easier said than done i know!). i'm sure you're a great mum.

EvilShednalovesshortbread · 06/11/2006 22:20

I find some people just seem to breeze through motherhood and others (such as me) have found it really tough. Helps if your baby is an 'easy' baby (loose term) and if you have a more difficult or demanding baby its very draining. Everyone thought I was beinga drama queen till they looked after DS for me and then they quietly admitted he was 'a handful' and nothing like my sister's little boy.

I agree its each to their own and if you feel one is enough, then one is enough. I know lots of only children and they're no different to ones with siblings.

I'll make my mind up when I see fit!!

frazzledazzle · 07/11/2006 08:51

Motherhood was a big shock to the system for me.My son hardly slept at night for 2 months because of reflux and I found it hard to bond with him .But things got better and I didn't want him to be an only child so we decided to have another even though I was scared I would feel overwhelmed again but second time round was so different.It was the best decision I ever made.

littletoadstool · 07/11/2006 17:44

My DS is still only 11 weeks old so its still very early days but I feel like you housmummy, not sure I want him to be an only child but can't imagine going through this all over again! I look at people with more than one child (or twins!) and just can't understand how they cope!

My DP has already started saying how he'd love another one (please give me a chance to recover from this one first!) I say that I'd like to wait until DS1 is about 16 so he can help look after it! (although that would mean I'd be far too old to get pregnant!)

But everyone I know with more than one child says how much easier it is the second time round - you tend to be more relaxed, you know all the little tricks, and like everyone has said, each child is different so the next one might not have so much trouble sleeping.

sunnysideup · 08/11/2006 10:38

there are a couple of threads on here about the benefits of having/being an only child, can't do links as I am too stupid

but you could search the archives, they are fabulous threads which give the positives, something that doesn't often happen in our society.

It is not obligatory to have more than one. How is giving all your love, attention, and support to your child selfish?

It's totally and utterly up to you and what will make you all happy in your life.

PetitFilou1 · 08/11/2006 14:14

I am feeling the same as you but about having a third rather than a second. But.......to make you feel better, I had PND after having ds and did not bond with him for a long time, he had reflux and feeding issues etc etc. However, dh persuaded me to get pg with dd quite quickly (as even with all that we both knew one would never be enough) and I now have ds 2.9 and dd 14 months. I wouldn't say I have found it easy (although much easier now) but dd was a much more straightforward baby, I bonded with her straight away and it was the logistics of managing two that was difficult, not having a tiny baby like the first time. I am 34 now and back at work part time and enjoying the balance - so it isn't impossible. So my answer is, even if you think you can't do it, actually you probably can. You have to go with your gut instinct though and consider whether your dh is fully onboard with the idea. Your ds will be fine whether he has a sibling or not but your relationship may not be if your dh isn't happy with having another.

goblinqueen · 08/11/2006 15:40

I had a "good" baby and still found it really really hard. He's 2 1/2 now and I'm starting to feel like I can cope again... especially as we are moving closer to my family!

For me I know these times pass and I will regret it if I have only one.

My MiL had a hard time with hubs when he was a baby till about 3 and decided she couldn't handle another so FiL had a vasectomy and she's regretted it ever since and has a scary kind of attitude towards my kid... which I know would be much much worse if I ever have a daughter.

Not that I'm saying you'd turn out like this! There's nothing wrong with one kid and hubs has enjoyed his only-childness, for the most part. Though the pressure is off him somewhat now he's been replaced with our kid! Yeah, she's scary!

Original poster

housmummy · 08/11/2006 19:45

Thanks for advice and support. I'm 36 so feel that I need to make a decision soon - part of me really doesn't want to be tied to a little baby again or risk having a "difficult baby" (or maybe it wasnt the baby but was me - who knows?) but this is combined with not wanting to have regrets about not having one or deprive my ds. Twins also run in the family and I think that would kill me! I envy people who have lots of children - i think it must be lovely and also think it is incredible that people go on doing the baby thing. I also feel a bit "odd one out" in my baby friends as they are all on the second or desparately trying.

Thanks Furball - do you want any more? Was your second easier ginnedupmummy/lulumamma? Thanks Cath29

OP posts:

TheHighwayCod · 08/11/2006 19:46

ooh but oyu get the JOY of watchign them interaact
makes me happiest

bundle · 08/11/2006 19:49

agree with cod, who's being uncharacteristically soppy

foxinsocks · 08/11/2006 19:50

I am not having any more and do not, in the slightest, feel guilty about it or broody or anything (I've got 2 already).

I think the fact that you are even contemplating another one means actually you do want one - if you really didn't want another one you would know, I'm sure.

If you really don't want another but are worried about what other people think, then you may need to just develop a harder skin! There are lots of people on here who only have one. It's not that unusual.

foxinsocks · 08/11/2006 19:52

harder skin = thicker skin (was thinking of a saying in another language!)

TheHighwayCod · 08/11/2006 21:29

bundy

Tutter · 08/11/2006 21:30

awwwwww

at cod showing her soft, fleshy, vulnerable underbelly

TheHighwayCod · 08/11/2006 21:31

ill av ya

Tutter · 08/11/2006 21:32

Tutter · 08/11/2006 21:33

flipper?

fin

didn't study much fishlife at school, clearly

Furball · 09/11/2006 07:14

housmummy - we feel that our family is complete just with ds, so no we are not having anymore.

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