Advice needed from mums who have 3 kids!

[Barmymummy]

I am happily married to my lovely hubby and am blessed with two beautiful kids, DD (4) & DS (16 mths).
However! I would just LOVE a 3rd child. DH not overly sure about it and all my family & friends think I must be mad to want 3 kids when I have one of each already.
Guess what I am after is advice from mums who have gone from 2 to 3 kids on the pros & cons!
Am I indeed mad wanting another one?

I don't hold with the idea that 'one of each' is perfect!

According to friends with 3 or more it's much harder to find someone to look after them for you when you want to go out for the evening or away for a weekend - but that would hardly count as a reason not to have another baby, would it?!

I definitely agree that 'three's a crowd' - I've seen it so many times when I've been away with my best friend who has 3. Hers are girl-boy-boy with 2.2 years between each. Middle boy definitely gangs up with his older sister against the little one, who is still a clingy whinge at 12 years old - always seeking his mother's attention. But he's a lovely boy and is absolutely charming when you get him away from his family!

I'm really surprised (and worried ) by some of the quite negative replies there are to your post! We have just had our third (he's 10 weeks) and it's perfect. I feel complete now, so does DH and I just hope they all get on well together.

Most of my friends have 3 (eventually) so 3 is the new 2 around here. I too find it so quiet when I am 'only' left with 2. It is a bit of a military campaign at times but I always wanted a third (but never wanted a fourth!). My dcs have no cousins and me and dh have virtually no family, so we wanted to start our own dynasty. Hope they are close when they are older. We talk a lot about their children playing together (and me babysitting!). Very hard work at times if you have no help (we don't) but really worth it.

I have three, aged 12, 9 and 6 months. After the first two i had no desire whatsoever for anymore. My marriage ended and i met my new husband who also had two children. We had 4 years of spare weekends, holidays, social life etc, and i then had a sudden urge for another child! DH was unsure to say the least, as we already had 4 between us, but a year later he brought the subject up again and we went for it! Fell pregnant quite quickly, but unfortunately miscarried, but was pregnant again within two months and DS was born in April. It is the best decision i ever made, he is such a joy and the other kids are besotted! Only prob is now i would go for another but DH has put his foot down now...NO MORE!!! Def go for a third, i feel like my family is now complete with 3.

FWIW I found going from 1 to 2 the hardest. I have four. (11,9,7,6) I made a decision that I wanted 4 and wanted them close together if possible. I loved having 3 under 5yo and I adore having 4 now.

Yeah they sometimes squabble but then again lots of siblings do that

I'm not saying its not hard work but then again I have friends with 2 who have trouble supervising homework etc but we find it ok.

I didnt want to stop at 3 because I was 1 of 3 and someone is always left out, I see this in school friendships everyday!

4 is good, always lots of cuddles and loads of fun times.

I'd love 3 (currently have DS 3yrs and DD 10 months) but DH not keen so think I'll lhave some persuading to do. We do enjoy our holidays though and I think DH thinks we won't be able to do the same stuff if we have another one.

What do those of you with 3 do for holidays - how do you manage and where do you go? We took our two to Greece earlier this year and I was amazed that some hotels could not take 2 children in the same room as us far less 3. In September we went off to the US for a friend's wedding but made a holiday out of it, visiting NYC and DC. It was great but I couldn't help thinking we wouldn't be able to do this with 3. Anyone prove me wrong???

We've had 3 for 2 weeks now. . Still befuddled, but very pleased. We also had one of each before, and some people couldn't understand ou desire for more. But IMO gender is irrelevant. We simply felt that our family didn't feel quite complete. Frankly, I would have more!

3 is very common around here too - I also have 3. Don't find it any more difficult than when there were 2 really - but I have a biggish gap between dd and ds1. I also felt my family was complete when we had 3. Tbh, I was a bit worried with the big age gap that dd and ds1 would not be close and also know lots of adults in RL who have just one sibling and are not close to them - so I sort of felt that with 3 there would be a greater chance of some of them getting on ok...

The only con really is that it takes ages for them all to move on from the baby/toddler stage so you can never throw toys out as the older ones grow up! I also think I will be the oldest mum in the school playground before they all finish!

Though ds2 is lovely, I am also looking forward to when he is a bit older and we can take them all to more places - there are a lot of things we don't do as a family because he is too young still...

I had (unplanned) number 3 this year (Jan 1st - what a great New Years eve that was!) and although i was worried how my older two would react (ds 9 dd 7) they have been fantastic so far. This baby is my partners first and so far it has gone so well I would consider another, well if i felt a bit less old & decrepit!

I go along with those who say going from 2 to 3 is easier than 1 to 2 (although that was quite easy as well!).
I have small gaps - they are 5, 3 and 1 now, and they all get on so well. I always knew that I wanted more than 2, and 3 just feels right for us. I don't find them any harder to control than 2 really and I don't make a conscious effort to spend time with each of them seperatley as it just happens.
There was a rise in childcare costs of course as we had 3 under 4 and I work 4 days a week self-employed, and we bought a bigger car but now ds1 is at school childcare costs are back down again things are back to where they were - and having three boys meant that we didn't have to buy anything for ds3 as he already has more clothes than he'll ever need!

Agree fairybasslet that package holiday companies can't cope with families that don't fit the stereotype of two adults and two kids.

At the moment we book flights/ferry and accommodation seperately.

fairybasslet - our holidays tend to be self-catering so we hire places independently and then book ferries / flights.
Hotels are Ok at the moment as we use family rooms and ds3 is still in a cot.

Holidays are a problem when they are older. Would have to be camping / caravan type holidays to be cheap. Travelodge etc won't let you have more than 2 or 2 + baby max in your room, so would mean 2 rooms and split up you and DH. Now they are older, my two boys share and DD comes in with us. DS1 (aged 13) has made our holidays for the last couple of years, as he is far more strict with DS2 (aged 9) than we are - lights out at 10.30pm and no nonsense allowed.

I have three aged 10, 7 and 6. The oldest is a girl and the other two are boys. I kind of wish I'd had four to make it an even number. My two boys argue constantly, but when their Sister is not around, staying overnight at relatives or whatever, the boys get on a lot better. My dd finds it hard to get along with my youngest Son, but when they are on their own they get along really well. It's interesting how the dynamics change when one is elsewhere.

I think sometimes the problem with 3 is more to do with the personalities of the children rather than the amount iyswim. I've got 3 (2 DSs and then DD) and never really found it a problem. It doesn't seem harder than when I had just 2, although it does seem eerily quiet when one of them isn't there!

I don't have a problem going out because DSs are old enough not to run off (nearly 9 and 6) so I only have to concentrate on DD (3 on saturday ) I just keep half an eye on the boys.

Holidays, well we camp because generally we're pretty skint anyway.

Timewise, I do admit there is a tendancy to leave them to it, just because you can - they pretty much entertain themselves (just need to arbitrate on occasion) but I found that with 2 anyway.

Homework - don't get this one tbh. It's their work, so they do it so it doesn't really make any difference to me how many of them are doing it. If they need help then they ask and take turns if necessary.

3 feels 'right' for me, but it's a personal thing. I have friends for whom 1 is the perfect number

I have two dss and would love a third but it's looking unlikely (hated being pg and giving birth, don't want to face it with two already), but I was one of three and we had a great time and that is my ideal.

nightmare

another 20k at least to send them through university

Thinking about it - isn't just having one the hardest of all?
Friends with only children seem to feel obliged to entertain them all the time and always have loads of other kids back so that theirs has got someone to play with.

We are waiting for our first to arrive but would really like 3 although financially it does worry me a bit!

I was one of 3 girls and yes, at times one or the other got left out when we were younger and I think in many respects my little sister (2.5year between older and me and 6.5yrs between me and younger) was brought up like an only child after about 11yo.

But we all adore each other and are the best of friends now, despite all feeling that we had 3 different sets of parents! Yes, it is still hard not to feel left out (they live together in UK and I live in Spain) but it goes in swings and roundabouts.

All in all it is more love, more friends, more shared laughter and more aunties for my baby! I'll definitely be hoping for more than 2..

but let's get this one out of the way first before I make any solid promises

I want to have three! Initially we were going t have just our DD - planned the private education etc etc and then I got pregnant with this baby, due March (unexpectedly). Although unexpected I was surprised about how totally over the moon and thrilled we are to be having another - financially all plans of top private education are out of the window but hey, what price on a family and siblings!!! I think we will definately go for 3 now.

I am one of 4 - close in age to my elder brother and then 10 yr gap between me and sis and 14 yrs between me and little bro. We have a fab family - I would possibly go for 4 if I thought there was time!

I have 3 but we are trying for a 4th.
Some people can stay at 3 but it didn't do it for me, not quite complete.

It depends on the ages gaps as to how many work, I think.

I have DS 7, DD1 5.5 and DD2 2.5.
If I do have another this will be my biggest gap and that is what frightens me the most.

It has taken me 18 months to talk my DH around. I was starting threads on 'Is 4 too many, how can I convince DH?'
In the end I think he has realised that I will not give up on this idea and he wants me to be happy.

My number 3 is very laid back but independant at the same time. Definately the most balanced of my 3. The other do fight over who gets to help her or read to her. She tends to favour DS but maybe it's because he's the eldest (and slightly more balanced than the middle one!).

Go for it if it's what you really want. Don't let other people put you off and certainly don't listen to the 'why have more when you have one of each' crowd. They don't know what they are missing!
It seems that we are considered slightly insane if we have anymore than 2 children. as if there's an unwritten law out there.
Sorry I'm ranting. Each to their own!!!

Good luck in whatever you decide.

We have DS 6 and DD 3 and No 3 is due in March.

A lot of people have stupidly commented "why do you want another one - you have one of each don't you?". But I felt for years that one was missing and kept visualising three little monsters trotting round and playing together, rather than just the two.

I found going from none to having one the most difficult. Going from 1 to 2 was easy, as they entertain each other and they're both very exited about having a No3.

We've just got back from Morocco and loads of the tourists had big broods of kids!

Go for it - don't wait for years like I did, as that broody feeling just doesn't go away!

If you want to then do it! It's not anyone else's decision. The urge will just get bigger and bigger if you don't.

I have to say that 5 is a good number too

I am eldest of two, and my DH is middle of three, and we decided that when we started a family we would like to have two children. However, when we fell pregnant for the second time, we found out at the first scan we were expecting twins!

We now have one DS (3 3/4 yrs) and twin DD's (16 mths) - and we wouldn't have it any other way. DS does get a bit too boisterous with his little sisters, but he's done very well to cope with having two new siblings coming along at once!

I don't find it too difficult having the second two at once - but I do find DS quite difficult sometimes, but he is probably just being a typical little boy! I find that everything the girls go through I've done before, whereas everything that DS does is 'new' to us all.

Re holidays, I've got dd and 2 dss. this won't be everyone's cup of tea but we take the in-laws abroad with us for holidays. We book 2 apartments next to each other and get half board basis so no-one has to cook. the travel companies just divide you up for invoicing but it's up to you when you get there who goes in with who. (our kids changed rooms every night!). Admittedly mine our 6 and under so this might get really expensive later on.