preferring nursery over a nanny - would you?

[Gennz]

So as things have transpired I am going back to work when DS is bang on 6 months. It wasn't the plan but I have been offered a really good, well-paid, part-time, flexible job - rare as hen's teeth! (I'm an in-house lawyer in a niche-ish area).

So I've been going round in circles deciding what childcare to put in place for DS. I'll need care for 3 days a week, 8.30ish to 3.30ish.

I thought initially we'd get a nanny while he is so little, but after contacting a couple of agencies and getting loads of CVs sent through I've decided to put him into a nursery.

The nursery is really good, no qualms about that at all, great staff ratios, lovely building etc and is only a 5 min drive from my new work (as opposed to home which is about a 15 - 20 min drive if I neede t get to him quickly), but I've always thought of a nanny as the best option for a baby, so I'm quite surprised at myself for making this choice. Perhaps I had unrealistic expectations of the nanny candidates (I was envisaging Scarlett Johannssen from The Nanny Diaries not unreasonable at all) or perhaps the agencies were just a bit shit, but I just felt like I couldn't leave my PFB with someone unsupervised, with no high school qualifications who might just park him on the couch infront of MTV all day. (Says the woman mumsnetting while her child rolls around on the playmat). At least at the nursery he'll be in an environment that's independently assessed/monitored with developmental play opportunities etc (not so much an issue now obv, but as he gets a bit bigger). But then I think maybe definitely I'm being a bit snobbish, and also probably it's that I just want to be the only one spending one on one time with him in my own home! I remember reading in that book about French parents "Bringing Up Bebe" that this was one of the reasons French mothers preferred creches.

Long-winded way of asking what would you do, assuming cost wasn't the determining factor?

That was totally what I envisaged mrswolf. Just hasn't happened! Nursery feels palatable to me because of the shorter days - I won't be travelling in rush hour traffic and have 2 week days at home to chill out with him. If it was 5 days, or 3 long days I wouldn't feel comfortable with it.

I do think there is an element of irrational nanny jealousy though!

It might be relevant to note that I'm in NZ, not the the UK - so although this nursery is in the middle of a city it's got loads of outdoor space, natural light trees etc. (Obviously there are good & bad nurseries everywhere! Am not impugning all UK nurseries and I imagine the issues are similar)

There's a nanny that turns up late every week to a group/class I go to with dd. She then spends the whole session taking photos of the child to send to the mother.

We chose nursery. No problem about them calling me for time off sick / holidays / maternity. Better (IMO) safeguarding and accountability as someone else said. Just got to find the right one!!

Yes, finding a good nanny is key. I've observed ones at playgroups who I wouldn't want looking after my dc. The best nannies seem to stay with a family for a longer period,then move on to their next family. Mine never had a day off sick and she worked for us part time for almost 8 years. Good immunity I assume from looking after lots of kids.
If you can't find one you like and trust then definitely go with nursery, but I'd look at a different agency. I wouldn't worry about academic qualifications - apart from childcare ones, my nanny was a qualified nanny- in that you want someone who genuinely feels a vocation for working with children and will read because it is natural to do so and talk as they play. Maybe look at specifying a career nanny and see if the candidates are better. I would want this with a six month old.

We chose daycare for DS1 as it was right round the corner from work and we loved having him there. Same for DS2 although we currently have him home with a housekeeper/nanny as due to working hours it was getting too much to juggle separate drops offs. I love having him home but happy to take him back to daycare once he's walking and off bottles etc.
Like you, I also preferred the accountability of a nursery facility but I'm able to nip home every so often during the week to see DS2 and our housekeeper is amazing.
It totally depends what you're most comfortable with but I loved the nursery setting from the point of view that DS1 would have lots of love from different people and be able to play with other babies.

A nursery might be better for YOU, but a nanny is better for your baby.

In my very humble personal opinion. We are still allowed to have those, yes?

Oh I wasn't anti career nannies mrswolf - I was just trying to be as flexible as possible. I didn't necessarily expect them to have tertiary qualifications but I just didn't feel comfortable leaving DS with someone who had no high school qualifications - and that was most of the candidates. I briefed three agencies. Possibly it was the hours - only 21 weekly - maybe a good nanny would be looking for a job that offered more work.

Errr yes periodMath. Who said you couldn't? I have beengenunely interested in everyone's answers.

This is my issue - what is better for DS. I think a very good nanny would be the better option. But in the absence of a very good nanny, I think and excellent nursery is a better option FOR HIM than an average nanny.

IF THAT'S OKAY WITH YOU.

In fact an average nanny would be far easier FOR ME than the excellent nursery.

Why are you being snippy? I was making a light-hearted comment, based on my experience of nursery versus nanny theads, not directed at anyone. Didn't mean to rattle your cage. And I can't work out how to italicize, hence the capitals for stress. You seem to have taken offence where there is none.

And of course a good nursery is better than a bad nanny. Who would suggest otherwise?

We went for nursery rather than nannies / childminders. Largely because of the point made up thread that a baby / young toddler can't tell you if there's problems, so there's more security from that point of view in a nursery, where there's always several adults around at once. The nursery we use has a low staff turnover, experienced staff who are very affectionate with the children, and DC have settled in well.

I admit I'm biased because of my own childhood experience of nannies though - we had a nanny who didn't like me at all. Not a happy experience for me, and it took my parents quite a while to pick up on the fact that there was a personality clash going on that wasn't going to resolve into a happy nanny-child relationship. Not helped by me being too young to articulate my feelings properly.

But I would agree that if you manage to find a good nanny, that's probably better for a child - especially a 6 month old baby - than nursery. I just didn't feel confident enough in my ability to pick a good nanny to seriously consider that.

The nurseries having greater accountability thing is a bit weird.

Surely if you have one person with sole responsibility they have greater accountability than a team of people.

If your child chokes to death on an apple at nursery it could be due to the negligence of carer 1, carer 2, carer 3, the lunch lady, the manager....or an unavoidable accident. Or (the thing that would scare me about nursery care) no-one's negligence, but a breakdown in communication between nursery staff.

If your child chokes to death on an apple with a nanny it's either her fault or an avoidable accident.

You get greater accountability with a nanny.

Re. the qualifications; I don't know what the system is in NZ, but in the UK many nursery nurses have very poor/few academic qualifications. If that is important to you I'd maybe enquire with the nursery.

PeriodMath: In my very humble personal opinion. We are still allowed to have those yes? sounds pretty weird and snippy to me.

Of course a good nursery is better than a bad nanny. Who woud suggest otherwise? ... errr - you. In your first post.

Re the accountability thing Outraged my take on it was that a nursery needs to abide by certain standards and has lots of eyes on it - external authorities, other parents etc - whereas a nanny is alone all day with a baby who can't report back to his parents. But of course a nanny is wholly responsible whereas nursery staff are collectively so.

A nanny cares for a child within the community i.e. out and about, whereas a nursery is behind closed doors. You can and will get reports on what a nanny is doing/how they're behaving. There is nothing people like more than judging nannies and childminders, you only need to look at the threads on here.

You can call in at any point and see what your nanny is up to. You can turn up at nursery whenever you like, but you won't have access without knocking and waiting to be let in.

Bear in mind a nursery will be given notice of when they're going to be inspected.

With a nanny you can employ exactly who you want having personally checked their references, spoken to their past employers. With a nursery you won't see the references or CV's of the individual staff members. If high school qualifications are so important have you checked what qualifications all the nursery staff have?

You should use whatever childcare is best for your baby and you, but do think it through properly. Don't just rely on 'they must be qualified/checked' because they work in a nursery. Don't rely on external authorities or other parents. Ask about what they do when a staff member is off sick, for example. Where do they find a replacement? How thoroughly checked are they? If your child's normal carer is off sick you could turn up at nursery to find a complete stranger there instead. You have no idea whether they have high school qualifications, are police checked, have good references. You are totally reliant on someone else doing your checking. This is the same reason why I wouldn't use a nanny agency, or would at least extend extreme caution. Don't delegate finding your child's carer to other people, it's too important. A nanny is 100% accountable to the most important person; you. You are better placed to judge the quality of care your child is getting than other parents and external authorities.

Sadly Gennz - with local authorities having been torn apart by Gvmnt policy over the last 4 years or so, there are no longer external agencies going in to Nurseries on a regular basis. A nursery can go for weeks and months without anyone visiting, and, when they do go in, it tends to be a much shorter visit than was once the case.
I know it's no different from a CM or Nanny, but certainly don't put that on your 'pros' list for a Nursery over a Nanny.
It's a safeguarding issue just waiting to implode, tbh.

I have used childminders, nurseries and am on our first nanny. Each is only as good as the person working. I've had great nurseries and a rubbish one. I've had a brilliant childminder and a crap one. So far the nanny is great but we interviewed some I wouldn't leave in charge of a goldfish let alone my child.

I am in the UK so could be very different. I used nurseries from 6 months and have never regretted this decision. Nannies and CM just didn't seem like the right choice at the time I was making it, and that choice was not just about what was right for me, but what was right for US as a family (its all well and good something being the best option for the baby, but it has to be workable and affordable and best overall for everyone) and I have been pleased with that choice.

One thing I would say however, if having a nanny is your preferred choice and the only reason you aren't going that route is down to lack of good available candidates, then you may find that once your baby is attending nursery you become aware of options that beforehand you weren't, including nursery staff you like and trust who decide on a career change and move to become nannies!

So maybe don't look at the nursery (which sounds wonderful btw) as a forever decision. You can change down the line once you have found someone that meets your needs, or stay with nursery if you find that actually your baby thrives there.

Good luck
x

Perceptions of childcare providers are exactly that, perceptions. None of us really know what happens day to day, hour by hour for our child in childcare (unless we're constantly watching on webcams...).
We go by the reaction of our child, reassure ourselves as much as we can with the more intelligent/experienced seeming nanny or the shiny, new nursery with happy looking children and organic food etc.

It's perfectly possible that our happy, bright, well developing baby has been sitting at home in front of the tv all day with the nanny or has been ignored by nursery staff.

A nanny will be easier for you tbh unless you have an extremely flexible job and very sympathetic employer. It's the flexibility/convenience that gives nannies the edge rather than necessarily quality IMO. It also gives you a readily available ad hoc babysitter with any luck.

We have had a series of very good nurseries - I wouldn't have qualms about using one at all

Nanny all the way. You can screen candidates by only asking them to send you candidates over 30 years old. That's what I did and only got senior, experienced women.
Reason being is that it is inevitable that leaving work to get to the nursery by 3.30 will be a pain in the arse. Wouldn't you rather have someone work in your home till five? A good nanny will do all housework. Mine does baking, ironing, vaccuming, grocery shopping etc as well as entertaining the kids. Worth her weight in GOLD!

Hi Gennz - I'm in NZ too - if you're in Wellington then I might be able to help you find someone really good. PM me if you like.

All mine have gone to nursery aroubd 5 months old part time. I have no regrets and it would be my choice again. Nurseries don't go on holiday or get ill either although that wasn't my main motivation.

How willing a nanny is to do housework is not an indicator of how good a nanny she is actually Kiwi.

What you describe is a nanny-housekeeper role, which is slightly different to a nanny (it includes all the housework ).

A nanny who doesn't want a nanny-housekeeper role is not a 'bad' nanny though, she's just someone who wants to stick to childcare only (after all that is what she is trained for).

I know it's a minor point, but I think it's an important distinction!

I like the idea of a nanny but when it came to actually putting DD in childcare realised I preferred the reality of nursery - probably because I know how easy it is to lose your rag with little ones so like there being multiple staff.

I also wouldn't know where to start recruiting a nanny and would constantly panic about having made the right decision. I do think 1 on 1 is better for tinies but it wouldn't be if you hired a rubbish nanny!

We are currently making this decision too, albeit with our slightly older dd (nearly one) and we are looking for a nanny. In my opinion, attachment is key for under twos and I'd rather she had one person to reliably attach to, than a few coming and going. BUT, DH works from home and that increases the feeling of security for us hugely. I'm having most luck with childcare.co.uk but they're uk based afaik.

Ds, 3.6, is in nursery twice a week and it doesn't seem to suit him too well to be honest (more his personality than the nursery). But we're sticking it out as he needs some interaction at his age and to work on his social skills. Babies don't really.