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Parenting

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Original poster

Tormenting myself with thoughts of a 3rd child..

28 replies

luna40 · 17/04/2015 13:33

For the past 2 months I have been thinking daily about having a 3rd child. I already have 2 children (4 & 2), and I'm 30 years old. My heart says YES, I want many many babies! I loved the newborn stage and breastfeeding etc.. but my brain says NO because we would need the bigger house, bigger car, no more family holidays, etc etc. My husband and I would never get any time together, forget finding a babysitter for 3, etc... Ugh I dither back and forth every day between yes and no, and its tormenting me, affecting my work etc. I guess I don't even have a question, just wondering if anyone else is going through this phase!

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Chickenandpenguin · 17/04/2015 13:35

I had these thoughts and feelings recently. Had a proper chat with DH and decided to go for it. I'm now early pregnant and really unsure as to whether we've done the right thing. We're never going to be big earners or be able to move to a bigger house. I worry we've set ourselves and chn up for a stressful skint life :(

SueGeneris · 17/04/2015 13:42

Well I am biased as I have just had no 3. My feeling is that so long as you can put food on the table etc it is people that make you happy. I also have a 5 and 7 year old and this baby has brought them so much joy and hilarity. He'll be in his baby chair and the 7 year old will be with him laughing and telling me every little noise or face the baby makes - even though I'm right there and can see! I wanted our own little gang and I think the money worries will be outshone by the happiness having a bigger family brings, the different characters and so on.
But as I said I am biased!

SueGeneris · 17/04/2015 13:46

We didn't think we would have a third and so going through the stage just now where the baby is smiling and gurgling at me is just magical. The hard work for me is so worth it. You only live once. The other stuff - the material stuff - I reckon it works itself out. You make it work.

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Chickenandpenguin · 17/04/2015 13:46

I'm hormonal probably too so best to find a middle ground between us two probably :) our pregnancy is very wanted - especially by me - I just worry about the reality of it I guess.

Original poster

luna40 · 17/04/2015 14:06

I do worry about the ££, but we would find a way to make it work I'm sure. We're on our own (no family on either side) but hubby luckily makes an "okay" amount that I could stop working for a bit.
I more so worry about how the heck I would handle a Preschooler, toddler and newborn. I think I would survive on a lot of coffee.. I have tough days at the moment with my 2 DC, but when I see them play together, wrestle, chase, hold hands, etc, it just melts my heart. And I think they would love a baby in the household... I like the idea of our own little gang Sue! Sounds like you've got a lovely big family.
Congrats on you're pregnancy Chicken, yes I remember the hormonal moments of OMG how am I going to handle this, but it always seems to work out doesn't it..

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Chickenandpenguin · 17/04/2015 14:13

Thanks, I think I'll snap out of it eventually. I'll have a 4 and 2.5 year old and scared of the baby days, they're so exhausting! As you say though, we only live once and I'd prefer to be surrounded by my children than lots of stuff I think :)

momtothree · 17/04/2015 14:23

I have 3. Plus DH.. my only problem is the world is built for 4 - like hotel rooms - holiday packages - had problems with flight bookings - food packed for 4 - family tickets 2+2 etc cinema - bowling swimming. . Anyone else noticed?

lexyloub · 17/04/2015 15:22

I've Just had my 3rd my 2 eldest are 7 & 5 both in full time school which makes it a bit easier looking after baby as older 2 are more independent. They love their little brother. Your only 30 why not wait a couple if years then have a 3rd if you're worried about how you'd cope with a pre schooler toddler and a newborn

MangosMangosMangos · 17/04/2015 18:40

The thing with 3 is that often, you don't need a larger car or a larger house straight away...we had no problem getting babysitters for 3, especially if they would all be in bed once the sitter arrived. The car we had was a 3 door when DC3 arrived but DC1 was large enough to sit in the front so it was only a faff when we all went out, but then there were two of us so it was easy enough.

I found the jump from 2 to 3 really quite ok, I had a collection of few really good slings so often it was like it was before with one on each hand or on in the buggy and one by my side.

Original poster

luna40 · 18/04/2015 06:31

I've heard from people that the jump from 2 to 3 is actually quite easy in comparison. Then I've heard from others that it was harder... I found the leap from 1 to 2 very difficult. But all those sleepless nights and nappies, they're all worth it :) Oh dear I'm broody..

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Chickenandpenguin · 18/04/2015 06:55

I like your post mango. We've decided to sit tight in our two bed and extend one day to 3 so will never have a big house or garden. But will have a low mortgage and more cash. This isn't a popular approach amongst my friends as there seems to be a expectation of having a room per child and a big garden. Even if we stayed with 2 we'd never afford a bigger house. Or car for that matter.

Chickenandpenguin · 18/04/2015 06:55

Go for it Luna, I'm feeling positively pregnant today

Chickenandpenguin · 18/04/2015 06:56

The main thing I dread is the sleepless nights, they were the worst part of no2 whilst caring for no1. It's so debilitating

Original poster

luna40 · 18/04/2015 07:10

We probably wouldn't move house either if I'm honest, we're in a 3 bed, no garden, but probably still enough space inside for 3 DCs. 2 would have to share, but there is a room big enough for bunk beds and still all their toys etc. The car we would have to be upgraded though for sure :)
Yes its the sleepless nights I worry about most too. Thats why I really have to get DH on side for this idea..

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Chickenandpenguin · 18/04/2015 07:14

Yup that was a big part of our chat. My DH is very focused (and worried) on the first few years. I had to really get him to see the bigger picture abs imagine our future in 5/10 years. We had a hard time with ds2 as had a small gap and a non sleeping toddler plus baby. We were exhausted and argued a lot. Well out of that stage now but it's still very clear in our minds. Just hope we get through it is our plan!!

lexyloub · 18/04/2015 09:17

I also think going from 2 to 3 is a lot easier than 1 to 2. Baby 3 just adapts in to the routine your already in.

BeautifulLiar · 18/04/2015 16:34

We have 3.

We still have the same car as before (fiat punto)
We've just had our first ever holiday (haven caravan holiday - loved it)
We live in a 3 bedroom house so there will always be sharing (I think this makes for stronger bonds between children)
Babysitters can be hired from websites like Sitters or childcare.co.uk so you don't have to rely on friends/family

I love having a little gang. It's definitely harder than two but I've never been so organised.

Tell me how I could have 4 please..?!

bonzo77 · 18/04/2015 16:41

The problem is, the more I have the more I want!! Pregnant now with DC3. With all the concerns about housing, car, holidays, help, time as a couple. But already working on DH about having a 4th!

alteredbeast · 18/04/2015 19:06

I had a third, she's 1 now. Her older siblings were 8 and 5 when she was born and I found the gap definitely helped. It is hard work at times but I wouldn't change it for the world. Her older siblings adore her and that in itself is worth it

SueGeneris · 18/04/2015 21:01

YY to being more organised the more you have. The house is in better shape with 3 DC than it was when we had the first because it sort of has to be!

Kiwiinkits · 20/04/2015 00:06

I'm pregnant with number 3. Worried that we've made the biggest mistake of our lives. DH sort of pushed me into it. I think 3 will push us over the edge. We maintain two good careers and a tidy home/garden at the moment. Something will have to give and I think it will be my sanity. And my career.

Dulra · 20/04/2015 11:21

I have 3 daughters (7,5 and 2). I have to admit I did find the first year hard when they were 4, 2 and newborn but now I think having 3 is nearly easier then 2 in some ways . If my older 2 are falling out or getting on each others nerves their little sister always manages to distract them or one of them will go off and play with her rather then continue the cattiness with her sister. They are also pure entertainment for the toddler she way prefers playing with them then boring old mummy so she has been relatively easy compared to her sisters at this age. Maybe it is because I have 3 the same sex that I find it easier because I definitely think the third takes the pressure off the relationship of the older 2 because there is someone else there and they are not only relying on each other for company. We didn't need a new car either all 3 fit fine in the back of our estate

Chickenandpenguin · 20/04/2015 12:48

That's a very interesting perspective dulra- all I've been able to focus on are the negative impact of a third child on my two children. I worry their lovely relationship will be shattered by a new child. Nice to know that it can take the pressure off too. The gap will be similar-mine will be nearly 4 and 2.5 when this ones born.
Totally get the something giving Kiwi - I'm so scared of my job being affected or my relationship with DH or my other two DC. Our house is generally ok at mo and I can't see how that will be sustained. It's an awful thought that you're upsetting a lovely life isn't it - I can't shake that.

NaiceNickname · 20/04/2015 13:02

We have 2, and as soon as we found out I was pg with number 2 we booked DH in for the snip. I always knew I wanted 2 and that's it. DH was never fussed on having kids, if it happened it happened. I come from a big family, I am 1 of 7 kids and I saw every day how stressful that was. We had to go without at times, we only ever went as far as Wales, I don't remember any nice day trips out with the family unless it was free like the park or maybe the beach in the summer. We never saw my dad as he was out working from 5am until we were all in bed.

I think for us we knew 2 was our limit because for us, any more and I think it'd have a real impact on the quality of life we can give the children we already have. And us. Only last night we were talking about how we need to get back into making more of an effort together as a couple before it gets too hard to come back. Any more kids would break us I think.

Some people seem able to have kid after kid and breeze through it and that is amazing - hats off to you all. But mentally and financially for us - 2 is enough. I don't feel broody at all for any more, I am very much looking forward to getting more sleep and enjoying raising the kids I have the best I can

newtonupontheheath · 20/04/2015 13:10

I'm pregnant with dc3 at the mo, completely (Christmas Eve) surprise as we were dithering over going for it with a third. If we'd have been set on stopping at 3, I guess we would have been better on the contraception. Any who....

I've come round to the idea that the costs that worried me (nursery fees and mat leave) are actually for such a short time and now I'm happy we are doing this sooner (get it over and done with) rather than later (skint for longer) We have sold my car, paid off some debts and actually have savings for when I am off so won't have to rely on credit

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